Productive Angels

A slug oozed its way onto a leaf.

“You see, we’re not just fighting for it—”

“How can you tell it's him or her?”

“They’re hermaphrodites. Now, look. We’re defending the organisms we can’t even see without a microscope. The viruses, all of them should be protected from the vermin of humanity.”

“Isn’t that some sort of murderous statement?”

“Man has been destroying this planet for millennia. Wechavecto keep Mother Earth safe from his onslaught. It is because of his disastrous ways that we even have to have this conversation. Microorganisms—”

“You mean germs?”

“Yes.”

“You mean the kind that has led to more deaths than any war, calamity, or accident combined in all of human history?”

“That’s a dark way to look at it. But okay, so some humans have died. So what? They should have had more sense to keep from getting sick.”

“Like washing hands and using alcohol and other means to kill them?”

“That’s just it. This campaign is about preserving them. We have to prevent humans from destroying God’s precious gifts.”

“What do you eat?”

“I eat crude oil.”

“Seriously….”

“No lie. It’s an acquired taste but I like it. Not plants or animals are touched. It's all chemical nourishment. Back to the microorganisms or germs as you would to call them, we have to be rushing the gates to keep humanity from harming them. Everyone says ‘kill germs!’ Why don’t we let them live? Why can’t they share the same space as despicable human beings.”

“What makes people ‘despicable’?”

“Man has scorched the very ground we walk on. He is worse than a fungus. He is a slab of meat that has laid waste to this beautiful Earth for his own selfish acts. Microorganisms are the key to life that includes man, unfortunately. We have to discard the old ways of safeguarding humans. Plants and animals are the reason why they’re even alive. That’s gotta change.”

“No, it doesn’t. You’re a human.”

“Yes, and I would like to change that.”

“The ultimatum is death.”

“I’ve got to live long enough to get the message out.”

“What message? This is vicious! Man has transformed the earth to fit his selfish purpose as you say. That’s good! He has been able to dig out earth and forge cities and towns. He erected bridges and canals. He has engineered new medicines that, I’m sorry not sorry, kill bacteria and viruses. Those living things can cause death in humans and other organisms. The germs you so weep over have derailed entire generations of plants, animals, and human beings. You need to find another devil other than the productive angels of man.”

“I know you were going to say something like that. I want you to know that microorganisms are the best example of living things because they allowed man to rise from the muck. They represent everything that has ever breathed life on this planet.”

“But you’re speaking words invented by man amongst the myriad innovations that he has achieved. Any ill act that has gone against other people or animals or plants is against reason and selfishness. The best way to discover the right path is to be a vessel for human beings. You ought to marry your hatred and disdain for man to the idea that man has accomplished so much in the minute amount of time that your goddamned God has tried to move into the conversation. You bemoan humanity but uplift a ghost. You should be cautious with your words. They’re horrific. They should be terrific.”

She looked down at her shoes and back up again.

“I heard you before…but now I’m listening.”

“It’s nothing but a word.”