Please Don't Leave

I was checking the goats when I heard the grumble of a boat engine coming up from the cove. It was a very calm day but the sound was so unusual that it cut through the quiet hum of my thoughts like a knife through butter.

The goats were their usual unbothered selves. I gave Stella a pat on the nose, which she ignored, and headed towards the beach.

There was a winding path between two rock walls that led down to the shore. I walked it carefully. Dad had stressed that we must approach strangers with caution but the situation arose so rarely that I was more interested than cautious. The tide was low and as I peeked around the rock shelf that hid the path I saw small boat, with two figures getting out of it.

One was taller. She had black curly hair peeking out of a cap and a red jacket.

The other was smaller, and as I looked I realized it was a child.

I hadn’t seen a child since I was one, except in movies, but I figured it was unlikely that a woman and a child would be dangerous.

They hadn’t seen me yet, so I came out around the rocks and waved,

“Hey,” I said, in what I hoped was a friendly voice.

The tall one stood up quickly, and grabbed the kid.

“It’s ok!”

I started walking towards them slowly because I didn’t want to scare them.

She looked at the boat as if she was considering pushing off again, but then her shoulders slumped. How this was supposed to go? I hadn’t introduced myself to a stranger in a long time.

She was still staring at me with hunched shoulders and an uncomfortable stance, looking at the boat and holding the child. As I got closer I could see that her brown face was tired and windblown, and she had two lines between her eyes like she had been squinting for a long time.

But she was pretty.

“I’m Tanais,” I stood about 10 feet from her so she wouldn’t feel crowded.

“What’s your name?”

Was I talking too loud? I hadn’t talked to a person in... well around 2 years.

“Is there anyone else here?” Her voice was low and suspicious.

“No, just goats. Is there anyone with you?”

“No.” She wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Can I help you with anything? I can bring some food. Where are you going?”

This met with a stony silence.

“Umm ok, I’ll bring some food.”

I walked back up the path slowly, my shoes crunching on the flat grey stones. I wanted to run, but I was afraid that would scare her away.

At the house I threw together some leftover latkes and some cheese and strawberries I had in the fridge.

I hadn’t had lunch yet so I put some in for myself. Maybe if I ate in front of her she wouldn't be so scared.

Would they be there when I got back? I really really hoped so.

I started running back to the beach and then remembered about not scaring her and slowed down before I rounded the rocks.

She was still there. She had dragged the boat up the shore and was leaning on the edge awkwardly with the child nearby.

“Hi. I brought goat cheese and latkes and strawberries. Do you like strawberries?” This I addressed to the kid. She looked up at me, a girl, wide eyed and tired. She looked a lot like the adult so I figured she wasn’t kidnapped and that was a relief.

“I don’t know”

“Oh, umm I liked them when I was a kid. Try one.”

I handed the food to the mother.

She took the container from me and looked at it dubiously.

“Oh I am so sorry I didn’t bring forks, I’ll get some, just hang on.”

I turned to run towards the house.

“No, that’s ok, this is fine.”

Her voice sounded husky. Had she been crying?

“Come here honey,” The kid obediently came to her mothers side. She looked maybe 8? It was hard to tell under the hat. Her mom sniffed the food and they began to eat.

I was wracked with guilt at not bringing utensils, but once they took a few bites the rest disappeared rapidly.

I ate mine as well but they had really stopped paying attention to me at that point. Were they malnourished?

After all the strawberries had vanished, the little girl turned to me,

“I like them a lot.”

“That’s great, I grow them, I have more. And I have cloud berries as well.”

She looked at her mom uncertainly.

“Can we have more berries?”

She looked at me with a deep intensity like she was trying to see into my heart. I hoped my face showed that everything in my heart was as welcoming as the food; despite the lack of forks.

“Ok. But I need to get the boat off the beach, I don’t think anyone followed me. I took the GPS out. But just in case.”

“We can stow it behind the rocks.” She nodded and pulled a little wheeled contraption from under a seat that we used to get the boat up the beach and stowed out of sight.

They had two backpacks and a food carrier which looked empty. She handed a backpack to her daughter and carried the other and I took the empty food bag.

We walked to the house in silence.

“I’m Tara” She said to me before we get to the door. “And she’s Alex.”

“It’s nice to meet you both,” This is what people said when they first met in movies. It sounded a bit stilted but she smiled.

“It’s nice to meet you Tanais”

We headed inside.

Tara stared around the little house with open curiosity. My parents had used straw bale construction in 2026 when they had it built. Steel roof beams crossed below the peaked roof of the main room. The walls were painted soft blues and there was art that they had brought with them from their old house in the city.

“I’ll show you around” The kitchen and living room were one big room, separated by an island. An arched doorway led to the living room with the couch and some chairs.

One of the cats was sleeping in the centre of the couch and Alex gasped in delight and ran up to her.

“That’s Hunter, she’s very nice.” Hunter purred loudly as Alex scratched her chin.

“We have 4 bedrooms. There were supposed to be more people living with us but they didn’t make it.”

“You’re really alone?”

“ Yah, it’s just me, since dad died.” Tara became very still.

“It’s ok, it was cancer 2 years ago, I’m not sick. He could have gotten chemo, but he didn’t want to go into town and risk me getting drafted and then maybe die anyway. He and mom were in Toronto when one of the dirty bombs went off in Rochester. I was with my grandparents so I didn’t get any rads. Mom died when I was 15.”

They stared at me in silence.

I was definitely talking to much.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t stop talking. What about you?”

“We were at the base, near St. Johns. I got really tired of it. You know? They are all so fucked, there was no work I wanted to do. I didn’t want to join up and leave her at the creche. I was trying to get out to the Res.”

“Oh, the Res, it’s north of here. We went up there for a day when dad got sick, but the doctor said he needed serious chemo so....”

I shrugged.

“You can stay here tonight, there’s lots of beds.”

Tara pulled her hat off finally, and I saw that her hair was dark and curly. It was a bit greasy, but it still floated around her head and framed her face.

“I have a bathtub. It’s really nice” She seemed embarrassed, but when I showed her the bathroom that went away.

“Wow! How rich were your parents?” She looks around at the big tub, the tiled walls and the large mirror.

“This is incredible, how do you heat all the water?”

“It’s all solar. My dad was an electrical engineer. He taught me how to maintain it. They were pretty rich I guess, they made money from something called GME in the stock market during the pandemic. When the water wars in the US started they built this place and got the greenhouse and the deslainator and everything”

“Can I take a bath mom?” Alex interrupted.

“Yes!” I say, and then looked in consternation at Tara, “I mean, if it’s ok with you, and we could watch a movie after.”

Tara seems a bit flabbergasted, but she set her pack down outside the bathroom and took off her jacket.

She was wearing a black t-shirt, and a heart shaped necklace hung just below her high collar.

“That’s pretty, can I see it?”

“It was my grandmothers,” she put it inside her shirt, not showing it to me.

“Oh ok, sorry, it’s very nice. Anyway, please have a bath if you’d like. I am going to check on the ducks. Will you stay tonight? I can make quiche, I have duck eggs.

“What’s quiche?” Asked Alex

“It’s like a pie but with cheese and eggs. It’s a dinner pie.”

“I like pie,”

“You’ll like it, I’m a good cook. Not as good as dad, but...”

I was embarrassed again. I hadn’t been this hard to talk to my parents.

“Have a good bath.”

I left the room abruptly.

The ducks were happily eating bugs in their enclosure and there were a few new eggs for dinner.

It was a sunny day, the garden was doing well and I didn’t really have much to do. I’d been planning to watch Star Trek and work on a little robot I’d been building. Would Alex want to learn to make robots? It was how my dad taught me basic electrical soldering but it was a fun way to relax when nothing else needed doing.

What movie could we watch together? Maybe Moanna? I had liked it when I was a kid. It was all about the sea and they had been on the sea. Would that make it fun? Or boring?

As I came back inside I saw Tara rustling through the fridge. She turned to look at me, holding an egg in one hand and her food box in the other.

‘Are you leaving? Please don’t leave. I make really good quiche and we can watch Moanna.”

I was crying.

This happened to me sometimes. Tears would run down my face before I knew I was upset. It had been like this since dad died. When mom died, dad and I did grief counselling together from some books he had.

He said we would have a lot to process and that we would get through it together. When he got sick, he told me that I should do the grief books myself after he was gone. But it was too hard to do alone.

I sat on the kitchen floor and cried. It usually passed quickly. Tara stood over me, but then she set the eggs down and sat in front of me on the floor, legs crossed and put a hand on my drawn up knee.

“We can stay, I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean to steal the eggs, it’s just stupid habit, it’s not like there’s any rush.”

“I would have given them to you but please let me make you quiche. It’s been so long since I cooked for anyone.”

“Ok.” Her voice was soft, and I looked up finally, past the locket, which had fallen out of her shirt again, and into her brown eyes, which were tired, but seemed to understand.

“We’ll stay.”