Plate Hate

The motorcycle pulled up to the rear of the car. Leslie Brogue looked at the plate. The simple black background and white writing signaled to Brogue just what the Delaware plate had represented. He pulled up to the driver’s side window. Brogue motioned for the driver to roll down his window. The driver, Adderly Amis responded by pressing the button.

“Hey, turn into this gas station, sir,” Brogue suggested.

“You a cop or something?” Amis asked.

“No,” Brogue replied.

Amis directed into the turning lane. He and Brogue parked.

“Number six?” Brogue said. “How is that even possible?”

“I just put down twenty dollars….” Amis admitted.

“Twenty dollars?! You didn’t get an official one.”

Amis retrieved the documents certifying the license plate.

“Well, I’ll be goddamned. Do you know how much those things go for?”

“I do.”

Brogue breathed. “I’ve got a four digit one as you can see on this bike. It set me back $8,000. How did you manage to pick up such a low number? What did you have to do? Recite all Delaware history and know the motto and the state bird?”

“No, I just looked up online the various plates available. The number six was available for $500,000. Now, I just used confidence.”

“So you’re a con man?”

“Legally. I’m a salesman by trade.”

“Cars?”

“Furniture.”

“Okay, so you’re at half a million. How do you go down to a dub?”

“I told the guy he would get a full living room set. He would get the loyalty plan that includes protection from stains, and a new set of sofas and couches with plugins and sound would be upgraded every two years.”

“Yeah?”

“So, he’s in the text message considering the whole thing. He wants more for half a mil’, right?”

“I’d like to say.”

“I told him that I would save his mortal soul.”

“You said what?”

“‘I’m the Devil. Nice to meet you.’ That’s what I told him. Like I’m telling you.”

Brogue’s face crumpled like tissue paper.

“You’re…what?”

“I’m the Prince of Darkness at your service. The sale was clean. I threw in the etigerre just as an added bonus. He had contemplated all of the wrong things he had done over his life. He considered how he should be on his way to heaven. He was so adamant about not going to hell that he just threw out a twenty-dollar figure. I took it with a smile.”

“You’re crazy,” Brogue damn near started stuttering.

“No worry. You’re a good guy. Hell, you even stop for red lights when you could’ve run them.”

“Is there an amount you're willing to wager for this plate? Your life perhaps?”

“No, no, no. I’m not about to do that.”

“That’s exactly what the seller said. He said that he wanted to keep his spirit, too. That all changed with a 16K seventy inch flat screen. He handed me the keys to himself. Just a twenty did the trick.”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Brogue looked sick in the face.

“It’s alright. You’ll find out soon enough. You’re going to have a good life but a bad death. Be prepared for that.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll give you my life. I don’t even want the plate. I just want to be sure about where I’m going.”

“You’re going to die. That’s where you’re going. I’m here to say that eternity is the here and the now. Sure I’ve been here from the beginning and noted the hate you people hold against each other. Hell, I had to take a job by commission here. Don’t worry, you’re going to live fully until your vicious demise.”