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She settled in beside him, his body heat seeping through her clothes and staving off the cold. He had always been like a walking heater.it was a wonderful perk of spending time with him, never needed a blanket though she’d burrow beneath one anyway. They never spent much time cuddling because of it. He was tapping away at his Xbox controller, trying to unconscious a dinosaur so that he could then collect it. Sarah would then gleefully listen to him explain what it was, what it did, and all the stuff he could get with it. It was a typical night for them. She was content but pretty sure he was bored. He’d get fully consumed by his game eventually and completely forget she was there. The little icon that indicated someone in his tribe was active appeared in the top of corner of the screen. Sarah mood shifted as he put his headset on basically blocking her out. She threw her legs over his and got comfy. He wouldn't shew her away, but their night was basically over. She would get him back later before he went to bed if someone else didn't require his attention.

Sarah gently ran her nails across his back in a rhythmic motion as Ben began rattling off coordinates to another player. She sighed. It wasn’t the game or even the lack of attention. It was who she knew was on the other side of the microphone. Someone he couldn’t spend time with. Someone he’d rather see. There was always a someone or something he’d rather. She wasn’t so much jealous as she just wished he’d be with her when she was here, but he always liked what he couldn’t have more. “I’m gonna make dinner.” She drifted off to the kitchen to throw together what she could find. Ben wasn’t much of a grocery shopper, and she hadn’t planned anything in advance. She heard him chuckle at something. It made her smile as she began assembling dinner. The two of them were running around side by side essentially building a virtual home together with pet dinosaurs. Sarah sighed, he seemed really happy. She set his food on the coffee table in front of him and nestled into the corner of the couch to eat her own. Ben muted his mic to ask her for pepper. Sarah would be lying if she said she didn’t find watching them play interesting. More often than not she would get almost just as lost in it as he did, only interrupting to ask questions that he’d mute himself to answer. The night could generally go on this way until the early hours of the morning. And it did. Close to 3:45 Sarah was falling asleep, snuggled to his blue heeler pup. Ben leaned over and brushed his hand on her cheek, smoothing her hair back as her eyes fluttered open. She yawned and stretched. “Is your game over?”

“Yeah.” He had a familiar look on his face, apologetic and tad awkward. He was about to tell her something she didn’t want to hear and he didn’t want to tell her.

“Gina’s coming over. She got too drunk to drive home.”

Sarah sighed. She knew that Gina would be getting off work soon and then coming straight there. Instead of arguing she rolled off the couch, dramatically allowing her whole body to hit the floor before pushing to her feet and walking towards the door. She tugged on her shoes with as much attitude as possible. “You don’t have to go. You can sleep on the couch.” Sarah thought about it for a minute but it would be too demeaning.

“Give me a ride home?”

He gave her that look again, the one that almost said I’m sorry to do this to you. It always seemed like that, but it was less an I’m sorry to do this to you and more an I’m sorry how this is going to make you feel. Not sorry enough not to do it, but sorry enough to know it hurt. “Yeah, of course.” So at four in the morning, Sarah got her purse and walked out to his truck. She slid in the front seat like she’d done hundreds of times, but something felt different. Hollow. Anger didn’t bubble up in her stomach, sadness didn’t bloom in her chest. She was just here. It was just happening. Again.

“She just couldn’t drive all the way home.” He said it like it was supposed to make it better. He was lying. Gina was a career alcoholic that worked in a bar. She was drunk every night. It wasn’t right but she drove home most nights, slept in her car outside her job sometimes. She would come over, he would get drunk with her, have sex, and she would be there for a month. Ben was also an alcoholic. It seemed to Sarah that every time he tried to get better Gina appeared, perfectly fine with enabling his problems along as he would give her attention. Sounds like love, huh?

Sarah leaned against the passenger side door, facing Ben who revved the engine. She wanted to reach for him. She wanted to touch him. It wasn’t that they had to have sex every time. That’s just the way they had been and when they didn’t he didn’t want her around. It was hard for her to believe he enjoyed their time at all when he didn’t want to, when he got rid of her for someone else. She scanned him for some indication that she had overstayed her welcome, that she had done something to bother him. She couldn’t think of anything. There was nothing that came to mind.

She didn’t mind the other women. When it came down to it Sarah wasn’t what you would call a keeper. She was a brilliant space holder, a nice time, but not exactly the bring home to your mother type. A married and divorced in 90 days kind. Not particularly interesting when compared to something else. There was nothing sneaky or secretive about it. He was very blatantly and honestly being with the others. She would have just rathered that he at least want to be with her when she was there. She was somehow a space saver for a different placeholder, just something meant to kill time. She found herself wishing she was worth more as they pulled into her drive. He smiled sadly at her as if he was maybe feeling something about the way he thought she was feeling. Not enough not to do it. Sarah kissed his cheek.

“Love you, Hun. I’ll see you later.”

“Love you, too.” He kissed her back and Sarah watched him drive away.