Penicillin

“Now dear friends, come close, come hither!

Listen at my altar and you’ll be blessed forever!

Good you’re all here. Post a pic or a missive. I’d hate for your neighbors to see you missin’.

Take your seats within this new temple, the closer up the better. Let me tell you a tale of how to make your life betta’! Serve yourself some soup for your societal stupor.

Which reminds me to warn yee only platinum members get my new Thursday sermon.

Upgrade now, for only through charity can your heart reach prosperity!

But come now, time for a talkin’. We’re all here to learn those sweet, sweet steps to get your little town from oppressed to blessed.

Before we begin, let’s hear it for the band! Listen, subscribe otherwise they won’t survive. It can’t be a job since they do it for love.

Okay, okay back on track. Let’s fix this little town into an image of heaven.

I’ve come to be this town’s penicillin!

First you’re good God fearin’ folks. Get yourself some land then you’ll never go broke. Half an acre will do, better if more. Toss up a fence; can’t have riff-raff lookin’ at your door.

Spread yourselves out, get some room to breathe. Then buy yourself a car. After all, you need to keep your routine. The shinier the better, all are going to see. Don’t worry how much it costs since it is indeed a need.

Rooms to fill, rooms to clean. For that, let the internet design what you need.

A hobby nook here, a coffee nook there. Do your duty to your neighbors and keep those boxes coming.

But with all this room, you’ll still find ways to feel squeezed. So let me deliver you the biggest truth of what you need…

Downtown, Shmountown, Rip it all down! Green, like readin', turns everything mean.

You may not want to hear it, but I’ll tell you Rahab’s secret: Concrete plus wheels equals all the world's freedoms. Consolidate it down into one stop shop. Pick by color, demographic, creed, Costco, Boxco, anywhere you need.

Each serves a purpose and will fill in nice.

(Better not mix, lest neighbors think you’re walking amiss.)

What will you do with all this new found freedom?

Then make sure there’s parking galore. It’s dangerous to walk so far from door to door.

What about eatin’? You might ask. A very valid question. Let’s have a chat.

Mo’s BBQ and Hector’s Taqueria, how do you really know feedin’ little Tessia?

Better not to ask, in fact better not to talk. Instead safety first.

Slap up some arches–you know they work.

Let’s break for the band! Listen, subscribe otherwise they won’t survive. Healthcare’s for those who work forty, fifty, sixty hours. Anything less makes you a dirty freeloader.

Finally we come to the best part of this Eden. Jobs and jobs abound without the risk of downtown! Plenty of margins without those pesky dreams. Who needs teachers when there’s nothing for you to reach for?

Amazon’ll provide as long as you abide.

Listen to me now, I’ve shown you the way to wealth. The only question abound is will you submit before this commonwealth?

Be free and pledge to me and I’ll reward your pedigree.

Now I’ve come to the end, off and be free!

…Wait

Unless you get sick, or break free, or run that beautiful car up a tree, or someone else runs your beautiful car up a tree, or the fire and brimstone of Gomorrah comes to your front door’a!

…For then it is clear that you are not, and I say again NOT, blessed by God above. For our temple is sacred and casts out the unclean undeserving of love.

Now I’ve really come to the end, off and be free! Go with Grace, go with love.

And please make your tax-free donation at the automated kiosk by the baptismal font on your way out.”

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A/N:

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