Parenting Examinations

"Dammit, Josie was so miserable this morning." She mumbled.

Alyssa dumped her bag behind the desk cubicle, a steaming take-away coffee mug in her other hand. She took a sip, unpacking paperwork and a Tupperware container of leftover salad.

"Poor dear - it's exam time isn't it?" Maddy was typing away on the opposite desk, while Brooke played Connections near the coffee cart.

"Yeah, her second one is this afternoon. Legal studies was last Friday - She was so grumpy though, acting as if she'd done nothing, had lost all hope. All that fun teenage angst the parenting shows talk about."

"Is she at school now?" Brooke asked, casually.

"No, figured the teen can get the bus today. I had to beat the traffic and her exam's at 1:40 so I said she should get some revision done before she heads in."

"She's by herself - but Lysa, didn't you say she wasn't feeling great?"

"Yeah, but she'll pull through. If she misses the exam she fails the whole History course."

"Lauchy was like that, when he was finishing his finals in Uni. He was so terrified he'd call almost every 10 minutes...but I made sure I had the afternoon off so I could pick him up." Maddy's tone wasn't harsh - she was deep in thought - but there was something she wasn't saying.

Which is why Carly always would.

"Hold on Lysa. Let's be real for a sec - your teenage daughter is completing high school exams this week, and she's been freaking out, acting all moody - so today you leave her home alone with her thoughts?"

This was Carly. Observant, but outspoken when the time was right. No bullshit - only cold, hard truth.

Alyssa pondered it.

In her mind, there was nothing wrong, because she knew her girl had inherited the stubbornness of an angry bull. She was determined not to fail, not to waste this year's hard work, because it would ruin any opportunities she'd have for university. Even if she hadn't really known what to put down for applications, giving up now would limit her chance to explore what she was interested in.

But something tugged. This year had been rough for Josie. She had dealt with friendship issues, a rollercoaster ride of self-esteem and self-doubt, topped by the strangeness of graduating with a year level that never really let her be herself. Sure, she had gritted her teeth and found new friends, but Alyssa had never considered how her teen might feel when those friends weren't in the same classes...or doing their final exams in the same year.

Her teen, with that deep-rooted fire to keep going, was at her lowest point. She was walking a road where she could see her year level in front of her, but wasn't compelled to join them. They made it look easy, but she was bitter because of the way she'd been treated, and by keeping that distance, she'd never let them make her feel that way again. She was forcing herself to do it alone, when it was hurting her.

Alyssa realised her subconscious insight into Josie's life was a testament to the late-night conversations they'd shared, often the night before a sports-day or school camp. Josie had always preferred to miss out if it meant avoiding a challenge that would hit harder alone.

And Alyssa realised that Josie had been honest with her words this morning, saying that she was spiraling, losing hope, because she was comparing herself to the people who surrounded her, who made it look easy because they could do it together.

She was trapped, and she didn't know how to get through this time.

The room had gone quiet in those few moments, aside from the angry sound of the coffee machine growling in the kitchenette. A tear slid embarrassingly slowly down Alyssa's cheek, making itself known to the women who could only look on with understanding and empathy to a mother who was scared for her child.

"I'll..."

The sound of keys jangling; a phone call as a shift is covered. The harmonising of a mother and daughter crying because they love each other.

"We're doing a self-care day today - you and I," Alyssa said as she walked to her car, a mum on a mission. "Starting with loud music and then you can teach me everything you've learnt about Germany."

~