Paradise Acres

Thank you for participating in our tour. To help you settle in, we are offering an instructional class that will help guide you through the final stages of the application process. Contracts must be signed and turned in before entering. We look forward to meeting you. And remember: Paradise is only an acre away.

Welcome to the final leg of your tour.

This instructional class will walk you through our new resident application process and help you settle into your new life here at Paradise Acres.

Before we begin, please remember that if you feel uncomfortable at any point, you have the right to request that your application be terminated. But, as stated in the contract you already signed and turned in, we maintain the right to deny that request at any time.

At the end of the contract, you may have noticed that we asked for an emergency contact. Please make sure that the information for your contact is always accurate and up to date. In the event of a tragic accident, we would like to promptly contact them and help with any injury or funeral-related costs that may be incurred because of said accident.

Your first step will consist of taking the prescribed medication. We warn against crushing, breaking, swallowing, or consuming it in any way. It may cause harm to all your internal organs and, in rare cases, lead to terminal paralysis.

Next, you will download our resident portal app and read the instructions on the screen. They should read as follows:

Once you have completed the application process:

• Do not contact anyone who lives outside Paradise Acres for any reason.
• Do not leave the premises of Paradise Acres unless given written permission from our overseer.
• In the event of an emergency, report back to your living quarters, lock all doors and windows, turn off all electronics, including the lights, and wait for further instructions.

• If you are contacted by an outsider, REPORT THEM IMMEDIATELY. Failure to do so can end in termination.

If at any time the instructions are altered, please contact our customer service hotline. They may instruct you to continue the process as if nothing happened, but reporting gives us live data on how quickly you can identify a problem and report it. This may or may not affect the results of your application process.

Now, once you have read through the instructions on the app, it will prompt you to report to our top-secret headquarters for one final step.

We, at Paradise Acres, care about you and want to make sure that everything went according to plan. To do so, our brilliant team of bioengineers have created a mini device that attaches to your brain and extracts your memories. It may seem frightening at first, but I assure you the procedure is very safe. Several of our residents have come out with only minimal scarring and even less brain hemorrhaging than our first group of testers.

Once you have completed our memory extraction surgery, congratulations! You will finally gain full access to our mandatory cloud-based services, free of charge. Except for a minimal monthly maintenance fee of $50.00. If not paid on time, you will lose access to the following services, including but not limited to: our cloud-based services, the internet, neighborhood facilities and living spaces, food, and consumer goods and services.

That concludes our walkthrough. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact our customer service hotline. And don't forget to fill out the survey provided to you at the beginning of your tour. Any feedback is always welcome.