Order Up: The Adventures of Ethel & Franklin

”Bruhhhhh, what is taking the pizza dude so long?” Ethel complained. “Didn’t you order it like 15 hours ago?”. “Actually I ordered it just seven minutes ago, E-money bags.” Frank replied. “Oh” Ethel began akwardly. “Well it feels like we’ve been waitin’ a lot longer than that, Franky-boy”. “That’s because you have no patience, E-bone. You’re also kinda lazy considering that we could have easily just drove around the corner to Pizza Hut and got the pizzas in less than ten minutes.”

“Look” Ethel started. “Around the corner is a long way and I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not leaving my house or my cats”. “Right because it’s not like the other 7 billion people on the planet gotta do it everyday.” Frank replied sarcastically. “How many times I gotta tell you, peanut head? They are them and I…is…me” Ethel rebutted. “And with grammar like that it’s no wonder you almost flunked English 12 during senior year because you is slow” Frank joked. “This is no time for your cynicism” Ethel began.

“We’ve had some pretty rotten luck this week”. “How so do you mean?” Frank asked. “Well let’s go down the list” Ethel started. “We caught a flat tire on the way to work earlier in the week, you cut your hand on a can of green beans and I’m pretty sure I got a migraine comin on”. “I still don’t see how that effects is gettin pizza” Frank exclaimed. “Worse comes to worse if our pizza ain’t the correct order or gets tainted, we can just send it back.” The duo was suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door.

“That’s them now” Frank said while getting up from the couch to answer the door. When he opened the door he was greeted by a familiar face. “Yo wassup, Tony?” He greeted the pizza boy. “What…wassup?” Tony replied. “What’s the matter with you?” Ethel observed as Tony swayed back and forth with the pizzas in his hands. “Eh I’m just feelin a little…a little” before Tony could finish his statement he collapsed on to the floor right in front of Ethel and Frank.

As the boxes of pizza slammed on the floor next to him, Ethel and Frank surrounded him with concern. “YOU KILLED HIM!” Ethel screamed. “KILLED HIM?” Frank began. “I literally was just standing here. How you gonna say I killed him?”. “Well…you were closer to him” Ethel tried to rationalize. “I was closer to him?” Frank rebutted. “The last person that spoke to him was you. Maybe your annoying voice killed him” Frank remarked sarcastically. “Oh that’s rich” Ethel replied.

“Frank, your boy Tony here just died on us-” “whoa whoa whoa” Frank interrupted. “Let’s not manifest those strong negative affirmations into existence. He ain’t dead, he’s just not moving.” “Well hurry up and find a way to make him move, Dr. Who” Ethel rebutted. “I ain’t no doctor” Frank said forcefully. “Look Ethel, maybe there’s an explanation for this.” “You’re right” Ethel started. “The explanation is we’ve been cursed with bad luck this week and this is our final roll on jumanji. The pizza boy died on our order up and now we’re going to jail”. “Look, let’s just check his pulse” Frank suggested.

“Alright” Ethel reluctantly agreed. “But if he’s dead I’m running out the door and was never here.” The duo both slowly leaned over to check his pulse. As Frank put his hands on Tony’s wrist Tony quickly woke up and jumped in the air, startling Ethel and Frank. “OH MY GOODNESS” Ethel screamed. “Tony what the heck just happened?” Frank asked in shock. “Oh I’m ok guys” Tony started. “My narcolepsy has just magically resurfaced, so I’ve been fighting it all day”. “You have narcolepsy?” Ethel asked irately. “Why in the hell are you door dashing with narcolepsy? Don’t you think that’s dangerous?” “Only if I fall asleep” Tony replied. “You were right, Ethel” Frank replied. “We really are cursed with bad luck.”