Ophelia, part one

Jessica and I were sitting down together in a quiet corner of the playing field at lunchtime, she without her shoes on as she fiddled and fidgeted away both with her stockings and her hairpins. The latter she was just taking out and pushing it back in again, while with her other hand she lazily undid and refastened her garter-belt, seemingly for no purpose. Jessica was just the worst fidget, which was irritating. I could smell her perfume too, and that was irritating in a different way.

She switched from one stocking-top to the other, and my heart leapt because shifting into her new position meant parting her legs for a moment. She lazily continued to fasten and unfasten, pull out and push in, while that little glimpse rapidly stirred up feelings in me that Jessica didn’t seem to be suffering from. Trying to keep my voice steady, I made an attempt at introducing the subject so pressing to me:

“Um, Jessica, a boy teased me in the changing room today before PE today. Something about how you and I haven’t – ”

“He’s just jealous because you’ve got the hottest girlfriend!” Jessica put in smugly, then stripped off her dark blue sweater and sat back down on it with a bump. That stopped me talking at once. No bra. Because of what a hot day it was, I supposed. She was right about one thing, because no girl at our school stayed up better than Jessica without one. As I gazed at the shape of her through her thin white blouse, I couldn’t help it. This was even worse than the longing I’d been feeling before. I fidgeted, and she saw.

“Hands off!” she sang sweetly. “No touching the prize until you’ve won it!”

I blushed at this, but not enough to stop me asking breathlessly: “So if I do win, is that really the prize?”

Not replying, but with the same little smile, she began to neatly tuck her white blouse into the dark-blue waistband of her skirt. It pulled the light white fabric even tighter, stretching it, making it hug every last sweet curve. I groaned.

“Jessica, please,” I begged her weakly.

“Just impress me at PE for once,” she repeated primly, looking at herself, still busy tucking and patting and pretending she didn’t know what effect it was having on me. “Then you might…just might…win a prize!”

I was grumpy. All of a sudden Jessica jumped onto all fours, pushing the back of her skirt in my face, and while I was still recovering from that she hopped to her feet and began vigorously beating the cut grass and dirt from those same rear pleats. Indignantly I shook my head to get rid of the ticklish bothersome dust.

“C’mon!” the girl called, looking prettily over her shoulder at me. “You can watch me take a dip!”

Not understanding, but excited nevertheless, I scrambled awkwardly to my feet. Jessica grinned, grabbed her sweater from the ground and quickly stepped back into her shoes, fitting them snugly around one foot then the other with her finger. She sprinted off while I stumbled along behind. Jessica knew I wasn’t good at running, and there was something smug in the graceful way she kept ahead of me.

“Slow down!” I panted indignantly.

She looked back for a second, stuck out her tongue, and kept on at the same pace. Unwanted feelings flooded through me. Defeat, helplessness, shame at being beaten by a girl. Really, Jessica could be just infuriating sometimes!

It was no use though, I just couldn’t keep up. I was longing for the sort of girlfriend who’d let me hold her hand when we went somewhere together and would walk if I wanted to, but it was no use wishing for that with Jessica. She wouldn’t be touched, for one thing, and anyway it wasn’t like I’d ever be able to stay holding her hand for long, with the speed that that little slim star of netball and ballet could run!

The girl had vanished into the school garden ahead. I followed, blundering through the arch into the smell, closeness and intensified heat of the tiny overgrown brick-walled area. There, my strength exhausted, I wheezed to a halt and stood limply gasping with my hands on my knees. Looking up with sweaty hair dangling in my eyes, I saw an amused Jessica who didn’t even look pink or out of breath.

“Got you all hot and bothered!” she taunted me. “How does it feel to lose to a girl?”

I hung my head, trying to ignore her, though I couldn’t ignore how hot and uncomfortable I was all because of this girl. “Not everything you do has to show off how you’re better than me, you know!” I snapped.

Jessica just smiled again. Without saying anything more she slipped into the shrubbery out of sight. I straightened up, still trying to get my breathing back under control. I said to myself crossly that if she wanted one of her usual little games of hide-and-seek or tag, I was in no shape for that right now! Besides, we weren’t even supposed to be in the school garden and it was getting me a bit frightened.

“Jessica?” I began, hearing the anxious whine in my own voice and cringing at it. “We’ll get in trouble if a teacher catches us here!”

No answer. That was just like her, teasing even when she knew I was scared. “Jessica?” I whimpered again.

Still no answer. I didn’t even know how I should feel – afraid of getting caught, or furious at the way Jessica was playing with my feelings! But suddenly all that changed, as something dark and vapoury and long landed almost weightlessly on the sunny leaves in front of me. It was a stocking.

END OF PART ONE