Open My Eyes

I must have fallen asleep. I don't even want to open my eyes. Tomorrow I have a big lecture I have to do at Yale on how the Transcontinental Railroad has changed the United States. I have so much to do. I have to go over all the notes. I have to check my references. I just don't want to open my eyes.

The train seems really loud. I just don't want to open my eyes to look. No the clickety-clack, it's just too loud.

Did I…did I.. wear a dress today? it just feels like something's off. I just don't want to open my eyes.

I have to open my eyes. They feel so dry and gritty. My mouth feels dry and gritty too.

I open my eyes and I'm shocked. I can't breathe. My lungs feel so tight. What is happening? I'm looking all around, and I am not on the train I went to sleep in.

Okay, okay just breathe, let the air out. Get your bearings. I am sitting in a chair. It's upholstered. It's red, and it's velvet. I have a dress on with the corset. It's a calico with long sleeves. What is happening?

There's a lady sitting across from me that I don't know. She's also wearing a dress like mine. She is knitting or crocheting or something. Maybe it's embroidery work. I don't know what is going on.

My computer bag with my laptop in it has been replaced with a satchel. I open the satchel. My lecture is not in there of course. Instead I see just traveling things like a hairbrush and hair pins and things that I would need if I was traveling on a train in the 1800s. Where am I? I can't even see a ticket in this bag. Where am I going? I don't know. I can feel my anxiety rising. I can't breathe. My stomach is tight and full of butterflies. I want to ask the lady across from me but I don't want her to think I'm some kind of lunatic. I don't know what to do.

Oh wait there's a letter here at the bottom of the satchel. I tried to act totally calm as I pull it out of its envelope. It is addressed to me. My name is on it, but it says it's from a sister that I don't have. It's talking about me coming to see her. It says that we’ll attend lectures. I just keep pinching myself. It must be a dream. I don't know what to think. Maybe I am going crazy? Everything just seems so real. It's not like any dream I've had before. I can hear everything like it would be in reality. I can smell everything. I feel everything. It seems real and not a dream. But it can't be? I look in the bag again. I don't have a ticket. I'm on a train. I don't know what's going on.

Oh good. I see a conductor coming down the aisle in the next car. I go to stand up. The train seems to be going faster. The woman across from me comments that she's feeling the train go faster too. I start walking towards the conductor and he's starting to walk towards me. I'm not sure if I should explain to him that I don't have a ticket or if I should ask him first where we are headed. I am assuming that the train is taking me to my sister, but I can't be sure the letter could just be a keepsake. I feel like the train's going faster. I begin to tell my story to the conductor without telling him that I don't have my computer bag or my regular clothes or anything like that. Suddenly I feel like the train is pushing me forward towards him, and I grab the seat nearby. He also braces himself. My skirt feels like it's starting to rise. I feel like I'm flying…