One large miss-step

My right boot touches down on the red soil—the first man on Mars. Long nights dreaming of this moment, trying to make sure it all went right. Now, at least behind me, my phallic-shaped rocket of power, showing the universe who is boss, is erected in all its glory. The two fuel tanks are right where they should be. Sadly they told me hair was not an option. But, still, we had violated the inky blackness, come to the land of promise.

As I step with my other foot clad in my purple and gold suit, the planet starts to shake with a soft rumble. Did it already know that its new master had arrived, was this foretold in the scripts of this fantastic planet, that I would come to build the colony. My right wrist is lifted quickly to my face, my fingers tapping it to bring up the display. With neon flashing gold, the words brought to you by All-Tech, then my live feed is up.

"Done. We have taken the void, claimed it with our might. Now, we stand on the new frontier of humanity. Our new bright future unfolds before us! Each of you, watching back home, now sees the power of humanity, that together, we stand, together we fly, together we claim!"

My right hand sweeps outwards to show all those adoring fans back at home the red landscape. It's just dust and rocks, nothing special, but I have to put on a good show for the fans, the worshipers, those that want to be just like me. So hard not to uplift the little people, the camera is now pointed at my suit once more.

"Starting next month, we will start taking preorders on Coloney All-Life. Our brand new product, our brand new lives, our new home!"

The logo appears on the ship, on the right spot to show me and it, a perfect job once again marketing, you are worth each penny I pay you in that country that I forget exists.

"So, come join me in our brand new home. We will start the process today if finding the right home for us. I will personally pick it. I will start the process today. We will live in paradise once more!"

A sweeping gesture with a bow as I click off the damn watch. Now, then to turn on the device, let it handle this. I'll be back before the game tonight.

"Good now to have that glass of wine."

I turn now to start heading back into the ship. That is when that light shines over me. Everything is so bright.......so perfect. That spotlight too bad I missed it on the call—such lousy timing.

As the light fades, I'm standing before a bunch of freaks. Too many eyes on that one, too many arms on that, that one is floating. They are around a table with an odd symbol in the center circle with stars, weird lines, red and black flashing lettering, and can't read it. Just more of that Asian style writing, I hate so much.

<Greetings Human, we have waited a long time for this day>

In my head, words are forming as I open and close my mouth, confused.

<Long has the council waiting for you to reach the beacon. We had long since thought you would fail. Each planet has one parked a little distance away. When you touch it, you are brought to the council.>

I nod with a sense of purpose as if it makes sense. The strong leader got to do it. I do it in meetings all the time. Then you ask a statement that throws a wrench into it showing. You are the giant dick in the room. The one with all the power, the alpha wolf!

"Of course, we have been on other planets. This one was ugly, so we did it last! But, yeah, we had been waiting for us to be ready for the council. We wanted to start our own. We are calling it the earth council of mega power. So, came here to offer you to join it, left the papers in my ship."

Yes, that will keep them in the dark, let them know the power of humanity. Take that alien freaks or whatever the hell ya are. These fantastic words are with silence, not a thought. They are not moving; damn, I impressed them, I got this.

<We decline, have a good day.>

The light once more, and back into my ship, the drones had started to build. It was a good day, a fantastic day. Soon, we will have more members of the all-tech family. It's good to be Jeffrey Boozey Bozo.

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Six hours later, war was declared on Earth. 2 days later, it was no more.

The galaxy did not mourn.