Once beaten, twice shy!

I and wifey sat down in the living room to watch TV.

We just got back from the mall where we went to get dinner. We didn't feel like cooking that evening so we decided to buy fried rice, chicken, salad and snacks for later.

I brought out the wine I was saving for one of such moments and we laid down on the couch, watching the show in silence. They were showing ads, it was the Pocket advert and Tems was on

"Tems is so curvy, look at her bottle shape." My wife commented

"I swear down, flat tummy, nice ass. She has a very fine body," I replied

Silence...

"Oh, so you swear down and you like her arse and body." It was my wife talking but the voice didn't sound like her.

"No I, umm, I mean, emm..." I stammerd.

"Emmm emmm emmm, imbecile. Suddenly you can't talk again. Talk ooo, I'm waiting." My wife said.

"No... I... she...wait, see, I didn't say say she has... emm... fine thing, see what I meant it...baby c'mon na you know what I meant." I struggled to articulate my words.

"U can't speak English again eh, Ajebo Writer, Serial Ranter. U can't talk. Did u or did u not admire Tems nyansh & breast." She asked

"I swear I did not. I only supported ur statement with facts." I replied shakily.

"Oh, so it's facts that she has a great body?" She asked again.

"Ahh, Jesus is Lord." I prayed.

"Jesus won't save you today, you must explain. Do you like her body more than mine?" My wife asked.

"God forbid, she has nothing on you. How can you even think that, this small girl?" I pointed at her again because the advert was running again.

"You think I'm a child. You're admiring another woman in front of your wife, if you can lust after another woman in my front imagine what you will do behind me." My wife said standing up and taking all the food and snacks we bought.

"Honey no nah, please. I didn't lust after anybody. You were the one that initiated the conversation, I simply responded to what you said about her body. I was supporting you, please at least leave the chicken." I pleaded.

She stopped, turned to me and then slowly came back and picked up the bottle of wine on the table then entered the room and shut the door, locking it behind her.

No more couple TV nights again. I didn't even eat d food bcos she seized it. I had to go & warm egusi soup & make eba that I ate, something I was avoiding. Then I slept on the couch that night.

It took me a few days to apologize and beg for forgiveness & extra days to be forgiven.

Two weeks later...

My wife and I are walking to the bus stop to buy fruits from the mallam that sells fresh fruits in his wheelbarrow. This very curvy daughter of Eve just came out of nowhere and was slowly cat walking in front of us.

She wore a red tight gown that hugged her full body and made her bubble-round butts to push out hard against the gown, every guy she walked past looked back to take a second look. I know they weren't looking back to admire her hair which was pink and cut low.

So, I started looking left, right, up and down, sideways, and anywhere to avoid looking straight.

After some minutes, she crossed to the other side and climbed a bike and I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Baby, did you see that babe wearing the red dress just now? Did you see her nyansh and the beads inside?" My wife asked, whistling low.

"Which babe?"

"The woman that was walking in front of us just now."

I looked left and right as if I was searching.

"Where's she?" I asked innocently

"She just crossed the road, she was right in front of you, putting on a red gown. You didn't see the woman?" My wife asked surprised.

"Honey, the only woman I see is you."

"Stop joor, I wanted to gossip about her shape with you, her nyansh was almost falling out of her dress. So, did you see her or not?"

"My eyes are for you alone and the only shape and nyansh I see are yours," I replied.

Next thing she stopped, so I stopped too, and then she looked at me and smiled.

"Good, you passed."

"Passed what?" I asked innocently.

"Never mind. Mallam, good afternoon. How much be these ones here."

I turned and did the sign of the cross quietly then joined her to select the cucumber, carrots, and other fruits we came out to buy.

Once bitten, twice shy!

Written by Ajebo writer.