Off Track

Choo Choooo! Joslyn mumbled a groan as she began to will herself to consciousness at the prompt of the unfamiliar sound. Her head throbbed with an achy pain that seemed to emanate from the base of her skull. She pinched the bridge of her nose just below her brow, and squeezed her eyes tightly in a drawn out wince. She needed a moment to prepare before allowing her drumming brain to embrace the added stimulus of light when she opened her eyes.

“Did I drink too much last night?” she wondered. “When was last night? When is now? What day is it? Am I moving?”

Her eyes shot open. The sudden flood of stimulus did in fact yield a small surge of discomfort for her fragile head. However, despite the brief increase of discomfort to her brain, her eyes darted around quickly taking in information of her surroundings. Seats in rows, an aisle in the middle, various people sparsely occupying seats, and windows along the sides.

“Am I on a plane?” she thought for a moment.

There was a rhythmic hum from underneath and a subtle jostling. She looked out the window to her right and only saw gray, but no airplane wings. She looked down, and saw the ground just outside, and a blur of wooden beams passing underneath.

“I’m on a train!?” she thought to herself in bewilderment. “Why am I on a train?” she thought as she strained herself to remember where she was.

Retracing her most recent recollection, she came up empty. Joslyn had no idea what year it was, let alone why she was on this train. She began to take inventory of herself for clues, since her memory was as helpful as the gray fog outside the train windows.

Her wavy ebony hair with mocha/caramel highlights was held in a low ponytail draped over her left shoulder as her head rested against the back of her seat. She wore her favorite black sports bra which offered comfortable support, while appearing formal enough for public display, as it currently showed where her gray cable-knit sweater hung off her right shoulder. Her black leggings met a pair of white designer high-top tennis shoes that she had been thinking of buying for a little while now. She was waiting on a couple more paychecks before she splurged on them.

“Did I buy them on a whim during whatever trip I must be on?” she said quietly as she tried to reason with herself. “I clearly planned to be on this train based on my wardrobe,” she thought, as she took note of the outfit which prioritized comfort, but allowed for style as well.

“It must be a long train ride if I’m wearing my travel get-up,” She concluded.

The seat next to her was empty.

“Odd that I’m by myself,” she thought.

Though not having any idea where she was, or where she was going, concerned Joslyn, she found comfort in the appearance that she did not seem to be in any direct danger. Joslyn had never been on a train before, and this further added to the mystery. Having grown up in a medium sized midwestern town, the only trains around, were used to transport coal for the power plant. She wondered if perhaps she was finally on the Europe trip that she and her best friend Cassy have planned to go on since they were in middle school.

Joslyn would occasionally let Cassy talk her into a night on the town with drinks and dancing. Cassy would always poke at Joslyn saying “come on, you aren’t going to find a boyfriend by staying in on a Saturday!”

A girls night out with Cassy would explain the headache, and a Europe trip would be an occasion for the shopping spree on the new shoes. But if that were the case, then where was Cassy? And why could she not remember anything?

“Did I get drugged?” Joslyn wondered.

In all the late nights of dancing and drinks with her best friend, Joslyn was always very careful to not take drinks from strangers, and had never drank enough to black out. She checked the pocket of her leggings, only to find an EMT name badge that said “Chris,” and a ticket stub that said “carnival.”

“Who’s Chris?” She wondered. “And why do I have his name badge? Moreover, where is my phone?”

Fear began to well up within her as the notion of having been possibly drugged in another country began to emerge as the most likely scenario that she now found herself in.

She could swear that the train was now moving faster than when she first awoke, and the sensation of one of her anxiety attacks began to tingle up her spine.

Just then, a skinny man with disheveled hair, entered the train car from an adjacent car. He looked as though he hadn’t slept in days, and walked hunched over, clutching his brown corduroy jacket to himself with both hands. As he nervously made his way up the aisle, darting his gaze from side to side, he came to the row in which Joslyn sat, and quickly took the empty seat next to her. Joslyn noticed that his obnoxious burnt red and bright yellow plaid shirt was buttoned unevenly.

Joslyn thought to herself “great, the living embodiment of my anxiety just showed up right on time for my panic attack.”

“The train is speeding up.” the man frantically quipped.

“So I’m not the only one who noticed,” Joslyn responded.

The man’s outward appearance matched the nervousness within herself. His insecurity seemed to validate the growing worry within herself.

“My name is Joslyn.”

“I’m Axel,” he piped in response.

“Do you know where this train is going?”

“I don’t know, I followed you on,” Axel replied; looking at her as though he feared her response.

“You followed me?” Joslyn asked, prodding Axel to expand on the statement.

“I don’t know, you looked like you could use a travel companion, and… And, I was afraid, and you seemed nice,” Axel whimpered in embarrassment.

Joslyn stared silently into her lap as she fidgeted with the EMT name badge. Axel didn’t seem dangerous, and Joslyn appreciated someone to talk to while she tried to remember why she was here. She didn’t want to ask too many questions, for fear of revealing her helpless state of not knowing where she was.

“Who’s Chris?” Axel asked, pointing to the name badge that Joslyn held.

“Oh, ummm…” Joslyn cleared her throat to buy time to come up with an acceptable answer.

“A romantic interest?”Axel asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh, maybe. I haven’t decided if I’m ‘interested’ yet.” Joslyn lied; drawing on vague fragments of reality from her romantic life.

***

One late Sunday morning Joslyn sat at a wicker table on the sidewalk patio of a cafe near her house, having brunch with Cassy. A man with deep brown wavy locks of hair, well manicured scruff, and a green flannel with rolled up sleeves, walked an impossibly adorable dog up the sidewalk behind Joslyn. Cassy’s gaze was fixed as she mechanically took a sip of her mimosa in an attempt to appear natural. Immediately noticing the change in her best friend's demeanor, Joslyn turned to see what had captured Cassy’s attention.

As she turned, Joslyn’s elbow pushed the small wire basket of condiments off the table. With a brash reflex, Joslyn attempted to catch the falling basket with the hand that held her cell phone. All in a humiliating moment the basket made it to the ground with a rattling crash, while Joslyn’s cell phone went soaring to a tree planter on the edge of the sidewalk. Cassy choked on her fresh sip of mimosa in laughter, and proceeded to cough up the orange juice and champagne onto her shirt, in her own miniature display of comedic catastrophe. Joslyn turned beat red, as Cassy continued to cough, laugh, and gasp for air.

A magazine worthy smile stretched across the handsome man’s face as he held his own laughter down under determined sympathy. He picked up Joslyn’s phone from across the sidewalk and handed it to her, while kneeling to also help pick up the wire basket and its contents.

“Thank you.” Joslyn sheepishly squeaked.

“I hope you two don’t do that every time someone walks by,” The man teased as he stood up to continue along the sidewalk. “Have a great day, and be careful,” he chimed with a wave to the speechless and embarrassed girls.

Cassy, having finally regained somewhat of her composure leaned in to giggle with the mortified Joslyn about the absolute hilarity of what just happened.

“This is why we are both single.” Cassy joked.

Several paces up the sidewalk, the man stopped, paused for a second, and turned around to make a direct approach to Joslyn. Now blushing himself, he said, “hey um if you’re available, would you like to do something this weekend?”

Joslyn starred in bewilderment, and her anxiety raced to the top of her head.

“Oh she’s available!” Cassy blurted out.

“Cassy!” Joslyn snarled through her teeth.

“I’m Mark” The man said as he held out his hand.

“Joslyn.” She replied as she shyly shook his hand.

“Here’s my number. Feel free to text me if you’re open to it,” Mark said as he scribbled a number on a napkin from the wire basket. After staring expectantly for a moment with no reply from Joslyn, he politely chirped “Have a great day,” before resuming a quick pace down the sidewalk.

“Oh my God Joslyn, text him right now!” Shrieked Cassy in excitement.

“No way!” Joslyn spat, as she crinkled up the napkin. “He thinks I’m crazy after all that.”

“If he thought you were crazy, he wouldn’t have turned around to give you his number. He’s totally smitten by you. Did you see the way he blushed when you shook his hand?” Cassy took the napkin from Joslyn and pressed it out flat on the table.

Joslyn thought for a moment, and then began to type Mark's number into the text field on her phone. “Nevermind, I can’t!” Joslyn sighed as she set her phone down on the table and folded her arms.

“Then I will,” Cassy piped as she snagged Joslyn’s phone and retreated across the table to type a text.

“Cass!” Joslyn wailed as she groped for her phone.

“Too late, it's sent.” Cassy smirked.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, I just said ‘Hi Mark, this is Joslyn. It’d be great to hang out this weekend. What do you have in mind?’”

“Oh no,” Joslyn said dismally as she buried her face in her hands.

“Oooo! He’s responding!” Cassy Squealed.

“What did he say!?”

“He says ‘Awesome! What about the fair that's in town?’”

“I don’t know Cass. I’m not sure I’m ready to meet anyone. Besides, boys like that will just break your heart. I’m probably the 3rd girl today to receive his number.”

“Not every guy is a bad guy Joslyn.” Cassy took on a stern but compassionate demeanor, and put her hand gently on Joslyn’s tensely folded hands. “Listen, I know your ex was a horrible person, but you can’t let the trauma and fear rob you of living.”

***

“Boys like that will just break your heart,” Axel sputtered, interrupting Joslyn from the memory.

Joslyn looked at Axel curiously. “You don’t even know him.”

“Perhaps not, but you look like someone with experience. You’re probably the 3rd girl to receive a name badge from this ‘Chris.’” Axel gestured sarcastic quotation marks with his fingers.

Joslyn stared silently, perplexed and mystified with the familiarity of those words. The train jolted and seemed to lurch forward moving even faster now.

Axel curled up into a ball in his seat, hugging his knees. “I tell you this train is out of control!” He yelped.

“Do you know where the bathroom is?” Joslyn asked.

“It's up that way past the observation car.” Axel pointed toward the front of the car.

Joslyn got up and scooted past the frightened Axel. She carefully made her way to the front of the car. The train did seem to be going much faster than it should be going, but then again Joslyn wasn’t sure how fast trains typically go. She nervously traversed the junction between train cars, and entered the observation car. Joslyn felt a bit more at ease in the open layout with large windows that curved up over the ceiling. The seats were cushioned bucket seats that faced the windows; some single seats, and some two seat benches. There were only a few people spread out, each occupied with a newspaper, a book, or peering out the windows.

Joslyn didn’t actually need to use the restroom, she just needed to step away for a moment. She found a comfortable bench seat and sat down. With the silence she became aware that her head still hurt. Out the windows there was nothing but gray fog. She sat examining the medical insignia on the “Chris” name badge.

“That’s my name.” A deep gentle voice hummed behind her.

Startled, Joslyn turned to see the kindest eyes she had ever seen in her life, staring back at her from the smooth dark complexion of a tall and strong looking man.

“What?” Joslyn said, confused.

“That badge you are holding, that's my name. I’m Chris,” said the man with a beaming smile. “It’s short for Christian,” he said with half a chuckle to himself. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Go for it,” Joslyn replied, and nodded toward the empty half of the bench seat.

“Thank you,” said Christian as he took a seat. He moved in a humble and gentle way, despite his muscular mass. “So what is your name?”

“I’m Joslyn, nice to meet you.”

The train jolted in an erratic way, still moving extremely fast. Joslyn winced with her throbbing head. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say we are on a runaway train,” Joslyn joked to make light of the increasingly apparent speed and chaotic motion of the train.

“Do you know better?” Christian asked in an even, but very literal tone.

Joslyn felt almost as if he were calling her bluff on the fact that she knew nothing at all about this train or why she was on it. Christian stared as if expecting a sincere answer to the question, and Joslyn quickly shifted the conversation in an attempt to gain more information.

Joslyn smiled and asked “So where are you getting off at?” She hoped that whatever he said would at least help narrow down an idea of what planet she was on.

“Oh, I don’t have a destination. On train rides like these, I like to meet people and hope to make a meaningful difference in their lives if I can.”

Though Joslyn appreciated the virtuousness of his intent, though she was a little irritated by the failed attempt to gather any helpful clues to her situation.

“Are you expecting someone at your destination?” Christian asked, as he nodded at the name bage still in Joslyn’s hand.

“No, I don’t… I mean yes I hope so.” Joslyn sputtered as she scrambled to come up with the most tactful way to answer his question. For all she knew, it very well could be Christian’s name badge. Perhaps she drank too much to remember this seemingly kind man at all.

The train screeched as it took a slight bend in its path, and everyone on board experienced more than a little turbulence.

Christian looked at Joslyn sympathetically, and leaned in to speak softly to her, “Listen, I’ve rode a lot of trains like this, and I’ve met a lot of people. I know the look of someone who is lost. But it's okay you may trust me. You can’t let fear rob you of living.”

Joslyn shot back in her seat, shocked by yet another direct quote from her past. Things began to seem more and more unreal, and Joslyn wondered if she might be dreaming. The train took another, sharp turn, and one side of the train car raised slightly, before slamming back down, once the bend in the tracks straightened.

“Ok. Ok. What is going on here?” Joslyn panted in fright. “This isn’t real,'' she declared to herself.

“It is very real Joslyn. You have let fear put you on a dangerous track. I need you to be brave,” instructed Christian.

Joslyn began to feel a panic attack surge within her. Just then Axel came scrambling through the door at the back of the train car. He spotted Joslyn and all but ran to her.

“They’re checking tickets!” Axel shrieked in a whisper.

Christian glared at Axel. Axel shriveled under the smolder, but nonetheless focussed his concern toward Joslyn. Upon the insinuation that she did not have a train ticket, Joslyn glanced at Christian to gauge his reaction; still unsure as to how, or why Axel was so privy to the fact. Joslyn was at a loss for any attempt to keep up her charade of confidence. She stared at the stoic Christian with eyes that pleaded for a reaction, and prayed for help.

In a calm, even tone Christian spoke, “If you do not have a ticket, then perhaps you are not meant to be on this train.”

“Mind your own business, rude man!” Axel spat, before cowering behind Joslyn. “We can ride this train if we choose.”

At that moment the door at the back of the car opened, and a few people wearing blue uniforms came through the door.

“Run!” squealed Axel, as he and Joslyn shot up to flee.

“Stay!” Urged Christian. “He isn’t helping you Joslyn!”

Joslyn and Axel scrambled to the opposite door to escape to the next car.

The woman in the blue uniform at the front of the group shouted, “Come back! Come back! Come back!”

Joslyn and Axel clammored between the bustling train cars, and shut the doors behind them. The next train car was another passenger car, but did not have any passengers in it. Joslyn and Axel stumbled forward on account of the incessant turbulence. This train was evidently out of control.

“Lets hide!” suggested Axel.

Despite Joslyn’s instinct that agreed with Axel, Cassy’s word’s, repeated by Christian, echoed in Joslyn’s ears, “You can’t let fear rob you of living.” Joslyn stopped, paralyzed by the battle raging in her head. Her blood pumped fast as the train, and her fight-or-flight response told her to hide, but her heart told her to be brave.

“No,” she finally said. “I want to know who is driving this train.” Joslyn turned to move to the next car.

Axel lurched from cowering behind a seat, and grasped Joslyn’s ankle. “We must hide!” He shouted. “You don’t know what they could do to us!”

“I don’t even know you!” Joslyn yelled as she fell and tried to kick away Axel’s hold.

The people in uniform burst through the door at the back.

“Calm her down!” the woman yelled to her counterparts.

Joslyn freed herself from Axel’s grip, and raced to the front of the train car.

“Come back! Come back Joslyn! Come back!” Screamed the woman in the uniform.

Joslyn ran for her life. The train heaved and bounced. One jolt of the train sent Joslyn flying into the wall. Determined and frantic, she got up and continued racing to the next car.

“We’re losing her!” came the shouts of the people pursuing after her.

Another buck of the train sent Joslyn reeling into another wall. Certain she was going to die anyways, Joslyn continued her pursuit. She passed through one car after the next, on a mission to reach the engine. As she went, some of the cars had passengers being tumbled about by the rumbling train. Joslyn swore she recognized some of them, but couldn’t be sure. She reached the final entrance to the engine. A metal plack on the door read “Drive.”

She opened the door to find an empty mechanical room filled with buttons, levers and knobs. The walls were oddly adorned with mirrors, but amongst the mirrors were photographs. She examined the photographs to find pictures of her family, her friends, and some of her most treasured memories.

“Are you starting to get it?” Christian asked from behind her.

Joslyn jumped! “What the hell is going on here!?” She demanded. “Who are you?”

“What is the last thing you remember before the train Joslyn?” Christian asked, still calm and direct.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything!” Joslyn whimpered and began to sob.

“Come on Joslyn, think. You can do this. Did you have anything besides the name tag?”

Joslyn thought for a moment. “The carnival ticket! I had a ticket stub from a carnival.”

“Good.” Encouraged Christian. “Where did you get it from?” Christian asked.

“The fair. The.. the date I went on with Mark!” She yelped.

The train bucked and rattled violently. Joslyn screamed. Christian braced himself.

“Stay with me Joslyn!” Christian yelled. “What happened at the fair?”

“I… I don’t know. I was nervous…” The train rocked and bucked.

“Come on Joslyn, why were you nervous?” Demanded Christian.

“Because I’m always nervous!” Wailed Joslyn. “I’m always afraid. I don’t know how to trust anyone. Mark was so nice, but I kept telling myself it was a lie, and was all going to come crashing down at some point.” The train whipped them across the engine room. Joslyn screamed, and found herself caught in Christian’s arms.

“Stay with me Joslyn, you’re doing great.” Christian held her, yelling over the rumble of the train. “What happened next at the fair?”

“We went on the ferris wheel. We were near the top. I’m not normally afraid of heights, but I was terrified. Mark was so kind. He told me ‘its ok, you can trust me,’ and I panicked. I stood up, I don’t know why. And then I started to fall.”

The train screeched, jolted, and suddenly they went weightless, as the hull of the engine turned sideways.

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore!” Sobbed Joslyn. “I want to trust. I want to be happy and brave!”

***

“Come back Joslyn! Come back to us!” Repeated the voice of the woman from the train.

Joslyn opened her eyes and saw the woman from the train, except they weren’t on a train. She was a doctor in scrubs looking down at her along with a team of emergency physicians.

“She’s coming back!” They exclaimed. “We’re getting her back! Good job Joslyn. Stay with us,” the doctor encouraged.

Joslyn looked at the surgeon’s faces, and amongst them she saw Christian. He was wearing an EMT uniform with the same name badge that said “Chris” on it. Her eyes met his.

Chris winked and said, “good job Joslyn, you were brave.”