Ocean's Ornament Annual Aquatic Pageant

The truth was the job sucked. Working at Ocean’s Abound Amusement Park, where you go to see the sea, sucked. No way around it. Jordan smelled like fish all the time; her back ached; the children were loud and the parents were mean and the animals always looked miserable.

Especially Bessie, the Great White.

Maybe she was miserable because she knew that she was the most dangerous animal in the ocean and was named Bessie, like some dairy cow. But, more likely, she looked miserable because, like Jordan, she had to be here all day.

Bessie seemed particularly miserable today, as Jordan tossed her fish guts from a ledge. She wasn’t eating any of them; she just watched them float lifelessly, listlessly, to the bottom of her over-chlorinated tank.

“Come on, Bessie.” Jordan leaned forward, tossing the next fish head closer to the shark. It nearly hit the Great White square on the nose.

“Come on…” Further forward, still no response.

“Come on!” Forward. Nothing.

“COME ON YOU STUPID--” Whatever insult she’d been about to lob at Bessie with the next chunk of fish guts was swallowed by the harsh sting of the tank water as she leaned to far and off the edge of the feeding platform.

Jordan felt her head collide with the glass edge of the tank. For a moment, she could see out of the aquarium, into the hallways she spent all day wandering in. Which way was up? There didn’t seem to be an up. There was just water.

And chlorine.

And salt.

And a shark.

Bessie was bigger and meaner looking up close. She swam closer to Jordan, leathery skin gleaming while the human struggled to regain her bearings. Bessie got closer; Jordan could see the gristle and fish guts caught between the shark’s teeth. Jordan shut her eyes tight. Jesus christ, was this how she went? Eaten alive by a Great White for minimum wage?

“Hey!”

Jordan’s eyes snapped open. There Bessie swam, a hulking pale grey beast just inches from her face.

“Hey!”

Whatever you imagine a shark looks like when it talks, the truth is you’re about correct. Bessie’s teeth were surprisingly gentle on the greeting.

“You knocked your head pretty hard! Are you ok?”

Jordan started to sputter out an answer and immediately inhaled a deep gulp of chemical-tasting water.

“Here, let me help you.”

Suddenly Bessie was underneath her, guiding her towards the surface.

“YOU TALK?!”

All things considered, it wasn’t the politest thing Jordan could’ve said to her rescuer.

“Not to most people,” Bessie said, the very tip of her nose peaked out of the water. “I think your bump on the noggin helped us understand each other, on account of I bump my head a lot. The glass, it messes with you, doesn’t it?”

Jordan nodded. Still stunned.

“But, while I’ve got you, I had a favor to ask you!”

` “Oh god, you want to eat me, don’t you?”

“What! No! That’s such a hurtful stereotype!”

‘Shark-eyed’ would never again mean dead eyed and soulless. Jordan didn’t remember a ton from her marine biology classes, but she was fairly sure sharks didn’t usually have have tear-ducts.

“Okay! I’m sorry,” Jordan muttered. “What do you want?”

“Well, you just proved me exactly right.” Bessie said, turning away.

“Huh?”

“I want that.”

Jordan followed her eyes to a poster on the fence at the far end of the shark pool, a drawing of turquoise blue dolphin wearing a pastel pink bow leaping out of a pool. Her back was arched gracefully over typography reading Ocean’s Ornament, Prettiest Fish in the Sea.

“Oh…”

Every year, as part of a promotional stunt, Ocean’s Abound, held an aquatic beauty pageant where quests could vote for the animal at the park they thought was prettiest. Usually it was a dolphin or an otter, once it was a turtle, the same year the park tried using paper straws (they switched back to plastic the next year, after the drink sales plummeted).

“I want to win.”

“Oh, Bessie… That’s a popularity contest, you know?”

“I know! I want to be popular!”

Jordan looked Bessie over. The bullet shaped body, the strong fins, the skin like concrete…

But the eyes, Bessie seemed so… Tragic.

“Ok, I’ll try to help you win the pageant.”

Great White Sharks do not look cute in pink pastel bows. Or with turquoise flowers. The bonnets that Ocean’s Abound put the otters in interfered with Bessie’s gills.

“I could still wear it!”

But if Jordan killed the terror of the deep, she’d definitely fired and she might have the new shark taken out of her paycheck.

“I think we’re going to have to go all natural.”

Bessie sighed, bubbles dancing across the surface of the water.

“I’m screwed.”

“MOM! I WANNA GO SEE THE DOLPHINS!”

“Jordan! Now’s our chance!” Bessie muttered.

“On it.”

Jordan cleared her throat. “Hey! You want to see a shark?”

“Yeah, sweetie, why don’t we look at the shark?” The mom agrees.

“NO! I WANT DOLPHINS!”

“Sweetie, the dolphins are on the other side of the park. We’ll see them in a little, ok?”

The daughter didn't look convinced, but stepped up to the glass of the shark tank anyways. Now was Bessie’s moment. Here, she could wow herself a new fan.

Bessie had never been so nervous. She gave her tail a little extra wiggle as she approached, she grinned her best grin and swam close to the glass. Now was her moment--

“MOM! SHARK!” The little girl ducked behind her mother with astonishing speed. “Mommy… it tried to eat me!”

“I… didn’t…” Bessie said, glancing from the girl to Jordan. “I didn’t!”

“Oh, she’s not gonna eat you,” Jordan said. “That’s just how she says hello!”

The little girl did not stop sniffling.

“Come on, hon,” said her mother. “Let’s go see the dolphins…”

“WAIT!” Jordan shouted before she could really think, “Do you want to vote for Ocean’s Ornament, Prettiest Fish in the Sea?”

They did not want to vote for the Great White Shark for prettiest fish. The little girl voted for dolphins, despite, as Bessie pointed out--

“Dolphins aren’t even fish, it’s not even their pageant.”

“Jordan! Can I speak with you for a moment?”

Jordan froze. It was very rare that the manager wanted to speak to her and even rarer that him wanting to speak to her led to anything good.

“Sure, what do you need?”

“I noticed you seemed to take a special interest in the Ocean’s Ornament pageant this year.”

“Oh, I uh… I guess?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to help out with the medal ceremony. It’ll be on TV” He drew out the word TV like he was dangling a lobster tail in front of her face. “No extra pay of course.”

“Sure, I’ll do it… so, who won?”

“Dolphin, same as last year.”

“Sorry, Bessie. I did my best.”

“You tried. At the end of the day, a shark’s a shark.”

“And the winner of this year’s Ocean’s Ornament pageant is… Aquamarine the Dolphin!”

Jordan leaned forward with extreme care to place a tiara on the dolphin’s head.

“Don’t get it in the blowhole, yeah?” snarled the dolphin.

“I won’t.” Jordan muttered.

“Ah, so you’re the freak that brained themself so hard they started speaking marine. Ya know, a little birdie—“

A seagull squawked over head.

“YEAH SHUT IT! I’LL DROWN YOU, YOU CHICKEN NUGGET REJECT!”

Aquamarine punctuated her threat with a shot of water out of her blowhole, to the delight of the crowd. The dolphin rolled her eyes.

“Told me you’ve been helpin ol’ Bessie?”

“Guess I have. She really wanted it.”

“Poor thing. Tell ya, what? She can have it.”

“You’re not happy to win?”

“‘Course I’m not! I’m a dolphin! I’m not meant to have this plastic kid’s toy on my head! I wanna be free.”

“I’ll tell you what, I have an idea.”

“HEY! What the hell are you doing?!” Jordan’s manager screamed as he trudged toward her, sand clinging to the fibers of the ocean blue polyester suit he’d worn for the broadcast.

Jordan let the turtle slip through her hand into the water.

“I’m putting the Ocean’s Abound animals back in the ocean.”

“You’ll be fired for this!”

“I don’t care!”

Then Jordan’s head was underwater. He’d tackled her to the sandy ocean floor and she felt her head ricochet off a buried rock.

Bubbles clouded her vision.

Bubbles that turned from white to red.

With a gasp she resurfaced to see Bessie with her teeth around the manager’s wrist as Aquamarine swam in jeering circles, squealing and chittering, just like a dolphin should.

“Jordan!!” Bessie cried “Are you ok?”

The shark’s friend just stared at her in confusion.

“Awe, Bess… I don’t think she can hear us.”

“What?! No! I… I’m gonna miss her!”

Bess watched as Jordan’s head jerked toward a jet ski careening toward them.

“Coast guard…” Jordan muttered. “You need to go!”

“Jordan!”

“Bessie… I don’t know what you’re saying,” the human said helplessly, hands spread open in confused frustration.

Aquamarine wound between Jordan and the shark. “We gotta go. Coast guard sees a shark this close and they’ll freak.”

“But, I’m not dange—“

“Humans don’t know that!”

“Jordan did!”

“A shark’s a shark!”

“Hey!” Jordan cut in. “I don’t know what’s taking so long but you’re all free! You can go now. You have to go now. But…”

Jordan leaned forward, petting the rough skin of the shark’s back. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too…”

Aquamarine dove, heading further from shore. Bessie had no choice.

“You’re my favorite fish in the sea!” The shark called just before her nose dipped underwater.

But Jordan only heard the crashing of the waves.

“I don’t know if it makes you feel better,” Aquamarine said once the shore disappeared from view. “But I’m a mammal, not a fish so… I’m technically disqualified.”

“That means I win?”

“Sure, you win.”