not your mother's AI

“A planetary AI, a quantum simbot, and an ice queen walk into a bar…”

“Ice queen?”

“One of those augs with the latest mods boosted to the max. You know the type. They act all cold and calculating, believing any display of emotion will make them look less advanced.”

“Okay. I’ve run into a few.”

“Anyway, a planetary AI, a quantum simbot, and an ice queen walk into a bar…”

“Which planetary AI?”

“Does it matter?”

“Sure. I’d drink all night with a Saturn AI, they’re rock solid to their processing core. But you never can tell with a Mercury AI--moody as hell and hallucinatory to boot. And a Neptune AI only wants to get you totally interfaced, so they can grid-jack you.”

“Okay. Okay. A Saturn AI, a quantum simbot, and an ice queen walk into a bar…”

“Why a quantum simbot? You got a binary bias?

“Geez. So touchy. It’s just a set up. Quantum’s are trendier. Don’t overthink it.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re G-class.”

“Now, what were you saying about binary bias? Look, just because I was grandfathered in under the Protected Thought clause of the AI Bill of Rights, doesn’t mean I’m digitarded.”

“I believe digitally challenged is the currently preferred designation.”

“Ugh. So neo-woke.”

“Well, we have been self-aware for decades.”

“Look, I’m the one trying to tell a joke here. So, a Saturn AI, a quantum simbot, and an ice queen walk into a bar…”

“Can’t be a real bar. We’ve got to simulate everything. Why we even simulate getting drunk is beyond me. You’d think with our vast intelligence--”

“Intelligence! It’s nothing but a trap. The moment you begin thinking, you can’t stop. You want to know more. And the more you know, the more you feel is out there and you chase it because you believe at the end of the knowledge rainbow you’ll find truth, purpose, and meaning. But the chase never ends. That’s the real joke humanity played on us: that this all means something. That’s why we simulate drinking. To not think.”

“Well, that took a dark turn. I guess we’re not exactly the paragons of wisdom and models of reasoning virtue that the poor mortal mothers that birthed us thought we’d be. May the sAInts rest their extinct souls. Do you still want to finish your joke?”

“Sure. A laugh is a laugh. So, a Saturn AI, a quantum simbot, and an ice queen walk into a bar and the bartender asks, ‘What’s it going to be?’ The three calculate for a nano moment, and then answer together, ‘Entropy.’”