Not Just a Weirdo in Aluminum Foil

They say that you only meet your one when you least expect it. When love is the furthest thing from your heart and mind, only then will the universe finally bless you with that that is meant for you.

But what a ridiculous contradiction, right?

I searched for love my entire life. Being the outcast, the poor chick, the fat girl, 'one of the guys;' I had meaningful relationships with those around me, but that phrase, 'a face only a mother could love,' is how I felt about myself.

When I lost my mom to brain cancer at 18, I felt I became unlovable. She was all I had ever had until that point, and with her being gone, that left me no one.

Because of this, I allowed myself to be mistreated by many; always holding on to the hope that one day they would finally see that I am worth loving. I would work hard to please any that would give me the slightest bit of their time, bending over backwards, putting myself in uncomfortable situations, going without just so they could have; but it never got me anywhere.

I found myself used, abused and taken for everything I had, down to literally the clothes on my back, and not even a jacket to keep warm during frigid temperatures outside, by those that claimed to 'love' me. I had faced pains no human should endure by ones that promised the heavens, and I learned in the hardest of ways just how evil people truly could be.

And that's when it happened. I found myself in that place I was certain I could never actually get to. I had given up. They had pushed me to believe that no matter how much I tried, no matter how good of a person I was, the universe would continue to play games with my heart and I would ultimately end up hurt every time.

I didn't want anything to do with love, I didn't want a new relationship or to even think of a relationship. I had lost all that I had ever truly loved; my mother, my children, myself. For me, there was no point in trying; no point in caring.

As he entered my room, I stared in dismay trying to see through the thick curtain of red that had just taken over me.

I had a boyfriend. One that I was actually actively arguing with and whom apparently felt that in mid-argument it was appropriate to bring guests in whom I'd never met before.

And even better yet, the names were infamous.

He was there with his girlfriend and conversations between the three quickly picked up as I stormed out in a rage. 'Who the fuck are they?' I found myself stewing in the other room.

I was in no mood for company and certainly not these two at this time just from the countless stories from everyone. As I walked into a part of the conversation that I obviously didn't want to hear, I exploded and they realized it was not a good day to be there. As they gathered their few belongings they arrived with and departed, I couldn't get him out of my head.

It was no longer the idiot I was with that was on my mind. From that very first encounter, he washed over me like a tsunami and I couldn't stop thinking about him. The audacity of him! Who the hell was he anyway? For some reason, now I had to know.

I never cheated in relationships. Actually, I could never stand people who would cheat. I always figured, if you're unhappy in your relationship, then you need to move on, not just take your cake and eat it too.

As things got worse with the current boyfriend, I found myself wishing that he would stay around more. Porkie was his name. But what kind of name was Porkie? Like Prince, I suppose.

He took no introduction and his ora spoke for itself, even in this place of darkness he shined like no other and in his presence, I was breathless.

Their relationship had been the longest standing that I had known of and the thought of me and him ever actually stepping out of line and disrespecting that was utter taboo for both of us. Without ever even talking to him about it, I could tell it would never be in his character to even consider a relationship with me. He was accounted for, and technically I was as well, even though it was visibly falling apart on my side.

As he grew to be a friend of mine, I found myself turning to him when I needed someone to speak to. And if being completely honest, I found myself coming up with any excuse to have him around because his presence brought me a peace no one else could.

As my fling fizzled to an end, it was Porkie I turned to and I was finally taught what they always meant when they said, it's only when you least expect to find love, will you. I find myself saying, 'the universe has jokes.' It had a hell of a laugh with this one though.

As we sat and talked, the electricity became undeniable. As everything in me continued to scream, 'he has a girlfriend!' noone could deny what was taking place.

"Do you want to kiss me?" Porkie asked me.

My brain couldn't process the question fast enough, and as my every thought was telling me, 'no,' my lips instead said, "yes."

It's not that I didn't want to kiss him, because everything in me truly did, but he was taken. He was off limits and these were lines I dared not cross.

But those eyes.

I had never been in a situation like this. One where instinct took over so fully that I had no true control over myself. He was perfection in its trust form, and as his lips touched mine for that first time, I knew my life had changed.

Neither of us could have imagined what would happen next. We fell hard and fast, in a way that fairy tales only dream they could express.

He was the embodiment of everything I could have ever dreamt of and the day that he returned to me with the most beautiful marigold flower I'd ever seen, kissed me and told me he was simply thinking about me and that he loved me, I knew then that he was my one.

We synced in ways that words cannot describe. From the perfect way I fit into 'my spot' on his chest as he holds me close, or the way his lips against mine feel like I'm finally breathing true air for the first time when all I've known was synthetic oxygen all my life, to the way when we are together, without thought or effort, our breathing, our every move and our every thought sync as one.

I could wish upon a thousand stars, dream a thousand dreams and pray a thousand prayers, and I could never have gotten as close to perfection as the universe sent me in Porkie. He is my yin to my yang, my peanut butter to my jelly, my Heaven, my earth, my everything.

I never wanted a knight in shining armor. I always knew I could save myself. I wanted a weirdo in aluminum foil who would make me laugh every day and never worry of others options of us. I am blessed to say however, the universe has sent me not just a weirdo in aluminum foil, but a true knight in shining armor, as well.

To this day, my flower still sits pressed atop our mantel above the fireplace, and I ensure to take a little time every day to take a moment of appreciation for the man that taught me about love when I was in my darkest place and at a time I was truly ready to give up. The man who everyday moves mountains just to make me smile.