Nightmares from our past

Waking Nightmares
She woke up in a cold sweat, the wind was blowing outside. She can hear the rain pounding down on the roof above her. Could this be happening again? Could she really be having more nightmares? Why won't this dream go away? Why can't it just stop? When will these nightmares finally sece? CRACK! A branch hits the side of the house, Kiara jumps. She gets out of bed and walks over to the window to look out at the storm predicted by the weatherman last night. She can see the weeping willow tree outside whipping back and forth in the wind. It’s much worse than I assumed it would be, she thought to herself. Just then lightning flashes and then the thunder. She looked over at her bed to find Teddy who was shivering under the blankets. Teddy hated loud noises. Sometimes she ended up in the closet, but not always.
Kiara looked over at her alarm clock….. 3 a.m., She was tired, but lately it seem like she just could not get any rest. She tried and she tried but she only lay there for hours in the dark, not getting a bit of sleep. Even when she fell asleep she woke up more un-rested than when she had laid down. There was something about the dream though, the fact that it became more and more prevalent in her life. She was tired of the dream, so tired she didn’t even want to think about it anymore. She turned over on her side, tucked an arm under her pillow, pulled her little dog (Teddy Bear was her chi/pom, a very cuddly girl who loved to bark out the car window at any large and loud vehicle as they drove.) close and yanked the blankets up to their chins. Teddy always loved to cuddle as much as she did.
When her eyes finally opened it was 6:30 a.m., again she was not rested. And again she woke up wondering when she would be able to lay down for a nap. For a moment she thought to herself, “This can’t be normal. Most people don’t have this much trouble getting up in the morning.” She’s had many nightmares over the years, Sometimes the same but sometimes different, all with the same main idea. Everything about her life was out of her control! But instead of once every couple months having a dream, now it's every week. It seemed that all she could remember was the horrible nightmares that woke her up feeling lost, alone, out of control and scared, or she wouldn’t remember her dreams at all. These dreams that had been flooding into her waking life recently. More than she was willing to admit.
Kiara reluctantly pulled back her covers, took a deep breath, and slowly started to get out of bed. As her feet touch the floor She shivered from the cold. Knowing that she could easily just fade away. Would anybody miss her? Would anyone wonder what had become of the short girl down the way? Did she still live there, or Would she be back?
Kiara was a short girl, long blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes that could cut you like a knife. She only stood about 4’11, though her size didn’t matter much to her. She doesn’t much care for her skin tone which was almost albino white. She kept her nailed painted, and wore make-up feeling that she needed some color in her life. She wanted desperately to feel as pretty as everyone told her she was. But no matter how hard she tried...she just couldn’t see it. Just a sad and pathetic girl living like a robot in her daily life. Wake up, go to work, come home, take the dog out, eat dinner and fear the coming blanket of darkness that would soon turn into that very real and vivid nightmare. One she would not soon forget. She saw someone who isn’t worthy of even her miniscule life, A life that was a daily reminder of the nightmares. The lack of control that surrounded her.
Rubbing the bugers out of her eyes and yawning big, Kiara stretches as she stands. Slowly making her way to the bathroom for a shower. As she walks her mind starts to wonder. What does it mean? She thinks back to her nightmare from the night before, why a ship? Where was I going? How long had I been on that thing? All she really does know is as the dream starts Kiara finds herself on a big ship...an old ship. One like the USS Constitution of the late 1700’s. Big sales, finely built. She is a young child, maybe 9 or 10. She is crying, tears streaming down her dirty face. She wants to go home, she is so scared. She is standing on the side of the ship with one hand on the railing, staring out at a country so unfamiliar to her. Eyes that curve upwards. Who are these people? What do they want? Why can’t I go home? Someone starts to walk towards her, she darts behind what seems to her to be a gigantic barrel. “What's going to happen now?” she thinks to herself. Is he coming? Was he coming for me? She doesn't know what to do so, she stays where she is sobbing and shaking like a leaf. Finally she hears it, his footsteps approaching. She tried to quiet herself and stay as small as possible, but he sees her. He grabs her by the back of her shirt and yanked her up to her feet dragging her with him as he turns and walks back the way he came. She starts flailing wildly
“No Stop!” she screams though gasping breaths.
“Let me go! What do you want? She is begging now!
“Come with me!” He demands.
She can see that they are heading for stairs...downstairs.
Fearful of what might happen she fights harder, clawing at the hand holding her. By now he has drug her halfway down the stairs. Kiara reaches behind her head and digs her nails into the back of his hand. With a curse and a thump she is released and hits the ground, tumbling down the remaining steps.
“What is wrong with you girl? You almost knocked my feet out from under me!” The man growls.
“Don’t hurt me.” Kiara pleads,”I just wanted you to let me go.”
The man smiles,”Hurt you, Now why would I be doing that?”
He has a big belly that sticks out like he’s got a baby in there. She wonders why he thinks this is funny.
“If you're not going to hurt me, then why am I here?” Kiara stammers as a bad realization hits her! BAD THINGS!!!! HE WANTS BAD THINGS!!!! Her heart starts to race as he stares at her with curiosity.
“Now don’t go acting like you forgot the sale.” The man says sternly.
“I bought you fair and square girl. You're mine!”
“Bought...Bought….Bought me….” Kiara can barely breath. “Bought me.”
She is stunned. Since when do people get bought and sold? Where am I?
Standing in shock, Kiara is going over the conversation in her head. Again and again she stops at the way he says,”I bought you, you're mine.” Suddenly she is knocked off balance by that man shoving her side...pushing her towards the kitchen.
“You get to start by making me dinner.” He snaps. “Now get to it!”
Kiara sighs loudly, with sadness in her heart and defiance in her head, she turns and as slowly as she possibly could walks towards the kitchen. All the while contemplating her first escape attempt. Will he kill me? Does it matter? Then BOOM she’s awake again.
“God!!!!” She accidently shouts. She stops. She has no clue what these dreams could mean. If only she can figure it out.

Confusion in the mist
After most of her day had passed her by, Kiara had returned from her job at the Animal Shelter where she enjoyed spending a big portion of her time (She could bring her beloved Teddy Bear with her). She had sat down to watch one of her DVR recordings and now it was time to take out Teddy. The sweater she had chosen for Teddy was pink and grey with a big heart that covered her back. She had a bright pink harness over the sweater. She was perfect!
“You look very beautiful today sweetheart.” Kiara told Teddy in a soft warming tone as she leashed up the small dog. She just loved that dog so freaking much!
Making their way down the street Kiara was rambling on to Teddy knowing that she would not be receiving a response anytime soon.
She thinks, “So, I’m on a ship.” She says
“I’m a slave?” or “Am I….” or “Who even sold me?”
She looks down at Teddy who is looking back up at her. She realizes that she has stopped walking and is standing in front of a big home surrounded with red rose bushes. Wow she thinks to herself as she looks at the magnificent house, imagining what the inside must look like. When suddenly she feels a hand on her shoulder. Startled by the hand touching her she jumps and shoves the hand away from her.
“Don’t touch me!” She manages to stutter.
“I’m sorry.” A man she does not recognize begins to say.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He finishes.
“Just don’t touch me, I don’t like being touched...except by my dog.” Kiara manages to fake a smile.
“Fair enough.” He smiles back at her.
“Who are you anyway?” Kiara wants to know.
“My friends call me T.W.” He says proudly.
“Okay TW...What do you want? Kiara bends down and scoops Teddy up in her arms.
Confusion washes over her face, she had absolutely no reason why this TW had wanted her attention. He was a handsome man but he was that A MAN. She didn’t trust men! Men had never done right by her. She would never trust them!
“Well, I saw the yard sale next door and you just looked so deep in thought and you're such a beautiful girl.” TW couldn’t seem to finish his sentence. He just kept adding “and” were it didn’t belong. Finally trailing off about something she was now not listening to.
“I’m sorry, can I help you?” Kiara snaps. She was beginning to get annoyed at his insistence on making small talk. Her eyebrow raised in frustration.
“You can’t see that I’m trying to ask for your number? I would very much enjoy seeing you again.” TW looked hopeful and she did think that the excitement in his face was very attractive.
“Uuuuu Mmmmm…..That's very sweet but I don’t give out my number.” Suddenly came out of her mouth, almost out of her control. She was still very unsure of what to think of him.
“That's okay.” He smiles very big at her, “Here’s mine.”
Kiara watches him grab a small notebook out of the pocket of the jacket he was wearing and write something down. He ripped out the page and handed it to her. She grabs the end of the paper facing her and looks up before he lets go. His emerald green eyes sparkled with eagerness as she took the paper from him. He turned and walked back to his bright red car which was loaded with garage/yard sale items. She could tell he was a yard sale junkie. She watched him get in, turn and smile at her, start the car and drive away. She looked down at Teddy who was still in her arms.
“He was a bit strange huh?” Kiara was leaning back down to let Teddy walk again.
“Homeward bound my love.” Kiara says, as her and Teddy head back to their home.
After returning home Kiara smiles lovingly at Teddy. Chicken and dumplings yum. One of her favorites, more so the dumplings then anything else. She just loved the way you could drop in dough and come out with a dumpling that exploded with the chicken flavor. Cooked in broth from beginning to end, but the inside was never wet. Always perfectly cooked. Confusing to her how it worked but one of her favorites nonetheless.
She scooped up a bowl for herself and Teddy who was standing at her legs. Kiara sang a song to herself as she got them dinner.
“I’m lightning on my feet….and that's what they don't see…..mmmmhhhh…..that's what they don't see mmmmhhhh…….Shake it off, Shake it off.”
That's what she wanted to do shake off these dreams because night was quickly approaching.
“Come on Teddy…” Kiara says while walking to the living room, Teddy hot on her tail. She walked slowly to the couch where she melted into the cushion, patting the one next to her for Teddy to join and grabbing the remote to put on Ghost Whisperer (one of her new found favorite shows). As Teddy jumped onto the couch next to her, she set down the placemat for Teddy to share the chicken out of her bowl. Kiara turns, grabs the remote and hit play on the T.V.
“Oh boy! Melinda has a son now...This is going to be good!” Kiara squeaks to Teddy who reaches up with one paw to remind Kiara she was still there and wanted more chicken. More chicken was placed on Teddys placemat and some loving pets were given to her. Then Kiara settles in for a new episode of Ghost Whisperer to begin knowing all the while that she soon would face the darkness that brought with it the nightmares. The sweating, that soaked bed, the waking herself up in the middle of the night with screams or not being able to breath. The dreams that were so vivid that she actually woke up in physical pain.

Childhood scars
Kiara spent a good portion of her early childhood living in a double wide trailer. The front door opened to face a fireplace.The kitchen off to the right, touching the dining room. Which lead back to the bedrooms on one side. And a bathroom between the two bedrooms. On the left was a big living room that had a sliding glass door attached to one side of the room. As you exit the room and head back to the laundry room, there was another door that didn't look like it belonged but she was not allowed to even open that door. Past the laundry room was the master bedroom. To her delight her parents owned a waterbed. She enjoyed playing on it though her mother was always telling her not to or she would pop the bed. She loved that home, despite all the bad memories associated with that place. It was the most stability she had ever had in her life.
When Kiara was only 5 years old is when it began. Traded off daily, like she was some kind of playing card. Everyday until she was 9, when her drugged up parents decided to move closer to “family” which meant closer to the drugs they were into. She never felt wanted or very protected. The memories were hard to deal with. These memories that tore her apart inside everyday. She just wanted to stop hating herself. She wanted to feel pretty and worth while. These feeling that seemed to never want to leave her. She often thought of her own death. Not killing herself but what if she died. Would the world really be missing out on anything. The only one to miss me would be my dog.
She had seen many, many therapists. So many people who actually sympathized with her. The people who helped for a little while but never for very long. She tried drugs in her teenage years but found they just were not for her. Her body simply rejected most every alcoholic drink, plus she didn’t much care for how these things left her feeling the following morning. Everything she tried seemed to help temporarily, but only temporarily. She was scared to sleep, she had a hard time being awake. The depression as one her therapist diagnosed her with made it hard to even want to be out of bed. The PTSD another therapist diagnosed her with made it hard to deal with any kind of pain without shaking like she is having a seizure.
She hated the way she felt inside sometimes. There really only a few things that brought her out of her own mind and that was her pretty little Teddy Bear and loud music. She loved music, she felt the music she listened to. Music took up a bit portion of her attention.
At 2 years old she experienced open heart surgery, which she took like a champ. The doctor even came out halfway through the surgery to tell her mother that she “had a will to live” and “your child is strong”. Her neighbor in the bed next to her however, was not so lucky during her surgery. Kiara always liked Stacey and cried when her roommate never returned like Kiara was told she would. Stacey was bubbly and always smiled as best as she could especially when Kiara asked for ice cream for both of them. The nurses always loved to play with the girls in the playroom. Though they worried about Kiara after her surgery. To their surprise she healed quickly and the day after her surgery she was only taking tylenol to dull her pain, which she didn’t seem to have much of. The nurses mourned for Stacey with Kiara. She missed how happy Stacey always tried to be but somehow she knew Stacey was sicker than she herself was.
Kiara remembers some early age being at a funeral. The funeral of her great grandfather dunbar. She can see it play out like a video in her mind every single time she thinks about it. She is small maybe 6 or 7. Wearing a black dress that she doesn’t like and wants to take off the first chance she has. She can see herself walking up to the casket and peering in. Using one hand to balance herself as she stands on a big vase by the casket. When her eyes focus on the person laying in the casket or “funny bed” as she referred to it at the time. She saw her grandfather whom she loved very much and spent a lot of time with. She remembers thinking to herself….”Why is he sleeping in this funny?” then she looks again, “Why won’t he wake up?”
“Grandpa” Kiara whimpers.
“Grandpa….Wake up…” Kiara's voice is beginning to crack. She looks up at an unfamiliar woman standing next to the casket.
With tear filled eyes Kiara asks her, “Why won’t my grandpa wake up?”
The woman bends down, “Oh honey” She grabs a tissue from the box on the table. She softly wipes Kiara’s tears with the tissue and then her own tears that were running freely.
“Sweetheart” The woman now kneeling down in front of her begins. “Your grandpa isn’t going to wake up baby.” “He’s in heaven now.”
The sparkle in Kiara’s eyes start to fade. Tears run from her eyes as she starts breathing heavily.
“But when Mrs. Kitty went to heaven” Kiara sobs, “She didn’t come back.”
Kiara reaches for the casket again, “You're lying!” She screams at the woman, “I want my grandpa!” The woman puts her hand over her mouth as grandma dunbar wraps her arms around Kiara in a sorrowful embrace. Kiara didn’t even see or hear her grandma come up behind her but she was sure glad that grandma did.
After grandma had calmed Kiara and had her sitting at the table eating some fruit and half a hot dog. She heard the woman's voice. The one she had spoken to in front of the casket.
“You know he loved me.” Smirked the woman.
“How dare you come into my house during my husband's funeral and upset my grand daughter the way you did! She was hyperventilating.” Demands grandma in a tone that Kiara had never heard come out of her.
“You may have been his wife Beverly, but he loved me! And you know it!” The woman was angry. “You can’t just get rid of me. I love him too!!!
“I told you to get out of my house Sharon!” Grandma shouted. Grandma was the only thing that was louder then Sharon's sobbing pleas to stay and finish the funeral. To be able to mourn and pay her respects, but grandma said no. The woman ran out of the house heart broken, Kiara never saw Sharon again.
All this and many more memories filled that beautiful brain of hers. She could put on a smile to fool the world. Yet she could never fool her precious Teddy. Her wonderful dog was the only possible being who know how incredibly angry Kiara was inside. The fire that burned so deep inside her it was like her anger could reach out and touch another plain of reality. The sadness that overwhelmed her more then she even knew.
She told herself she was strong, she told herself she could get over anything if she had survived her childhood. She even told other people all the time when they asked her about growing up, “What dosen’t kill you makes you stronger.” as if more trying to convince herself than anyone else. She just kinda when through life trying to ignore any kind of emotion that floated to the surface. Even the happy or good ones. The only thing she did like to feel was what her and Teddy shared. A bond as close as mother and daughter. Teddy did make her experience such a force that Kiara had to be there for her girl. Teddy was what kept her going sometimes.

A strange pull
Kiara woke in the morning laying peacefully in bed, the sun shining through the window. Not a bad night, she thought to herself. She was so warm and cozy in her bed. Teddy snuggled up in the crevasse between her shoulder and her head. Her head laying lightly across Kiara’s chest. The alarm clock rings, Kiara reaches over and slaps the snooze button. She really did not want to get out of bed, but being the responsible person she was. Kiara pushed back her covers, pushed her shoulder down a bit so Teddy would slide down to her tummy area, where she could grab Teddy and carry her out of bed as well.
After their shower Teddy and Kiara got dressed, and headed out the door for work. They were greeted with a smile.
“Hey look what the cat drug in.” Jan Murphy the Owner of the Shelter joked.
Teddy ran across the room and jumped happily into Jan’s lap to greet her eagerly.
Teddy loved everyone, when Teddy growled or backed away was when Kiara got concerned. Not of Teddy but of the person she growled or backed away from. Teddy just seemed to know the right people from the wrong people.
“Ha Ha” Kiara laughed. “Good morning to you too. So where would you like me to start today?”
“Well,” Jan began. “Where are you feeling this morning my dear?”
“Uuuuu mmmmm….. How bout here in the office.” Kiara answered.
Jan miled, this gave her more time with Kiara’s Teddy whom adored her too.
“Here it is!” Jan replied.
Jan then leaned down kissed Teddy on her head and Teddy jumped down. Jan stood and joined Kiara as they together began to clean the shelter from top to bottom (A daily task they took very much pride in).
Kiara looked up to Jan. A Force to be reckoned with, she thought one day as Jan put someone in their place. Not scared to tell people how it is.
Jan was a tall woman, a skinny woman. She had short brown hair and bright green eyes. Such a bright and caring soul. Someone who took many of the unadopted animals home. Kiara looked up to Jan and not just in the literal sense. She had a way of joking with a serious face that made Kiara laugh on the inside too. Kiara loved Jan very much and had no problem admitting that to anyone. Jan was more like an aunt then a boss, so much fun to be around. She also showed Kiara a lot of respect which Kiara was not used to in her day to day life. In fact, most the time she just felt like a doormat.
Though Jan was someone in her life that made Kiara feel good about herself.
Strangely enough Kiara could almost remember her dream from last night but she didn’t remember it being scary. She remembers herself and Teddy. They were walking, or maybe jogging. They were going at a steady pace anyhow. She remembers going down the same road they always go down. She knows because she loved the house with the red roses. Those bushes were big and such a deep red that started at the base of the rose and faded into more of soft red at the top. As Teddy and her continued to walk the house remained to her left. She knows every time she looks over and is reminded that house is still next to her, she wants a enter onto the stairs that are surrounded by beautiful ivy, only spots of sun would shine through the small opening where the ivy had yet to reach. She remembered wondering “Who could possibly live in such a beautiful house?” She wanted desperately to know. Even after she had awoken. She wanted to know, she had to know. So, she resolved to find out for herself.
She began by asking everyone she knew and even some she didn’t. She went to libraries, State Archives and finally she was at the courthouse. Who was this person who lives in the rose house. Kiara was next in line, she slowly walked up to the counter and placed a paper on the counter. The woman grabbed the paper and asked her, “What do you want me to do with this?” Kiara looked down at the paper and realized she had put it on the counter upside down. She reached out and flipped the paper over. There in her handwriting was the address of the house with roses.
“There we go.” Kiara starts. “Can you give any information on this house?”
The woman stares at Kiara for a moment looking her up and down as if questioning why Kiara had inquired. She turned to her computer, the whole time keeping her eyes fixed on Kiara. Kiara could hear someone behind her mumble something like,”Come on lady!”
With that the woman turns her head and eyes to the screen. Her fingers moved quickly as she typed the address into her data system.
“Any particular reason why so interested?” The woman asked with arrogance in her voice. But Kiara was confused this woman almost seemed angry at Kiara’s curiosity.
“You know a very nice man lives there….I dated him a while.” She trailed off as she printed out the paper and began to black out most everything. Kiara was finally handed the paper and looked at pretty much the only thing visible besides the address, the name Bradley Joseph Holden. Strong name Kiara's thought to herself as she exited the courthouse.
Kiara slowly made her way to her car were Teddy waited. Looking at her paper or down at the ground where she was walking when she hears someone yelling at her. She looked up from the paper and across the street from where the voice had came.TW was trotting across the street toward her.
“Hey do you have any plans anytime soon?” Kiara regretted it as soon as she had asked.
“Actually I was just grabbing some new tabs, just give me a minuet.” With that TW began a speed walk to the entrance of the courthouse.
Kiara finished her walk to the car which was now only three cars down. Teddy was going crazy on the other side of the cracked window, yipping and carrying on. Kiara opened the door and Teddy jumped out. She jumped at Kiara’s legs. Kiara closed the door and walked to the grassy area surrounding the courthouse. Teddy bounded and ran, she played and played. Kiara sat on a bench under a huge maple tree. Finally, Teddy settled on the bench next to Kiara, half on half off Kiara’s lap. As Kiara spoke to Teddy, stroking from her head to her tail. Before she had realized it TW had slid in right next to her.
Kiara looked over at TW, “You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.”
“Why wouldn’t I? I want to get to know you better.” TW responded.
They both stood and walk to Kiara’s car. TW climbed into the passenger side as Kiara bent down and picked up Teddy before opening her door and sliding in behind the steering wheel. She closed the door and started the engine. They were off.
Kiara just drove. Teddy hanging out the driver side window. She wasn’t exactly sure where she was going but she was going. Up one street and down another. TW tried to make small talk with her, hanging onto every word she said. Though Kiara tried to keep up with the conversation she often found herself saying things like, “huh” and “what”. TW didn’t seem to mind though. He just repeated what he had said again and again. She was clearly distracted.
After driving for what seemed like forever (in reality it was more like two hours) Kiara parked on a curb close to her own home. On a street familiar to her even in her most recent dream. On a street ironically named Rose Red ln. Teddy settled back down and sat on Kiara’s lap quietly. Kiara took a gulp of air and looked over at TW who was looking back at her. Or so she thought. In fact, he was looking past her at the house with roses.
Kiara took a deep breath and opened the car door, she slid sideways and stepped out. One foot and then another, Teddy hot on her heels. She opens the front gate and stepped into the hallway of ivy leading to the front door.