New year eve's carol

It was New Year’s Eve, and the world was about to say hello to the year 2023. Everyone was out celebrating. The world had already seen the New Year begin in other countries .Now the new year was coming to London where Greenwich mean time divided the world in half, which would mean that the western hemisphere would now be in the year 2023 and the Eastern hemisphere lagging, still in 2022.

But some were out pranking. Nexis Mujumdar was in London for a specific reason. He had a plan. He was going to change the words in the fireworks that would spell “Happy New Year 2023. Instead, they were going to spell “FUCK YOU 2023”. He was 26 and had been pranking since he was 2. He was told to grow up many times by everyone- his whole extended family, society, internet trolls, and even a Ouija board. But he loved pranks. He loved it when he gave out free coca cola to people, only for them to drink it and then realised it tasted funny.

But most of all he was told to grow up by his prank victims and their related people-his prank victims, his prank victims’ psychologists, his prank victim's ex-partners etc. It was predicted he had nearly cost London the 2012 Olympics bid because he farted on the Olympic rings on YouTube.

So, he was on his way to the control tower where the people who oversaw the fireworks when suddenly he was something on the tube, he was sure didn’t exist anymore. It looked very familiar except it was a someone- someone who had died before. A long time ago apparently.

He scratched his head and blinked. This person was gone.

He had put some magic mushrooms into a pizza in a pizzeria and the customers had eaten it thinking it was normal mushrooms. That was just yesterday. He wondered if he had contaminated himself.

Undeterred he went back to planning his prank. Suddenly the figure appeared to him again. It wasn’t just any figure. It was his old pranking partner Brett Carswell. It was sitting next to him. He looked around and found the tube carriage empty. It was just the two of them.

Brett looked the same except he looked more transparent. Like he , Nexis was in fact on mushrooms.

The hallucination smiled.

“Yes Nexis, it is indeed me , your old friend Brett”.

“But you’re dead!” replied Nexis.

Brett smiled but in a way he never smiled before. He looked full of regret.

“No, Nexis, I am in fact a ghost -forever stuck here in London due to the error of my ways. I did too many pranks and now am a cursed ghost.”

Nexis looked at him sceptically

“I see why you are doubtful, but tonight you will be visited by three of my fellow ghosts. They are special ghosts not cursed like me, who use their power to help other prankstaz mend their ways”.

Nexis stifled a laugh. He forgot that it was a hallucination.

“Wait until midnight, for if you don’t mend your ways, you will join me FOREVER”

Suddenly the figure vanished. The tube door opened, and more people got in.

Nexis though about the bad mushrooms and made a reminder not to buy them off the same dealer.

It was 11:45 when the two people in the tower went out to stretch their legs. Nexis rushed in and locked the door behind him. So far, he hadn’t been spotted. Good. He went over to the controls and started working on them. It took some time to delete the message and create a new one. Soon after he heard some knocking on the door.

“Lets us in” cried the first voice

“What are you doing?” cried voice two.

This made Nexis giddy with excitement. Soon he heard the countdown. People outside were counting down and were going to get a firework surprise.

Hehehe Nexis giggled.

10….9…..8…..7…..6……5…..4…

Before he knew it time stood still.

He thought that something had broken on the machine and tried to fix it but couldn’t. He couldn’t even press anything on the machine. He thought about what had happened when suddenly he noticed another person in the same room.

He was sure it wasn’t the two people he trapped as they looked different. This figure was that of a small child. It came up to him through the air. It almost levitated. He thought it looked female but didn’t want to assume the gender.

In a dreamy voice the figure started-“I am the ghost of Pranks Past”.

Ok. I am hallucinating now thought Nexis.

“I was sent here by your friend Brett. He died a prankstaz death when the person who he gave a fake parking ticket to , didn’t see that it was funny and beat him to death”.

Wait. How does this ghost- if it is indeed a ghost know this? Brett’s family specifically didn’t want media interest in this fact.

“Take my hand and we will travel back in time to your younger years” said Pranks Past.

This was a pretty good hallucination thought Nexis. He would probably soar over London like Peter Pan.

As Nexis reached out to the ghost, he forgot he had one of the electrifying hands on him and then realised he wanted to give the ghost a shock.

The ghost however grabbed his hand and was not electrocuted.

What did happen is that the world went blurry.

When the blurs went away, the scene had shifted. Nexis found himself at a school he was expelled from. He had cherry bombed the school toilets.

Pranks Past was standing next to him.

“I am taking you to your past where you can see all the pranks that you have done” Presents Past began

“But I have a memory on the eidetic spectrum, so you are basically out of a job!” replied Nexis

“What?!” the ghost exclaimed.

“Yeah, I can tell you what I did” Nexis smiled.

He started off thinking fondly “I put locusts in the school food and then once I put sleeping meds in it too. The first incident happened on Wednesday April 26th, 2006, and then the second on Monday June 12th, 2006”

“And what were the impacts of your pranks?” asked the spirit.

“Well, the kids screamed and ran out with their lunches in the first instance and then the teachers didn’t know why so many fell asleep during lessons. It was classic” Nexis burst out laughing.

“And?” was Pranks Past’s reply

“Well, I don’t know. It was fun” Nexis replied when he calmed down laughing.

“But you were expelled from the school… It ruined your future… “ started Pranks Past.

“Oh, sure like school ever teaches anyone anything” Nexis rolled his eyes.

“The headteacher said that you will never amount to anything” the spirit added.

“But I inherited money, so I didn’t have to amount to anything...duh...” Nexis replied looking annoyed.

The ghost also looked very annoyed.

“Let me show you the full extent of your pranks” the spirit said very quietly.

The spirit grabbed Nexis’ hand and then the world changed again.

The scene was of an exam hall. Before the ghost could speak Nexis blurted out “This is where I did my GCSE’s, or rather where I messed up other people’s GCSE’s!”.

Nexis grinned “It was classic”.

The kids were coming in one by one to take their seats in the exam hall. However, they were in for surprise. Suddenly Nexis saw himself coming into the exam hall suppressing a smile.

The older Nexis wanted to shout out but Pranks Past interrupted “These are simply your memories; you can’t interact with them”.

The older Nexis considered that for a bit then realised that he had a golden chance.

“FUCK YOU SCHOOL” he began as the ghost’s jaw dropped.

“FUCK YOU TEACHERS, YOU DONKEY RAPING SHIT EATERS”.

“YOU ARE ALL BASTARDLISED SONS OF BITCHES”.

Pranks Past was not amused.

“Erm, shouldn’t you concentrate on what I’m showing you” the ghost started.

“YOUR MUMS,” said Nexis.

The exam had already started and soon the children were concentrating on their questions. But then the whole exam hall was full of farting noises. And it appeared as if every student was doing them.

The teacher who was invigilating got up and shouted, “What’s going on?”.

The children all cast their eyes on the younger Nexis.

He burst out laughing.

Every student had their seats bugged with farting devices.

“The best is yet to come,” shouted the older Nexis.

Suddenly there was a bad smell in the air and the exam hall became full of farting smells.

The teacher turned red in the face and went ballistic.

Just when the students didn’t think it could get any worse- there was a buzzing sound. Bees flew in through the opened window like thing on the top of the room.

“Oh yeah I remembered how some of the students were scared of bees,” laughed the older Nexis.

The ghost simply stared at him.

There was chaos in the examination room. Instead of sitting their exams, the students would have to reschedule. All their hard work was going to go in the bin.

“Go to the head teacher’s office Nexis Mujumdar” shouted the teacher at the younger Nexis who had already planned to run away.

Pranks Past asked the older Nexis “Surely you regret this?”.

The older Nexis began- “Well…”

“Go On” stalled the ghost.

He looked around and started “I was going to say yes, I regret it, but now looking at the teacher’s face I can tell that he was allergic to bees. So, no I don’t. It was an even better prank than I thought!”

The ghost wailed. “Well, you were a child when you did this, now you are an adult, so maybe now you will think of the consequences of your actions. It’s time for my colleague Pranks Present to meet you!”

Suddenly another spectre appeared. This one looked like Jelly with a baseball hat on. The Jelly was the size of a human but with arms and legs. An anthropomorphic jelly. The ghost rumbled as it spoke. “I am the ghost of Pranks Present. Lets see the impact of your pranks on people today”. The ghost touched Nexis and soon the world changed again.

Nexis found himself sitting at a computer. It wasn’t his computer though. He had no idea whose it was.

Pranks Present began “This is the computer of Alice, known to you as lonelychick1969”

“Oh her”, is she here right now?” asked Nexis.

“No but here you will face the consequences of your actions” the ghost said.

Nexis yawned “She was a Swababy who I catfished”.

“What is a Swababy?” asked Pranks Present

“Straight white able bodied annoying bitch” replied Nexis.

The ghost stood there confused.

“I’m punching up bitch” Nexis replied again.

The ghost sighed. “What did you do here that was so bad again Nexis? That you are still doing?”

Nexis started “She is in a bad marriage where she wanted to cheat. So, she went onto Ashely maddison.com and created a profile. I created a fake one, pretending to be a 55-year-old man in a bad marriage and we are currently having a catfish affair. However, she doesn’t know that, and she sent me £5,000 the other day”

The ghost was irritated “But what are the consequences of that?”

“I get 5k richer, I guess,” said Nexis.

Suddenly Alice barged into the room. Next to her was a man who Nexis was assumed was her husband.

“They can’t hear or see me, right?” asked Nexis

Pranks Present said – “No, they can’t”.

“I’m sorry Darren,” said Alice.

“What do you mean you are sorry? You are having an affair, aren’t you?” blasted Darren.

“Well maybe if you didn’t work so poorly on our marriage , maybe I wouldn’t be,” shouted Alice.

“My new years resolution is to divorce you! Blasted Darren back.

Nexis laughed and laughed and laughed.

The ghost simply got more irritated and the started “Do you know who will be hurt- their little kids?”

Suddenly Nexis looked hurt. A thought burst through his head.

“Did I hurt any animals or plants or antiques?” he cried

Pranks Present replied – “No, just humans”

Nexis sighed. “I couldn’t care less then “ he replied.

The ghost looked like he wanted to burst into jelly volcanoes. He grabbed Nexis’ hand again. Now they were standing in front of a pizzeria.

The ghost counted to ten and began “This is the consequences of you magic mushrooms prank”

Nexis saw a closed sign on his pizzeria and a lawsuit displayed on a TV in a nearby shop. He saw workers complaining about being deported and homeless as they walked out of the pizzeria.

Nexis smirked.

“DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT ANY OF THESE PEOPLE?” shouted the ghost.

Nexis began “ Do you really want to know what I think?”

Nexis turned around and farted. Loudly.

The ghost threw his hands in exasperation.

“That’s it! I quit” shouted Pranks Present. Suddenly the next ghost appeared. It was a skeleton.

The ghost spoke in a bony voice “I am Pranks future, the final ghost” .It grabbed Nexis’s hand without warning.

When the world changed . He realised that this was still London but looked new. There were more tube lines and London seemed to have had an extension to Heathrow airport.

“Where am I?” Nexis asked.

The ghost spoke as if there were bones being scrapped together “This is the future of London, but it is also your future if you don’t mend your ways”.

Nexis saw an apparition that looked like him.

“Is that ghostly me in the future?” he asked pointing at the apparition.

“Yes, Nexis , that is you” said Pranks Future.

“You will become a ghost in the afterlife if you don’t mend your ways today and learn” Pranks Future added

“Ermm.. what kind of ghost?” inquired Nexis.

“You will not be seen by most of the living, but more can hear or smell you. You will be forgotten, and not remembered as a pranksta” chuckled Pranks Future.

Nexis thought he had won the lottery. He could scare people in many areas of London, and they won’t ever know it was him. And if they did, no one would ever believe them!

“SWEET” shouted Nexis.

The ghost very loudly sighed. “Well time’s up. I gotta meet other prankstaz”.

Suddenly time stood still again.

Nexis found himself back in the control room.

He had had the weirdest hallucination he thought. He thought it was meant to teach him something. He knew what to do. He changed the message that he was meant to go out.

Even more suddenly time came back.

3…2…1…

The new year had begun.

The staff found themselves back in the control room but there was no one else there.

They breathed a sigh of relief as Happy new year 2023 come up in the fireworks.

Followed by images of offensive jokes from Sickipedia.

THE END.