My Hidden Paradise

The smell of salt and rain caressed my senses, the water warm to the touch as I dragged my fingers through the cerulean water that dreams and nightmares were made of, that hid deadly and beautiful things beneath its waves. The coarse sand rubbed against the delicate soles of my feet as I dragged them along the shallow shore of the ocean. The water-kissed breeze blew across my skin, sending goosebumps along every exposed inch of my body that wasn’t submerged in the warm water.

Today I came here to think, to contemplate the next chapter of my life, away from the bustling city life and the loud sounds that came with it. Sitting on my window seat, gazing out over the night drenched lights of the city would be peaceful enough for some people, but me? I needed the calm and the rage the sea held. I needed the silence of the technological era, and the sound of waves smashing against the beach and seagulls cawing overhead as they flapped and swooped over the water.

Out here, my mind could connect those dots that seemed so scattered. I had a choice I needed to make, one that would determine the course of my life after I made it. If that thought alone wasn’t terrifying, I had to do it now or I’d be trapped for years in a life I might hate. I should feel lucky to have the ability to make the choice I need to make because not everyone is as lucky as I am, but still, the very thought of making this choice turned my stomach.

In the city, walking from my small apartment to my life-draining job, I felt the stress of choosing begin to eat me alive. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But out here on the beach, out in the ocean – I could take in deep breaths and calm the storm raging in my mind. The soft caress of the waves, the gentle loving graze of the breeze, the soothing sounds of nature… It made me feel more at home than any home I’d known before.

I took in another refreshing breath of the salt-tinged air before I dove beneath the gentle waves that danced along the shore. The warm water of the ocean wrapped around me like a blanket made to calm even the most enraged soul. Through my small goggles, I peered into the endless ocean, chest tightening at the sight of the drop-off not far from where I was. This part of the beach was rarely visited by tourists or even residents of the overpopulated city.

That made this a haven for the ocean wildlife that preferred the shallow water as I did. I grew up on this beach. I grew up knowing the animals that preferred this water. People I had brought had been terrified, not daring to edge their way even close to the creatures I dared venture near, even when it was a creature as gentle as the sea turtles that visited yearly.

But when I was this confused and needed comforting, there was only one animal I could look to under these gentle waves that never failed to scare away everyone who came near the water's edge. I searched the open waters for the sight of the pale grey skin and identifiable trait of its black-tipped tail and dorsal fin.

As if the loving creature knew I was searching for her, I felt sandpaper-like skin brush my leg. Though I was looking for her, the initial feeling of her brushing against me startled my already fried nerves. Even when I jumped, the beautiful shark that I’d found here when she was a baby five years earlier, knew she’d only startled me and didn’t so much as flinch as she swam forward a few feet before slowly turning and moving gracefully towards my outstretched hand.

I grazed my hand along her snout and down her back, gently running my fingers up her dorsal fin and then down her back to her tail as she swam on, repeating her normal routine of swimming out a few feet before turning around and coming back for more gentle caresses. Most people feared sharks because of the reputation they got from the film industry. But this shark had taught me long ago not to fear them, but rather, to appreciate them.

I’m not sure why something as simple as caressing the rough skin of a shark I had befriended helped to clear my mind, but with every graze of my hand along her nose, fin, and back, the decision I needed to make became clearer. The dots seemed to organize themselves without much effort from me.

I suppose she felt my need for comfort slowly dissolve, because as the fog in my mind evaporated and the dots arranged fully, she swam on, those catlike eyes searching the open waters for her midday snack. The fish that saw her coming would quickly scatter, knowing what she was searching for and wishing to not get caught.

I wished I could express my gratitude to her. So many times over the course of the five years since I’d found her as a pup swimming close to the ocean floor she had helped me to calm my mind that seemed to be a never-ending mess of meaningless chaos. I felt like she knew in some way what she did for me those many times, and even now.

Watching as she found her prey, I grinned slightly at the sloppy way she ate the small fish before I turned and slipped my way from the water and onto the shore, shivering at the loss of the warm water and the salty breeze that blew against my wet skin. I could go home now, knowing what I needed to do, what my choice would be… but… I pulled my blue towel from my bag that sat on the shoreline, quickly drying my damp skin and hair before fanning it out over the hot sand and sitting in the middle.

I pulled my legs to my chest as I looked out over the gentle yet chaotic waters that held an entire universe. I took in a deep breath, smiling to myself as the sound of crashing waves and cawing seagulls filled my ears and the smell of salt and rain caressed my senses. I closed my eyes, allowing the sounds and scents to wrap around me. Sitting here, I was glad that no matter what consequences my choice had, I would always have this place. My hidden paradise.