My Families Curse

Chapter 3: Forgive Them Not

So, the day that "Lillith" took my mother's first child she was still on the floor as her father was calling the police and filling them in on what had happened, she said, " I don't know baby girl, (that will be my name throughout this here story), I was there but I wasn't, she told me, " you know I could hear my dad talking to the cops, and my mom crying and sobbing holding my son and trying to talk to me, but I couldn't say anything, nothing at all, my whole body was completely numb and everything was in slow motion until my dad snapped me back into reality by sternly saying to me in my face, "now Red you look here I know that this was your firstborn, your son, your baby, but now is not the time to be zoning out and leaving us you here? You have to talk to this gentleman when they get here so straighten up and tell them the truth do you hear me?" She cried and said to him, " ok daddy, where's my husband? Where's dick head?" He said, "he's on his way baby and you are going to have to explain it to him." She said as she looked up with tears in her eyes and she said, "I remember my dad telling me that my face went from sadness and heartache to anger and he saw murder in her eyes as she thought about dick head and how he left her there all alone with their sick baby, and she stood up and said ok daddy I think that's him about to come around that corner." Much to their disbelieve he, sure enough, did come flying around that curb right behind the two police cars that were on their way to her. She said to me, as soon as he got out of the truck I ran up to that sorry son of a bitch and screamed at him, how dare he leaves us and I could smell the scent of alcohol and sex on him, and I just hit him and kept hitting him over and over as I called him a murdering sack of shit, a sorry waste of space and ait. I wasn't going to stop because I hated him, at that moment I blamed everybody but who needed to be blamed. One of the cops ran at me tackled me off of him and took me back in the house to calm me down so that he could talk to me while the other talked to dick head. I remember the cop asking my dad had shown any signs of PPD or wanted to harm my baby in any way? I looked at him and he had his back to me as I was looking at the back of his neck he turned around quick as shit and said to me "What was that ma'am? What did you just say you hoped what?" She said, "You heard me you piece of shit, and that's something you are ever going to regret saying about me, I would never harm my son, are you fucking kidding me? Why don't you ask God who took my child and that demon he created? Why don't you do your fucking job?" Here she is saying all these things and nobody realized that she never spoke any of those words out loud, but yet he heard them. Even though she was inside with the doors and windows shut she could also hear the cop ask dick head, "Where were you at sir?" Dick's head replied with tears running down his cheeks, "Her and I had gotten into an argument the night before, and the baby was crying nonstop and I couldn't handle it, I just couldn't so I stormed out of the house around 6 that evening and went to my friend's house, we went out to a couple of bars then went to the house and went to bed. I never received a call from Red, or her parents until this happened." The officer looked at him with disgust and said as he was walking towards him, "So you left your wife here with PPD and no rest and took off to get drunk and fornicate with whoever you were with? Now don't lie to me because I can smell the sex and alcohol sweating out your pores as we speak, sir. So, let's try this again, where were you and what were you doing? Who were you really with and what were you doing exactly? Before you even answer that let me ask you something sir, do you think that in any way your wife would have hurt your son? You know with that PPD and him crying constant, she may have done something she doesn't quite remember?" He looked the man dead in his face with conviction he said, "Don't you ever try to accuse my wife of doing any such nonsense to that baby, she loves that baby. She was the one who got up and comforted him and stayed with him through the night. She would never ever think about doing any such thing like that." The cop looked at him and nodded an ok and said, "Now answer the other questions I have to get with my partner and the coroner and see just what happened to him and I want the damn truth the same way you just did when I asked you about her." So, he did and that's when she overheard him telling the man he was with a woman he had been seeing since she was helping Red with the baby sometimes and that's where he was all night until he received that call. Oh, she was pissed. She waited until the police left then she, without saying a word with anger, hurt, and the look of betrayal in her eyes, threw all of his shit in the yard and told him to get the hell out of her parents home, her life, and she even went as far as telling him he was part of the reason she doesn't have her son and he was not to come to his funeral, and that she would handle everything and she never wanted to see his ass again. He cried like a baby and grabbed his stuff and went and stayed somewhere she don't know where and she didn't care she had a funeral to plan and a demon to send back to hell.

Chapter 4: Never Forgotten

So, after my brother's funeral, my mother's firstborn, she went through several different personality changes, and in reality, she was losing her mind and she knew it. She could not fathom the one great thing that God could give her, he would actually let that thing take it from her. So, my grandmother came to visit Red, at her new home where, yes, she was back with that dick head, she knew it was going to be that way because she couldn't find any comfortable place that even remotely felt like home or normal. So, she come to visit Red because she was again not answering her calls and my grandmother being who she is, wasn't having a damn bit of that. She didn't even knock because as she walked up the steps she noticed the screen door, as well as the main door, was already ajar. So, she slowly inched her way up to the screen door, grabbed the knob, and opened the door as she hollered for Red, she walked into the doorway only a bit, and as she did Red was coming out of the kitchen talking to herself in some kind of strange mumbo jumbo that my grandma had said she really didn't understand, and I quote, "to be honest I don't know what the hell she was saying under her breath talking to herself and walking right passed me as if she did not hear me calling for her or talking to her as she passed." So, she followed Red to her room and as she entered the room she noticed that Red had liquor bottles all over her bedroom floor, cigarette burns in her blankets, and the gown that she still had on, and two in the afternoon had holes in them too. She walked past her again and as she did she grabbed Red's arm and before she could get a word out to ask her if she heard her calling for her, Red whipped around. eyes bloodshot and said, "get your hands off of me. don't you see I have to find a way to break this, I have to find a way to end this misery and you, you wouldn't help me "MOTHER", why?? Why wouldn't you save my baby?? Why?? Now I am pregnant with a second child, and I don't know if I even want it. Her mom looked her dead in the face as she grabbed both arms as tight as she could and she said, "now you listen here, you listen to your mother and you hear me good, I would have saved the boy from SIDS if I could, but there was no helping him he had already been dead for several hours Red. What was it you wanted me to do?? Huh?? You have all the damn answers, you are not and I mean you will not blame me, God, your father, or that sorry sack of shit you call a husband. You are going to get it together or I am going to put your ass in a nuthouse do you understand me Red??" She screamed at the top of her lungs and told her mother, " nothing will bring back my baby and I hate you all for this, all of you. you had better take me to the nuthouse or I am going to snap, I am going to slit my wrist, overdose, or blow my fucking head off, but one of you will take me now!!" My grandma was so scared and her seeing this as a cry for help called the men in the white coats and they wheeled her away. She stayed in that place for 6 months until she was about 4 mths ready to have her new baby. While she was in there she found out that what she was carrying was another boy, and she was scared to death, because she didn't know what to expect from him, was he going to be like her first and pass due to an illness that the doctors still do not know what causes it or how to cure it.?? But as she will state, "he was born so strong and mighty, I just knew that he would not leave me nor would he get sick. I took every precaution when I brought him home to ensure this." She was right he grew up to be a very hardheaded ass boy, we will call him Ray. Ray was growing rapidly fast and after a while, Red grew content, she would visit the grave of her firstborn and cry and still feel a deep longing and an emptiness that none of us children could ever fill for her. So, a year and a few months went by and Red was working at the very place she was put when she had her nervous breakdown, but what better person to help than someone who has had experience in the same thing?? Right??

Chapter 5: Becoming whole Again

So, Red was working at her favorite nut house, when she started to feel that familiar pain in her gut, right then she knew, she knew she was pregnant. this time she would get the surprise of her life, it was a girl. Not only was she excited to let her mother know she was going to have a girl, but she was also excited to tell her dad. They were not pleased with her having yet another child with the same dick head but none the less they celebrated with Red. Red would go on to find out that the same babysitter that was, at the beginning of this story, you know the one that would help her with her firstborn from time to time was still meeting up with her husband behind her back, and she already knew so it was no surprise to her, in the long run, she met the one with whom she thought was the one, the man of her dreams, her knight in shining armor, my dad, we will call him George. So, George and Red got along great, they went on dates, and Red was not really used to all that pampering, she was used to hanging off scaffolds and painting sides of buildings for a living and working like a man. Not with this guy no way she was a lady and she would be treated as such. But just like with all ferry tales, they must come to an end, and when they do you come out knowing more and stronger than you was when you went into it. So, before George could lie with Red she was raped one night while leaving work and wound up pregnant with her fourth child, we will call him Wesley. So, in the end, both Red and George found out who it was and we will just say it wasn't pleasant for him at all, the less you all know the better, believe me. So, then finally after a year of waiting and making her feel like she deserved to feel he gave her two more children, me, yours truly, and her baby boy my baby brother we will call him Embrey. When I was born it was very different than when any of my other siblings were born, my grandmother and grandfather came to the hospital, then they went home and planned for the first time a baby shower, I was the only child my mother had that my grandparents threw a baby shower for. My grandpa walked into the delivery room gave red a kiss on her forehead came to the side of my bassinet and looked at me contently and turned to Red and said, "she's will be the one, she is the one." Then he walked out of the room. Grandma and Red sat excitedly together as they chuckled and giggled happily about what they were going to do when they returned home for her new baby girl. So, my mom had her last son and as she brought him home she realized a very familiar thing about her new boy, he was just like the first. She was instantly scared, as she got to her home with him she immediately started to cry as she told her mom "he is just like him momma he is just like him." So, from that point on grandma watched over Embrey as he slept, and made sure that this baby would not turn out to be like the first. Now that Embrey was a little over a year old and progressing great she could finally feel whole again. I guess at the end of this chapter will be almost just the fairy tale ending Red needed, but it will not be. I guess all families have their ups and downs, taboos, disagreements, but this is no ordinary story and this is no ordinary family.