Lucky

I was burned, my heart turned to a pile of ash. I thought of myself as a walking corpse. There was no other way to describe what I was feeling. As I sat under a willow tree behind an abandoned barn crying my heart out, I was startled by a sound that echoed my broken soul, a muffled screech, rather eerie and sad. I looked around and for the first time it downed on me that I was alone in the middle of nowhere and sunset was fast approaching. The eerie screeching continued and I began to follow the sound.

200 meters from the willow tree I was sitting under was a barn and it appeared that the sound was coming from there. I walked towards it with little concern for my safety, the scream was getting louder and louder as I pushed open the barn door, I did not see a single soul but I wasn’t expecting to see any, the sound could not have come from a human. I scanned the dark interior of the rundown barn until my eyes adjusted to the light change.

In the far corner of the barn was an owl, its wing caught under a fallen beam and it was screaming for help. I rushed over and lifted the beam off it, the owl tried with desperation to fly away but only managed to flap its wings helplessly. I gently lifted it up and after trying to struggle free it gave in reluctantly. I walked back to my car carrying the injured owl gently in my arms.

After wrapping her (I decided it was a female) in a blanket from my booth I began the long drive back to the city. I didn’t realize how far I drove and I only pulled over due to my tears blinding me.

7 hours ago I was a completely different person. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, I worked hard in my career over the years, I found the love of my life, I had a best friend I would die for. I was everything I wanted to be, finally after years of hardship. Until I walked in on my best friend and the man, I was going to marry 5 days from now, locked in an intimate embrace. The earth shifted under my feet and it felt like I was falling, I wouldn’t breathe, I fell on my butt and crawled backwards out of my apartment. My apartment!!! they dared do that in my apartment, the space I worked so hard to make mine, where we were meant to spend the beginning of our lives together. I ran down the stairs into my car and began to drive without a destination. When the shock wore out and it was replaced with anger, I group called the two and screamed, swore and cursed at them until my voice was sore. I hanged up without giving them a chance to speak. I kept driving, sometimes my mind was numb and other times it was aflame with rage, disgust, self-hate and regret.

I looked up a vet that’s open late and drove straight there finding ourselves in front of a well-lit veterinary. I walked in carrying Lucky (we bonded on the drive and decided to name her) a nurse with a friendly face stood up from behind her desk and rushed over to me “is that an owl”? she asked “yes her wings were crushed under a fallen beam” the nurse directed me towards a room with a bed. I laid lucky down while the nurse began to prepare the equipment for the Vet. She asked me a few questions about lucky until the Vet, a tall man in his early 30’s with broad shoulders and kind eyes, walked in. He looked surprised to see me and after a short greeting he quickly began to examine Lucky.

The nurse, Stacy, walked me over to the counter to complete some paper work and after an hour the Vet came out to speak with me. “He will be ok, he has a broken wing, he is starving so he needs to be fed slowly” I figured as much “he? Are you sure it’s not a female?” he laughed “I’m sure, he is definitely male” I reluctantly accepted that, but Lucky was an unisex name so I would keep calling him that. “Thank you” I said “make sure you bring him back once a week to check on his progress” I thanked them again and walked out. I stood in-front of the car struggling to get the door open when a hand reached out to open the door for me, I looked up and found myself locking eyes with the vet. “Quick question, do you know what to feed an owl” I must have looked shocked because he laughed and handed me a paper. “I wrote down everything you are going to need to keep him alive until you can return him to the wild” I glanced at the step by step instructions on the paper “are you sure you want to look after him? You can just hand him over to animal rescue” he looked worried, not sure if it was for me or the owl “I will hand him over if it gets too difficult” I responded.

Things got difficult but not because of Lucky, my ex-fiancé Ryan would not take no for an answer coming over everyday to “explain” to try and convince me what I saw wasn’t real, that Clair was the one that come onto him and he didn’t do anything. After the first time I didn’t let him in again. We were together for 2 years, we met while I was mountain climbing and I slipped and fell down an embarkment, I hit my head and was unconscious. He rushed me to the emergency and looked after me without even knowing my name. I tracked him down to thank him and he asked me out, the rest as they say was history. We had something beautiful, or so I thought.

I cried every night and perhaps Lucky was crying in solidarity with my own tears, whenever I whimpered, he responded with his own cry. I found it strangely comforting to have him there. I could not imagine staying in this apartment alone anymore. Lucky would jump on my bed from his birch next to my bed and rub his head on my face, whenever I spaced out thinking he would screech to get my attention and demand to be lifted up onto my arm. It’s as if the Owl tasked himself the duty of being my therapist. For days I spent my time watching videos about owls and taking care of Lucky.

I hated going out these days so getting Lucky fresh poultry to eat was getting difficult, not to mention my neighbors not taking kindly to Lucky’s screeches and after watching enough videos telling me how easy it was to let an Owl die, I was becoming paranoid about killing Lucky accidently. I decided I needed help taking care of him. I called my father and asked if I would stay with him until Lucky got better. My father’s house had an acre of farm land so the noise shouldn’t be an issue neither would feeding him.

My relationship with my father has always been strained, my mother was our communication bridge, so it was not surprising after she passed away, when I was 15, we barely talked. We developed a form of patient doctor relationship, as long as we made sure the other was alive and healthy, we kept our distance from each other. So, when I moved back, he asked no questions I volunteered no information. Lucky stopped screeching and I stopped crying, Lucky became my unlikely friend, I spoke to him about everything, my sadness, my failed relationships, the betrayal I felt, he would bob his heart shaped head at times in understanding, when he tilted his head to the side, I took it to mean I should explain further. If only I had Lucky growing up my father wouldn’t have needed to spend so much money sending me to see a psychologist.

It was time for the Vet visit, this time we were met at the door by the Vet instead of the nurse, he looked excited to see us, I assumed he didn’t expect me to keep the owl alive. “Okay, let’s see how he’s progressing” he spoke excitedly clapping his hands together even though he was young he had the mannerism of an old man. As soon as he began his examination his face turned serious and focused. He held Lucky’s legs so as not to get scratched, covered his head with a cloth and began to spread his wings out slowly, after the examination he concluded that Lucky was progressing pretty well and was happy with my care taking abilities.

“I would love to give you my personal number, call me anytime if you have questions or need help looking after the Owl” I was surprised by his offer “that’s very kind of you…but..” I let my words trail off waiting for him to explain his intentions, instead he laughed “It’s good to be wary but I’m sure you realized that taking care of an Owl isn’t an easy thing to do, you are going to need some help, either take my personal number or call the office, I will leave the choice with you” He said it with a casual tone putting me at ease. I took his number and thanked him again for his kindness.

Over the next two weeks I must have called him a dozen time, I was sure by now he regretted giving me his number, however he didn’t sound regretful or bothered, he answered my questions with enthusiasm and even made home visits. I was still heart broken and distrustful but Lucky made it easy for me to find an unlikely friend in the Vet whose name was Steve.

Steve’s first visit to the house he bought me heavy duty gloves so I can let Lucky rest on my arm, so far, I was getting by using a towel or an old heavy winter jacket wrapped around my arm. He also gave me books on barn owls to read. He made sure Lucky was healing well, had a chat about aerospace with my father and left.

Since there was so much to learn about taking care of a barn owl Steve decided to help me, so he came by often. Another person who came by often, the first few days was my ex, asking for forgiveness. Each time he came past I threw water in his face and let my anger out on him. I should at least thank him for giving me the opportunity to vent. The only person who didn’t let me vent was Clair, my so-called best friend. Steve came by one day as I was venting to my ex. He politely stayed in the car and pretended not to see or hear anything.

That night as Steve finished teaching me how to check if Lucky has eaten enough, he said “you really don’t remember me do you?” I looked at him confused “that’s random, did we know each other from childhood or something” he let out a deep sigh “well I knew you, from college, you used to date a guy I knew, Matt” “what?” I exclaimed “We went to college together?” I was surprised I didn’t recognize him, now it makes sense why he was being so nice. “do you remember the night you and Matt broke up?” that was another random question “yeah I do, he accused me of cheating” “do you remember who he accused you of cheating with?” this was getting a bit odd “no I don’t, it was someone I didn’t know” He looked at me with a serious expression “it was me, your friend Clair told him she saw us together” the shock on my face must have been overwhelming because he got up from the bench and said “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have told you, I just wanted to point out Clair was never a friend, so it’s a good thing it ended this way” I was too bewildered to speak. All of a sudden, a lot of things started to make sense, all my strange breakup, the fact that I never could keep girlfriends ever since I met Clair because there was always some kind of drama with everyone I got close to. Like the girl I met in college and we became really close but she ended up accusing me of spreading lies about her. I had another moment of reality shift, my memories of a beautiful friendship became fragmented and my perception changed, all the negativity I have ignored and hidden away, came rushing back. The toxic behavior I assumed was just part of any relationship became apparent. I was fooled, Clair has been acting as my friend for 10 years while sabotaging my happiness and pretending to be the good friend who pieced me back together again, I left Steve on the patio without another word because I wouldn’t speak, he left shorty after.

The next day Steve came by with some sweets and asked if I was ok, he apologized for telling me about Clair “no don’t apologies, I needed to hear it, otherwise it would have been easy for her to sneak back into my life after a while claiming innocence, she was the only friend I had” last night I went through a roller coaster of emotions and I felt tired and numb, but strangely thankful as if the air I was breathing became cleaner, I felt lighter and my heart ached less.

Steve somehow became a regular at my father’s house, bonding with Lucky and my father, which I found to be very strange, even my ex-fiancé couldn’t talk to my dad comfortably. After a month, I officially quit my job and put my apartment up for sale.

Steve and I spent a lot of time together, my ex gave up and I don’t think Clair will come around me ever again after I sent her a text saying everything that needed to be said. I was less cautious around Steve now that I knew he’s reasons for being so kind to me. Apparently, he had a crush on me since college but was too shy to introduce himself.

Lucky was still my therapist and Steve became a close friend, at this stage I sensed he was giving me time to accept him as more than a friend, I wasn’t ready but it might eventually happen, just like Lucky he made it extremely easy to like him.