Loving You Loudly

emerson

I look into the mirror, letting out a sigh when I see the big purple bruise on my right cheek. I cake on makeup to try and cover it, and luckily it works.

Maybe not so much luck, more of practice, but it was covered and that's all that matters.

"Are you ready?" Adrian asks, resting his hands on my shoulders. They're large and calloused to a rough texture. His touch is not what I want to feel right now.

I turn and look at the bruises on my arm. "Not yet; I have to figure out what to do with these," I sign, running the plastic end of my concealer brush along the small trail of bruises once my sentence is complete.

Adrian lets out a small sigh before kissing my forehead. "You know I'm sorry Emme. You don't need to bring it up at every moment."

"I know; I'm sorry." He nods, which I think means that he accepts my apology. He gives me a small smile complimented with a soft kiss on my lips and another on my bare shoulder.

I put on the specially made Dodgers jersey we'd be given. Each of us has our husband or boyfriend's last name on their jersey. They were cute too. The logo, number, and last names were all lined with crystals to make them sparkle.

"Come here baby," Adrian says, and I read his lips.

He has my necklace in his hand. He spins me around and helps me put it on, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and kissing my cheek once he does so. It's the precious moments like these that I remember why I'm still head over heels for this boy.

For my final touch, I put on my hearing aid. It doesn't help me all that much, and the ambient noises it picks up confuses me, but because my left ear still has the smallest bit of capability to hear, Adrian says it makes sense to wear it in public. He also says it gives people the hint that I'm deaf so they don't think that I'm just being rude.

The logic behind it doesn't make sense to me, but I would never admit that. What he says goes.

Adrian takes my hand in his and we head out to the car. We step into his matte black G Wagon and I sigh. I hate driving places with him. He likes to play his music super loud and while I can't hear it, I can feel the bass through the seats and I hate it. It makes my back tickle and not in a fun way.

The drive to the stadium is mum like always. Adrian and I can't speak while we're in the car because he can't sign while driving, and he has to keep his eyes on the road which means he can't look at me long enough for me to be able to read his lips.

When we finally get there, we pull into the parking garage specifically meant for players, staff, and special guests.

We meet up with the rest of the team and their significant others. I love the other girls, and I especially love their kids. I've always wanted kids, but Adrian doesn't want any. Even getting Max, our dog, was a big step for him.

Now he's absolutely in love with our little fur baby. I tried telling him that in the future, the love he grew for Max would be the same love he'd learn to have for a kid, but he's still not a fan of the idea.

But I understand. Growing up, my mom always told me how relationships were based around compromising. I guess kids would just have to be one of those compromises.

The boys are all taken to tour the stadium while the girls are taken to a room that views the field. After we throw out our pitches, we'd all come back up here to watch the game.

Nicole, Dustin Brown's wife, comes and takes the seat next to me.

"Are you excited?" I read her lips.

When I talk to people who don't know how to sign, I speak to them with my voice, but I still tend to sign at the same time. Adrian does the same thing when he's around me; it's habitual at this point.

"Kind of nervous," I admit. "I haven't thrown a ball of any sort since college."

"I have not picked up a ball since my dad made me try T-Ball when I was four. I can promise you that your throw will be better than mine."

I laugh. Nicole's one of my favorites. When I first started dating Adrian, she was the first to take the time to ask me how she and the other girls could be more accommodating. The Kings host a night celebrating deaf and hard-of-hearing kids, and she was the one behind it all.

"I'm going to go explore the stadium," I tell Nicole. "Do you want to come with me?"

She laughs at my random urge to survey our surroundings and shakes her head, "No it's alright; have fun. I'm waiting for the nanny to come back with the kids. If the boys come back before you do I'll let Adrian know where you went."

I thank her before I excuse myself and leave the room. Straight out the door is a maze of hallways, and I follow them straight down.

I haven't seen a single other person which confuses me. Before we were brought to the suite, there were staff and players everywhere.

I read the signs on each of the doors as I pass them.

"Weight room"

"Kitchen"

"Cupping/ Massages"

Damn this place has everything.

The hallways are all decorated differently. Some have old pictures of former players, some have big murals; one even has lights that glow when you pass each sensor.

I walk past an open room and decide to step inside. There are two huge batting cages waiting for me once I walk in.

I run my fingers along the net, thinking back to my glory days. Before the accident, I spent hours every day in the cage. It was a haven for me.

I snap out of my gaze when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I jump at the touch - being deaf results in a lot of jump scares.

When I turn my jaw drops, and I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Austin Barnes. My first love. My first heartbreak.

"Emerson? I didn't think that was you. I tried calling your name but you didn't respond," he says before looking down. With his mouth facing toward the ground, I can tell he was still talking, but I have no way of making out what he was saying.

He doesn't know that I lost my hearing; I didn't tell him that night because I didn't want to worry him.

I gently pull at his arm so that he'll look back up at me.

I brush my hair to the side and point to the hearing aid in my left ear. "You have to look at me when you speak now, Austin. I'm deaf, and I can't read your lips if you're looking at the ground."

His clear blue eyes get big and his lips part. He didn't know how to respond, so I wear a small smile, just to reassure him that everything is okay.

"Was it the accident?" He asks after a few moments of hesitation. I could sense his tension, but I understand. He was so accustomed to the other version of me. This is new for him.

I nod and Austin looks down. He shakes his head and this time gets the memo to lift his head back up before he speaks again.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" He asks. The small and quick movements of his lips hint that his voice is hushed, and I take notice that his body's stiff.

I hurt him, I can tell, but I was already in pain when I lost my hearing and my mom. Bringing him back into my life would have made it ten times worse.

"I didn't want to worry you," I admit and place a comforting hand on his forearm. It's a lot for him to take in, and I understand that.

"Of course, I would have been worried, and rightfully so! Emerson, I loved you so much more than you'd ever know, and I would have dropped everything to be there with you." He spoke slow, luckily, but not because he magically knew I have trouble reading the lips of people who are talking fast, but because he remembers.

Even with my hearing, fast and loud speaking always stressed me out and I could tell that Austin still knew that; something Adrian still hasn't caught on to. It must be habitual with Austin.

"Everything was going so well with baseball," I say in defense of my choice to not tell him. "I didn't want to be the reason you stepped away."

I know that he would have. He would have left everything behind to be there with me and to help me.

"To hell with baseball, Emerson! You stood so much higher than baseball on my list of priorities. I'm hurt that you didn't at least call. I would have done my best to be there for you."

His sad eyes delay me in cultivating a response, but to my relief, the door in front of me opens.

Then I see Adrian walk through and I wish I could have been forced to say something back to Austin instead.

The blond hot head walks closer, and I can see the anger in his eyes. He hates when I'm around other men.

"Emme, what the hell are you doing in here? The other girls are all in the room like you should be!" Adrian yells, his anger accompanied by quick and aggressive signing.

I rub my fist in a clockwise motion against my chest, indicating that I was sorry. I don't want conflict between him and Austin so I apologize quickly in hopes that Adrian would make us leave before even taking a second glance at Austin.

My luck is no good though, and Adrian gets defensive with Austin as well.

"Why the fuck are you in this room with her alone?" I read my boyfriend's lips.

I turn so I can see what Austin says. "We were just catching up man, I'm sorry. I didn't think it would cause this much tension."

Adrian doesn't respond. Instead, he scoffs and grabs my wrist, practically pulling me out of the room with the batting cages, down the hallway, and into the room the other WAGs were in.

"Stay here! I'm going down to the field with the other guys. Don't leave the girls."

I nod. I understand why he's mad. I shouldn't have been in a room by myself with a boy I used to love.

That was a stupid choice on my part.

I'd be pissed too if it were the other way around.

I look around at all the other girls. They're all engaging in conversation with each other, which is always very awkward for me. People tend to speak more rapidly when they're in bigger groups, and it's always hard for me to understand what they're saying. One-on-one convos are more my pace.

I sit down on one of the couches and pull out my phone. I start playing one of the several games I have downloaded when a familiar number pops up on my screen.

I deleted Austin's number when we broke up, but now that I see it, I realize that I've never actually forgotten it.

(951)-(555)-(1509)

Can I see you again soon, please? There's so much we need to catch up on.