Love

My hands could feel the slight changes in level as I went over the grass. The sky is decorated with leaves so lively and crisp, plump with the color green. That freshness of the air rushed into my nose every time I took in a breath. My head cleared as my eyes danced from leaf to leaf and then casually took in the entire scene of sky and tree.

The breeze ran down my clothes and my breath became shallower. Pressure could be felt in my veins as they tried to push blood with more ferocity. Less and less air could be felt in my lungs. The slithering could be heard, the scales could be sensed by every nerve on my neck and a hissing noise in my ear. It itched and unnerved me. The snake tightened and caressed my face like it was giving me a kiss.

“Darling, wake up.” That voice, too sweet for my taste. She woke me up with a kiss and pulled away while tracing the outline of my face, those eyes watched me with attentiveness. “It’s already 10 and we have to get ready for lunch with my parents.” She sighed after her words as if she was admiring me as her very own artwork. I managed a weak smile.

Mellowed sunlight scattered throughout the room and it held me in comfort as if my own mother wrapped me in her arms. Yet every time she spoke, the coldness in her words found its way to my heart and it waned into tepidness. I simply wanted to stay asleep, keep my eyes closed and not be conscious of this life. She stood up and went to the bathroom. Her slim figure and almond skin coveted by many.

When I first met her, she was desolate. Forgotten, forsaken, and vitiate. Now, she has left me with so much less. Like a black hole, it was palpable how she consumed all the luxuries of life all to no end. When I grabbed her shoulders and kissed her neck my fingers and lips became numb. You wonder when infatuation spirals into mayhem. I pressed my body against her and our eyes met.

“Where is the lunch again?” I asked. She turned around to be face to face with me and her usual lovely smile bloomed into existence.

“It’ll be at the Carson Café and I made the reservation outside for my dad. You know he likes the fresh air, remember?” she told me. I moved over to wash my face in the sink next to hers. The silver faucet showing my murky reflection. When I closed my eyes, I remembered that reflection whenever I imagine my own image, I can hardly see the details. I’ve become a puppet; I might speak and respond yet my free will is not my own. I see this woman who’s never had someone in her life who cared and I feel rage. This person loves me with her entire being yet I have drained slowly of the love I once thought could be given so willingly.

“Well how is it outside? I really hope it isn’t too warm cause I want to wear my sweater.”

“It’s cool enough don’t worry.” Her voice again. My head freezes when I hear it, like it’s being tortured with a whip. I can’t take it anymore. I catch a glance of her in the mirror and I feel my skin pinned with nails. She moves and I tense my body with a feeling of disgust. She wore her favorite outfit, loose jeans and my treasured sweatshirt. I wanted to tell her to take it off but I stopped myself, with every ounce of mental strength,

When we saw her parents waiting outside, I felt guilt. I couldn’t sit in front of them with this hate I carried inside for their daughter.

“Hey, you guys finally got here.” Her mother knew. It was the thinness of her welcoming tone like if I said the wrong words I would fall through the glass, meanwhile, her dad was oblivious. It bothered me that her mother never said anything to me about my relationship yet it was always on the tip of her tongue. She pushed intense pressure onto you and smiles with joy as she sees you uncomfortable. I see that her daughter learned from her.

“Yeah, sorry we got stuck in some traffic on the way here.” My voice was scratching my throat as I dragged the words out of my mouth.

“It’s alright we just sat down five minutes ago anyway, but how have you been John?” Her father politely asked. His words felt hot compared to the bitter cold from his wife.

“Work has been good same as always.” I wanted to say, work is the only place I could breathe. “How about you guys, retirement must be fun right?” His face contorted from a smile to concern. I felt my breathe become shallower, every time I breathed a knife was stabbing my lungs.

“Honey are you ok?” She looked at me with kindness, placing her hand on my shoulder. I wanted to burn these clothes, but I smiled instead. “You’re really pale John, are you sick?” I felt my throat was tightening, I stared at the table and the background faded; the questions became more frequent and muffled. Drowning in a puddle of mud was how I imagined myself at this moment.

Again, I felt her touch and I ran to the bathroom. It was her. Her every touch, word, action, and any moment that my eyes laid on her made me want vomit. I swung open the door and I felt no breathe coming in just my gasps in between convulsing. Then I couldn’t throw up anymore but something was stuck in my throat.

“Sssssth.” That noise was ringing in my head, I could feel the vibrations throughout my body. I wanted it out, I opened my mouth and tried to grab it. At this point tears were in my eyes and my skin was red yet no breath. The inside of my mouth was gagging those gut-wrenching gags and I felt the slimy body. I pulled it out and it was a snake. The same snake from my dream, covered in saliva and blood. Its eyes were just like hers cold.