Lost in a Frozen Pond

"Sweety, you need to get up!!"

I could hear mom screaming for me to wake up and get ready for school. I didn't want to go but knew that mom wouldn't let me stay home. School sucked. Even with me being a senior in high school, I had no friends. Everyone that I knew from middle school and elementary school started to ignore me once I got made fun of in the cafeteria. That happened the 2nd week of freshmen year, nothing has changed since then. I am an outcast, no friends, bad grades, parents were poor. Life did hate me.

Getting ready for school was quicker the less I thought about not wanting to go. I was done changing within 5 minutes. Since nobody pays attention to me, I just throw on whatever I want. Walking downstairs I sat at the kitchen counter, eating the cereal mom had prepared before she went to work. Both she and dad worked 2 jobs. So they were never really home. Being the only child sucked. I went from no friends at school to nobody to hang out with while my parents were gone.

School went by in a blur. I remember being told that I was too fat, so I shouldn't eat lunch. I remember being thrown onto the ground and stepped on by some kids during passing periods. I also remember Mr.Little yelling at me for not doing my homework. When in reality some kids grabbed it out of my hand and tore it apart before he made it to my desk.

I hated the life that I was forced to live. I couldn't decide whether the so-called "God" had planned for all this to happen. Or if I was just a toy for him to torture. I didn't want to continue this game any longer.

I remember mom and dad saying that life would get easier with time. But, their life was just as bad as mine. Poor, a stupid child, no family to help us. I don't know how my parents were so happy all the damn time.

I remember the school bully asking me to meet him behind the school. Where the old pond was. He had asked me to talk, he wanted to apologize for the things he had done to me. Something about finding the truth behind his hatred for me. And I fell for it. I truly believed he would stop bothering me every single day of my life. That happened three months ago and he still makes my life living hell.

So today I walked to the same place he called me beautiful. The place where he said that his dad talked him into believing being gay was nothing more than a sin. I was stupid to believe that the son of the preacher would truly change for himself. I could feel the tears pour down my face as my heart ached. I wanted a better life. I wanted someone to love me. I needed someone to see me for who I truly was and care for them.

Laying my tired body onto the ice, I asked God to save me from this torture. I needed him to prove that he was real to me. I don’t know how long I was laying on the frozen pond. It was freezing outside. I couldn’t feel my body, my nose was frozen and red, my arms were numb. I was passing out, my breath was getting short. I wanted to fall asleep. Right before I closed my eyes, I heard what sounded like breaking glass. Just as quickly as the sound came, I felt my body get plummeted into the cold water. I heard God say that he would finally listen to my calls. As my body sank to the bottom of the pond, I finally felt safe. Taking a deep breath of water, I felt myself leave the neverending hell I called life.

Finally, I was happy that God was real.