Living the Myth

I was born on my grandfathers’ birthday– maybe that’s why I’ve always felt so attached to him.

My earliest memories are ones of joy, bouncing on his knee and laughing uncontrollably at the funny faces he would show me. Sometimes, I remember, he had tears in his eyes as we played our silly games together.

He told me, years later, that those tears were tears of pride and happiness for the gift that was me.

Apparently, according to my parents, I was a precocious little girl. I seemed to be always asking questions about things that were far beyond what other little girls my age were interested in. I know now that sometimes those questions embarrassed my parents.

I remember, many years ago, when I was just ten years old, marching to the dinner table as my parents were entertaining guests and demanding to be told the truth about how babies were made. My parents stared at me with horror as their guests tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle their laughter. You see, I couldn’t help myself as I felt a need to know the answer to these difficult questions that all adults seemed to know. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to have the answers to these simple but important questions– like the question, “why did my parents make me and how?”

Flash forward a few years to my first boyfriend and first heartbreak– to a lesson my grandfather taught me and has stayed with me ever since.

My grandfather was my rock, my cornerstone that was always there when I was at my most vulnerable. He was the one person in my world that really got me and would listen without judgement.

**

Gabriel Moreau was born in France before moving to Canada in our first year of high school and I loved him deeply. We were fourteen when we met and from that first meeting I knew he felt the same as I did–we felt as one.

As we lived just a few blocks apart, we would walk to and from school together every day.

I remember so clearly the first time Gabriel held my hand as we walked– it felt like something in me changed. It’s hard to explain, but it felt like some sort of warm heat moved up my arm and into my heart, making me feel something I had never felt– I felt whole. As if a part of me had been missing but was now here, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I was in love.

But that sense of peace and loved turned into something completely different on the day that I saw Gabriel, on the soccer pitch, holding Suzie Grant’s hand. My heart exploded in anger as I walked up to them and started screaming at Gabriel, telling him that I hated him.

He tried to explain, saying, “It’s not what you think. Suzie just hurt her hand and I was just looking at it.”

I looked into Suzie’s eyes and saw the truth there before pushing him away and telling him again that I hated him and that he was a liar.

I ran home and into the house, with tears running down my face, straight into my mothers’ arms. She held me tight as I sobbed and asked me what was wrong. I explained what had happened, what Gabriel had done, but she did the one thing I didn’t expect.

She smiled and said, “Oh, Athena, honey. Don’t worry, you will get over this. This is first love; you may have many loves before you actually find your one true love.”

I became angry and yelled, “No mom, you’re wrong. Why do you always treat me like a child?”

She stared at me for a few seconds before I stood and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me.

My grandfather came to visit that weekend and as we sat in the backyard talking, he stared into my eyes and asked, “What’s wrong, honey? You’re not your usual happy self; I can see sadness in your eyes. Are you ok?”

Tears started to flow as I told him about Gabriel and what had happened. When I finished, I expected him to say something but he just sat and smiled at me with love, as if he wanted me to continue. He knew me well and knew there was more, more I needed to tell or a question I needed answered.

Almost in a whisper I said, “I don’t understand how I can feel two opposite things at the same time.”

He asked, “What are these two things you’re feeling?”

“I love him and hate him at the same time. I know it’s stupid but it’s true.”

“Ah, Athena dear, it’s not stupid. You’re just confusing the word hate with anger. Hate is a powerful word, with only one side, that I have always felt is unneeded. But love is a much more powerful word as it has two sides, like two sides of a coin. There’s the face side, which we all want and need, which gives us the joy we cherish. But there is also the other side, the tail side, which brings pain to our lives. They are connected as twins are connected and always have been.”

I started to feel a little better as my young mind digested what he was saying. I understood now that it wasn’t hate I was feeling but it was more like he described, I was angry because I was hurt.

He took my hands in his and asked, “Have you ever heard the stories of the origin of love? If not I think maybe now is the time you did.”

I thought for a minute before answering, “I don’t think so. We’ve been learning about the great poets in school but I don’t think that’s the same thing. What stories are you talking about?”

Grandpa smiled, “Well there are many but I think my favourite is by Plato. Do you know who that is?”

“Yes, I think we are just starting to learn about him. Wasn’t he an ancient Greek philosopher?”

“That is correct. He spoke of many things in his life including a myth about the origin of love.”

I listened, intently, as he told me the story.

“According to the myth, humans were four-legged creatures with two heads that walked upright.

They were powerful beings, and they threatened the gods, so Zeus decided to split them in half as punishment. After being split in half, these "creatures" felt incomplete and desperate for their other halves. Their longing for completion was what we know today as love.

Plato believed that this myth explained why people feel attracted to certain people or certain types of people – because our souls may believe that if we find our "other half," then we can become whole again.

He also believed that when two people are in love, their souls may be fulfilled because they are reunited with their missing piece. This can explain why, when two lovers break up, it can feel like a part of them has been taken away, because their soul may believe that part is gone forever.”

As he spoke, I thought about what my mother had said and knew she was wrong.

I told grandpa this but he disagreed with me.

“No honey. She may well be right. She is just trying to protect you as many people do exactly what she said. It is very rare that first love is the one love your soul has been waiting for.”

I knew that he was wrong but jumped up and hugged him tight as I said,

“I love you so much grandpa.”

Gabriel moved back to France after the first year of high school and it would be many years before I saw him again.

***

Now, sitting on this bench beside my grandfather’s grave, as I do on this date every year, I think about all the gifts that he has given me through my life. The most important being, my understanding of what love is–not just with his words but more so with his actions.

He was and still is my rock, my cornerstone, my definition of love and I thank him every day for that.

I’m pulled from my thoughts by the sound of happy children yelling, “Mommy, we’re here.”

I stand and kiss my grandfather’s headstone before turning and seeing my three little girls running towards me, each with new flowers in their hands.

Smiling, I thank grandpa, as I watch Gabriel trying his best to keep up with his daughters,