Live

The outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. Once, she would not go into his room at all, so the glimpse was even less than a shimmer.

Michael’s room was the only one with a window in the entire Hub. He was allowed the window because he was the only one left who had ever been outside. There were others before, but they chose to leave. It was always a choice to stay or go, but a strong suggestion to stay had been implanted into Shiloh since she was born. It was only safe here. Here they would live and live and live. Out there… chaos.

The first time Shiloh found herself down Michael’s hallway, he was on the phone. She’d wandered into the 40+ age bracket of the monstrous, mini-planet sized building during a game of hide and seek. Michael was one of six tenants here and the eldest. His voice boomed unabashedly down the hall and she’d followed it, his laughs masking the sounds of her footsteps from the seeker. The game was forgotten when she saw the square in his room. It was big, taking up the entire wall. Shiloh thought it was a TV.

The boys always hogged the TV in the Age 10-15 wing. They would wake up early and spend the day in there keeping tabs on the remote. Everyone else filtered in and out, bored of the constant reruns. Shiloh didn’t even bother going in anymore. She found a lot more enjoyment in the library where she still had hundreds of books to choose from that she hadn’t already read.

Michael’s TV was a still picture. She thought it was frozen and had the urge to dash in and tap on the screen. It was the biggest TV in the place, not including the film screen in the main theater. There was so much light and what looked like grass and trees. In the distance she could see figures moving, but they never came closer during her first glimpse and she didn’t have patience for one of those slow introductions shows.

The next time she found herself in the 40+ wing it was on purpose. It was almost lights out as she peered her head inside. Michael was sitting up in bed, not facing his TV, but reading from a thick stack of paper cradled in his lap. Some pages were wrinkled, some smooth, and in varying colors, but mostly white. He would lick his index finger to peel the next sheet up then place it face down on his right side before picking up the next one.

The TV was dark but showed the moon and stars, brighter than she ever saw on any of the other TVs in the entire community. She hinged forward, making out figures moving through the darkness, caught in a spotlight by the moon, before continuing out of shot. She craned her neck to see if more would appear. “It’s a window, you know.” Shiloh jumped out of sight from the door frame. “Child, I already know you’re there. It’s okay.”

Shiloh crept forward into Michael’s doorframe, still not crossing into the room. “A window?”

He pulled off his thin-wired reading glasses and set them on the thicker stack of paper that grew to his right. “Yes. The only window to the outside.”

She felt a chill run over her. “Outside, outside? Actually outside?”

He rolled his eyes but there was new light jumping in them. “The real outside. Where I’m from. Out there are other people. There are animals. The long grass is real, in the daytime you’ll see it moves in the wind.” He smiled in the memory only he could see, only he could feel.

Shiloh waited politely for her elder to continue. Her eyes were on him when larger movement came from the window. “Who are they?”

“People.”

“We’re people. They look… different somehow.”

“They’re more of people than we’ll ever be. More than I’ll ever be again.”

“What was it like out there?”

As Michael opened his mouth to respond, the hallways chirped indicating everyone should return to their rooms if they wanted to make it before dark. Everything in their world ran on a timer to conserve energy. “A story for another day perhaps.” He frowned at the remaining pages from his lap. His eyes didn’t adjust to the dark as easily as the younger generations in the Hub.

The second warning chirped and Shiloh reluctantly left made her way home. She stopped at the threshold and asked, “Tomorrow?”

And so, the next day she returned. Michael only had one stack of paper by the time she returned, all face down and now on the desk. “Good morning.” He saw her movement through the window and beckoned her in without turning around. “Come sit.” There was a chair placed six feet from his own and she took it. “We have company.”

Shiloh’s jaw dropped. Outside the window played three children and one older man watching with a smile. Shiloh had never seen someone so old, not even on the TV. He noticed her and tipped his hat, several teeth missing from his smile. It was obvious by her face that she didn’t understand they could see in just as easily as she could see out.

“He’s 77. An old friend of mine, Reuben.” Michael smiled. “We used to be in school together.”

“How? You can’t possibly be in the same age bracket.”

Michael chuckled. “I know I look good for 77, but believe me when I say he’s held up well for out there. Who knows what I would’ve looked like. I miss him, but he’ll bring his grandchildren by for visits. And we still talk on the phone. It’s not the same, of course, as meeting up for pints at a dive bar.” Shiloh knew what a bar was, but not a dive bar. Michael sensed this. “A hole in the wall sort of place. Usually it’s older, everyone who goes in is a regular. Then again, I guess everyone is a regular here too.”

“Why do they look wet? And what are grandchildren?” The children were running around and putting their hands on each other. It was rare to touch another person in the Hub. Once one child touched another, the other two would run away, giggling like mad. There was a red tint to their faces.

“That’s sweat. It cools down the body when stimulated. That’s what happens when you exercise out there. And I’ll explain what a family is out there another time. There’s a lot to it, and it’s very different from the family concept you know.”

She didn’t press him to tell her everything right then. “We exercise, why don’t we sweat?”

“We’re built differently here. Well, you were. I had to be adjusted.”

Shiloh considered this. “They look like they’re having fun.” She stood and walked to the window until her nose almost touched it. “I want to go out there.” She waved and the kids paused their game to wave back.

Michael watched her watch them. She would never know what it was like to actually play and interact with others, not fully anyway. And if she were to go out there, she wouldn’t last. Her immune system was virtually nonexistent. The kids here were made without one. Sickness, disease, and death didn’t exist in the Hub.

One of the kids fell and scraped his knee on a rock. Red gushed from him and Shiloh could almost hear his howls. “What is coming out of him?”

“Blood.” And so, Michael explained blood.

“And what are those papers you were reading?”

The question so surprised Michael, he turned to glance at his desk as if he forgot they were there. “I don’t want to talk with you about those.”

--

Shiloh visited with Michael daily to learn about the outside. He was the only person who was willing to talk about it, but he did ask that she keep his lessons to herself. The lesson she had the most difficult time comprehending was death. “What’s the point if they’re going to die? Aren’t they scared? Their lives are just ending… and they don’t see each other again?” She thought of the three children and tried to imagine seeing only two of them play their game.

“What’s the point of continuing to live?” Michael responded.

“What else is there?”

“That is the question. Nobody knows. The Hub was created by people who thought death was unnecessary. You won’t know this term but we are essentially vampires, that’s what people like us would’ve been called growing up. Out there is pain and death, but there’s also joy and love. People get hurt, people survive, people fight all their lives and still die in the end. They can be happy or sad. Everyone is seeking their purpose in life. Kids out there all are insatiably curious, much like yourself. They get to experience everything a human should. A whole slew of emotions. You can’t appreciate happiness until you’ve felt deep sadness. You can’t appreciate the good without the bad.”

Shiloh tried to remember if she’d ever seen anyone smile like the kids outside the window. Everyone moved like robots, doing the same activities every day. She never fit in with her age bracket. They were content to remain ignorant. She couldn’t help but wonder, about everything.

--

Michael had enjoyed sharing his knowledge with Shiloh. There was no end to the things she didn’t know, and he loved telling his stories from the old days. Until he got the call about Reuben.

“What’s wrong?” Shiloh saw what she now knew were tears falling down Michael’s face. He made big, sad noises and his shoulders shook with force. She looked to the window and the three grandchildren were walking up carrying bundles of flowers. They each sat one in front of Michael’s window, the taller one solemn-faced the other two with tears of their own.

That’s when Michael started taking his sleeping pills.

--

Shiloh still went to the room to sit in front of the window. Sometimes Michael would be awake, other times not. She saw sunshine and storms, different animals, and the kids often came to visit. Sometimes they’d play around for her entertainment, other times they’d talk to each other by writing messages on paper from their respective sides of the thick glass. Mostly, she watched the world go by.

She worried about Michael, often patting him on the shoulder on her way out of the room in the same way she sometimes saw the grandchildren do with each other. He spent less and less time awake and she watched bottles of pills be replaced with full ones that would slowly empty too. Even asleep, he looked stressed, twitching and groaning while his chest rose and fell. And then one day, he looked peaceful.

Shiloh studied him, waiting to see his chest move. “Michael?” She whispered. Then louder, “Michael!” Panic seized her and she shook him, desperate to see him move. “Michael wake up!” She grabbed the empty container to read about his sleeping pills. Based on the date, he’d only received it yesterday. He never went through them that quickly. She scanned for side effects, but the label gave her nothing. “Michael please wake up.” She shook him harder, almost pushing him over the side of his bed.

Her body felt hollow and her stomach heavy. She took a few steps back, confused, and bumped into his desk. All of the papers were facing down except the one on top. And it was addressed to her. "Shiloh."

As she read, her vision blurred, and she felt hot liquid drip down her face. It reached the corners of her mouth and she licked at salty tears. She lifted her shirt and did her best to dry her face but it kept coming. Plops of them fell onto his letter and the darker circles expanded as they soaked into his neat writing.

“You can choose to live, or you can choose to die. But make it a life worth living. Stay curious and experience as much of it as you can. I love you. You’re the granddaughter I never had. I am so sorry, but I am ready to move on.”