PFG

“Well, it’s looking pretty grey and dreary out there. What do you think Babe, should we risk the North Shore beach mission or just commit to vegetating in bed all day?”

“I think we should get the kids outside, you know how it is, there are always squalls, it’ll be sunny and beautiful in 20 minutes.”

“I’m not hating this lazy Saturday mission though. Plus, it’s always wet north, if anything, we should head West Side.”

“Ha, you never mind staying in bed all day though, my love.”

“Hey! Well, true. I could be pretty stoked to stay right here and look, our little one sure likes the snuggles, huh?”

“Mhhm, Mom, you are the best! I love my Mom and I love my Dad and I love my sisters and I love my gran…”

“Are you serious? That’s horrible! Babe, come on man, you need to leave the room, not cool!”

“Ahaha no it was me, Mom!”

“Yea, geez ‘man,’ you always have to blame me huh?”

“There’s no way that was her! It’s still awful, I can freaking taste it, not cool!”

“No! Hahahaha! Mom! It was me! Him not do it, I do it!”

“Oh my god, stop! Don’t try to fart!”

“Hahahaha! See, I told you Mom! It was me, I do it!”

“I told you it wasn’t me, just assuming, like always. You owe me an apology.”

“This one is even worse than the first! How can someone so small make such an awful smell? Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“No, I just fart.”

“Babe, did you give her dairy today?”

“Just a little in her cereal. She’s fine, you gave her yogurt yesterday and nothing happened.”

“Ugh, no I gave her coconut-based yogurt and the almond milk is in there for her cereal, I put a note on it and everything!”

“Nah, you worry too much, relax a little.”

“Honey, you’re sure you don’t need the toile….no! Knock it off, put your butt down!”

“Ahaha!”

“I mean it, get your butt out of my face! Stop trying to fart, go to your own room if you’re going to keep doing that.”

“This is a big one! Aaaahha…”

“Agh, seriously! No more, that smells so bad!

….

…why are you quiet?

What’s that face? Honey?

Oh no. Don’t tell me….you had an accident, didn’t you?

….

…you can’t just not say anything, is there a mess?

….

Do you need to change? Your face is telling me you do.”

“Yes, mommy. I’m sorry. Mommy my tummy hurts.”

“This is why you shouldn’t make yourself fart! You need to go to the toilet when your tummy hurts.”

“Sorry, Mommy.”

“The good old P-F-G: Poop-Fart-Gamble. Looks like you lost that one kid.”

“Babe! Not helpful! This isn’t funny! Come on let’s go change. No, wait! I’ll help you get off the bed, I don’t want your poop on my blankets. Ready? Ok, here, now walk to the bathroom, carefully.

Babe, open then windows and turn on the fan!”

“Ha, yes boss!”