Little Black Girl

Standing here I can hear them yelling. I told you! I told you that she wouldn't last one second! 

You see I was the only little black girl in my town. No one looked like me, not even my own mother. My Black father was long gone before my birth, and my mom is as white as the unseasoned chicken breast we ate most nights for dinner. People will say they are nice to us because they have a smile on their face when they address us as Lauren and her Black girl. The kids call me Lacionna although my actual name is just Laci. My teachers give me less work because they said I won't succeed. My mother calls me her Mocha Hope although she called my dreams crazy. My home, my school, the grocery stores, the churches and the parks and there was no one around like me. People didn't understand why I was different. There were wispers about how I became this way. Those were things I learned to block out later in life. I knew who I was and why. I also knew plenty of people on TV that looked like me. I couldn't understand why others couldn't see it.

It was the summer of 2005 and I was dealing with the daunting effects of puberty on top of my already awkward relationships. Everything always felt awkward until Blake came around. Blake was nice to me without the mention of my darker skin or curly hair. This summer Blake invited me to the lake. I knew that most kids hung at the lake during the summers, but I spared myself the humiliation of the possibilities of all things gone wrong. This summer I felt that Blake would protect me. He always seemed to make my presence welcomed.

My 13th birthday kicked off the summer but usually we spent it at the local diner with my favorite white cake with white whipped icing. Always one candle and my wish to not be so different. I walked into the house after a store run. Eggs in my right hand, milk in my left and......SURPRISE!!! They screamed as my eggs dropped to the ground. A surprise party!? Why would she give me a surprise party!? While first my instinct was to run, instead I looked to the table of cake. There where perfectly cut pieces of cake. One for each of the 5 people standing before me. But the strangest thing was every single piece looked just like the white cake with the white whipped icing I always eat on my birthday. Then I looked to Blake. He was standing there with a slice of chocolate cake. As I walked over to him he handed me the cake. I'm not sure what his intentions were with the cake but it made me happy. I took a bite and the next thing I knew everyone was standing over me. I had passed out. I'm not sure why but I felt different. I felt empowered and strong. I felt comfortable in my skin and comfortable with the people around me. But wasn't sure why until the lake.

My mom got me a black one piece bathing suit for my birthday and I put it on to go to the lake. I arrived at the lake and see Blake motioning me to come over. I wouldn't usually gather with the crowd but this was different. As I came closer I noticed a girl on the cliff. She stood at the edge and everyone began to count ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR......they get to twenty and she backs away. Who's next!? The town jock yells at the top of the hill. He sees me and calls me to the hill. Lacionna? Is that you? Oh I bet you can't last one second up here. Blake looks at me and said I didn't have anything to prove. I tell him I'm fine. I walk to the top of the hill and go to the cliff. I close my eyes and back away......They all begin to laugh and yell . I told you! I told you that she wouldn't last one second! Before I could turn around I closed my eyes, ran to the edge of the cliff, and dove off into the lake. I wasn't sure why I did it, I couldn't even swim. In mid air I managed to scream CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!! When I hit the water my body just knew what to do. Not only was I swimming I stayed under  water and ended up in front of the group astonished at what I had done. The awkward silence didn't seem so awkward and Blake took my hand and gave me his towl. I thought I had become a superhero I was given powers by the cake and now I was unstoppable. Turns out, I am just the little black girl who closed her eyes and believed in herself.