Like Letters Written in the Sand Part Nineteen

It was not Anna-leis’ style to sit still and after a few days, she would need to find something more than just sitting at a desk and writing. It was difficult for her to be sidelined, until she recovered, but that is where she found herself at the moment. Since Anna-lei would not be able to use her prosthetics until the sores healed, Clarence tried to keep her busy when he was not at work. For now, he worked at home as much as he could, in order to maintain her spirits. Occasionally, this might involve a trip to the beach to watch the sunset, where he would carry her to a comfortable spot and lay a blanket on the sand. In truth, it had taken her some time to get comfortable with needing any kind of assistance, and she was still not comfortable with it. It was different with Clarence, who did not just assume she needed assistance, but inquired about her needs.

Taking trips to the beach or to the movies helped, but Anna-leis knew that the longer it took for her to heal, the more ground she would lose. Despite her best efforts, she had not been able to walk with her prosthetics for more than a few steps by now, and she had only herself to blame.

“I knew something was wrong, so why did I keep pushing?” Anna-leis asked Clarence, seeking answers he was unable to provide.

“I do not know, sweetheart, but you realize now that we all have our limitations.”

“I realize that, but I never expected this to happen.” sighed Anna-leis. There is nothing easy about this situation.

“I know Anna-leis, and I would gladly shoulder your burden if I could.”

I would not want anyone I care about to suffer through this.” Anna-leis sighed as she lay in Clarence’s arms. There was something reassuring about being in his arms, knowing he was there, knowing she could turn to him when she needed him, eased a great deal of her pain.

Clarence hated to see Ana-leis in pain. An emotional pain that he could not alleviate. As much as it broke his heart to see her suffering, he knew that she would be able to overcome this. He just wished she had parents who supported her rather than hurt her. It was impossible for him to give her that, but what he was able to give her was undying love, and that is what he did, he gave her his heart and soul, and she gave him hers.

Anna-leis often felt as if she was living a dream, or maybe a fairytale one, where she found the man of her dreams, something she had never thought possible. She believed her scars were too deep for that, her parents had done so much damage. However, with Clarence’s assistance, she was beginning her healing journey, knowing that this journey would be impossible without him.

Husband, it just sounded right, she thought, gazing into his eyes as they lay side by side. Clarence was so kind and compassionate, despite all her parents’ attempts to convince her she was not good enough for him. They loved her twin sister and hated her, and they had told her as much, and those scars still remain. Clarence was angered by the pain that people who were supposed to love her were causing. However, his parents loved her unconditionally, which is something her parents should have done for her.

It will be okay, Anna-leis. You are going to become stronger.” said Clarence gently. It is important for you to know that you are not alone. Although I am unable to understand your pain, I am able to love you through it.”

“I am grateful for what you do, Clarence. Through the highs and the lows, I know I can rely on you.” Anna-leis gazed lovingly at Clarence. “And you do not treat me as if I were a freak.”

“Sweetheart, you are not a freak in any way, shape, or form. Get those thoughts out of your head.”

“I see how some people view me.”

It was painful enough to see the physical scarring, but to see the pain caused by the emotional scarring broke Clarence’s heart.

“Anna-leis, it is they who have the problem, not you. Your strength and independence have not changed.”

“I lost both of my legs as a result of a drunk driver.” While Anna-leis tried to convey her pain, she found it difficult to do so. She was not very good at expressing her feelings, but Clarence knew and held her as she grieved.

“I apologize.” Anna-leis apologized. Clarence, however, did not require apologies; he simply desired to be able to hold Anna-leis and comfort her in times of need. It was common for her to shut down completely, but he had learned that was an escape mechanism left over from her childhood.

“It’s okay to be upset about your losses Anna-leis, grief is normal.”

In spite of her flaws, Anna-leis nodded, but said nothing for a few moments. She just reflected on how blessed she was to have someone like Clarence in her life.

It was your sister we wanted, not you.

You should not have been born!

These words still pierced her heart a decade and a half later.

Is it really so bad that they could not love me? Could I be that bad? “They didn’t even care that I was injured?”

Clarence felt his cheeks flush with anger. It is inexcusable that anyone would harm Anna-leis, particularly her parents, who should have taken care of her.

“The problem lies with them, dear, not with you. You did nothing wrong, you are absolutely worthy of love, it is them who have the problem. It is as if they wear hate as a cloak.”

There were no words available to Anna-leis at that moment, but love does not require words to express itself. Sometimes love is expressed through silence, and sometimes it does not require words at all.

“Thank you very much.” Anna-leis whispered after a period of time. I am grateful for your belief in my worth.”

“Always Anna-leis.”

To Be Continued…

Copyright ©️ Michelle R Kidwell, August.15.2022, Revised May.22.2023