Like Letters Written in the Sand Part Eighteen

“Anna-leis, I cannot promise you a child, that this adoption will occur, but I can promise you that I will fight to accomplish it, and that I will love you until the day I die and beyond. As he held Anna-leis, Clarence made a promise to her.

“I understand.” Anna-leis replied. “I am grateful, but I am not sure what I was expecting, this is more difficult than I expected. I had expected to be stronger by now.”

“It is important to remember that strength comes in many forms.” Clarence took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of Annalei’s favorite shampoo.

As people pried into Anna-leis’ life, asking intrusive questions, she nodded, but honestly she did not feel strong. It was not easy for her to talk about what had happened to her, but she was capable of handling it. It was far more intrusive to ask questions about her childhood.

Clarence wrapped his arms around her and let her lean into him as they stood. The day was beautiful and it felt good to be outside. It cannot erase the scars of Anna-leis’ past, it cannot give her a better childhood, but it can give her a beautiful present.

“Will I ever be able to move beyond my childhood scars?” she asked, resting her head on Clarence’s shoulder.

“Sweetheart, I am not able to give you the answers; however, I am available as a support to you while you make your way through the process. As much as I would like to, I cannot.”

“I know Clarence, you have been a great help to me. Without you, I would be unable to cope with any of this.”

“I could not imagine life without you, Anna-leis. It is just so wonderful that you said yes, and we are now husband and wife.”

“I agree.” Anna-leis said softly, thanking God every day for the privilege of being married to Clarence. She regretted being stubborn for so long, but Clarence reminded her that it was now that mattered. “I am grateful for your support throughout all of this, and I am glad we are husband and wife. When I am around you, I do not feel broken.”

Anna-leis, you are not broken.” Clarence said gently.

“I’m a double amputee.”

“That does not make you a broken person, Anna-leis.” replied Clarence in a gentle manner. “It makes you strong.”

“I want to believe that, but I don’t feel strong.”

There are times when admitting that we are not feeling strong is a sign of strength in and of itself.” Clarence said, brushing the hair from Anna-leis’s face. Gratitude filled her heart as she smiled at the simple gesture.

“I guess, but I hope to become stronger in the near future.”

“I believe that you are gaining strength daily Anna-leis, both physically and spiritually.”

In spite of Anna-leis’ gratitude, she wished for more. A look of questioning crossed her face as she looked at Clarence. “What if this is all I am capable of doing? If I always need assistance walking, or if I require the use of a wheelchair.”

“Nothing will change sweetheart, I will continue to love you. We will continue to build a life together and find joy in each other. As long as we remain in the arms of one another, we will still be able to enjoy the life we have now.”

“Clarence, I do not know what I did to deserve you.”

“I am the one who does not deserve you, Anna-leis.” He said softly, kissing her cheek.

There was a moment of silence between Clarence and Anna-leis. He could tell that she was lost in her own thoughts. Soon, however, the silence was broken.

“I miss being an officer, I miss solving cases.” She sighed. “I was one step away from being promoted to sergeant when this happened.”

“I am deeply sorry, sweetheart.” Clarence said without knowing what else to say. He did not possess any magic words to make this situation better for her. He understood that she was angry about losing her career to a drunk driver.

“I thought writing would be sufficient.” Her shoulders slumped.

“Sweetheart, I am sure you will find what you are looking for.”

As Anna-leis nodded, she expressed gratitude for his kindness and support throughout this difficult time.

“I certainly hope so.” Anna-leis sighed. “But you have a way of making me believe that anything is possible.”

“That’s because that’s the case.” Clarence said with a smile. “May I have this dance now?”

“It is not a party, there is no music playing, and dancing is not something I am comfortable with. It was not before, and certainly is not now.”

“Sweetheart, all we need is each other to dance.”

Anna-leis laughed. “You know you sound corny, but I love it.”

“So you will let me have this dance?”

“Yes, of course.” A smile spread across Anna-leis’ face as she let herself move to a silent beat. The majority of the dancing was performed by Clarence, but being in Clarence’s arms was sufficient.

“Thank you so much, Clarence, for everything you do. My life has been made a thousand times better by you. The fact that you make me feel important is greatly appreciated.”

“That is because you are Anna-leis, you are everything to me.”

There was something about Anna-leis’ smile, that thousand watt smile, that had a way of melting Clarence to the core. There was no denying that she was beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside.

“It is becoming late.” Anns-leis whispered softly. “I need to begin preparing dinner.”

“I think we should order takeout.” Clarence suggested gently. “You should rest.”

Clarence could see the pain in her eyes even though she had not spoken.

“I’m sorry, but we overdid it.” Clarence said with a sense of guilt.

“Don’t be sorry Clarence, it was worth it, but I need help inside.”

Clarence nodded and took Anna-leis into his arms. “It was worth it.” Anna-leis replied, smiling as he set her down on the sofa, where she started to remove her prosthetics, sighing when she realized she would be sidelined for at least a few days due to a sore forming where her right prosthetic was worn. It had taken awhile for the sore to develop, but Anna-leis had tried to ignore it for a long period of time. She knew it was more than just a dance with Clarence, but it had taken awhile for it to appear.

“You should have told me that you were in pain.” Clarence said. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m sorry.” Anna-leis said. “My stubbornness can be a problem.”

I appreciate that about you, but please do not feel compelled to be so when it comes to pain. While I cannot eliminate your pain, I will do my best to ease it.”

To Be Continued…

Copyright ©️ Michelle R Kidwell, August.13.2022, Revised May.20.2023