Light as a feather

The warm summer night is busy. Wind howls around. It’s chaos pushing against me. Most would choose to fight this chaos. Demand a path with less to stand against. Afraid of the boxing gloves that awaits them once they wake up. But I am not the most, but rather the few. One of those that accepts this chaos as a part of them. Allowing me to take flight.

My eyes scan what’s below. Almost beating with their own heart. Moving separate from the rest of my conscious body. I’m Looking for a place I can call home. One out of the story’s I’ve heard. One where I can stop running and truly be happy. Where I can lay my chaos at the end of the day. Finally find a moment of peace.

The painting of trees goes off into the horizon. Each brushstroke of a leaf has something to say to me. As the wind collects each whisper and secret they send to me. The starlit firefly sky is nothing less than magic. Floating around igniting everything with a blaze of glory.

The fairytale of everything was breathtaking. Watching the motion picture movie passed me by. Each scene was better played than the last. The moonlight shines in comparison to everything else. Every single time I see it gives me a sense of longing.

Silver is my guide. Night after night it’s the home I’ve looked for. The gravitational pull is an intense love I’ve never had. It’s always been there. Even back when I was small. I’d look to the light, and get a sense of belonging.

It’s been the only constant. From the moment I was born. Even when I thought it wouldn’t. Still it returned. Always waiting peacefully for me in the night sky. Until the day I can finally greet it with nothing but peace.

A quick disruption of wind catches me off guard. It takes only a moment for the chaos to take over. In that moment if you don’t catch yourself you’ll fall.

Tucked under my own wings my body rolls on itself. My head muffed under my puffed chest. Feeling the soft brown fluffed feathers. Gripping for stability my talons scratch. Cutting deeper and deeper with every panicked reach.

Each slice makes me wince and whimper in pain. I cry for help, knowing deep down I’ll never get it. My stomach and I become one as we drop with both speed and determination.

Rushing pressure, flightless. Crashing down from the heavens above. I fight against the pushing winds. The hot night air finally cooled to my touch. My wings are trying to stabilize myself. Each roll becomes faster and faster. I know I don’t have much time.

There’s little strength in me. Blood seeping from the several deep cuts I’ve given myself. Crimson droplets building train tracks down my body. Falling alongside me. I dig up the last strength I have left. A small sandbox compared to the usual acres of land.

Pushing myself with everything I have. To stop the rolling terror. To hopefully get out of this alive… To not lose my chance at finding home. I need a miracle by God's hand. He’s playing with my puppet strings. I pull myself up. With a light jerk, and heavy concentration. I’m back riding the winds. Chaos back under control.

My body dips more and more. Weak, and unsteady my wings flap. Feathers becoming warm and wet. Stained red from the chest below. I no longer feel the pain from them. It’s nice to not feel it anymore.

The tree's whispers and secrets get louder and louder. The leaves sprinting to my reach. I bob in the air unsteady but moving. My head turns around. Looking for a place to land. A small clearing in the dense trees is ahead. The firefly’s light my way. My body merely feet from the treetops now.

The fire glows shining in the dark scrying mirror . The light is comforting at this moment. It makes me feel warm and seen after all this time alone. Reaching the edge of the clearing my eyes go blurred for a moment. Hitting the final tree as I drift to unconsciousness. Pain shoots as branches hit my legs. Rushing through my mind waking me only after seconds of dreams.

My screeching cry for help scares the fire flies away. And my back hitting hard on the ground. Scares away anything else around too. The soft wet dew grass compacted against the earth. The tip of my wing hitting water. A small pond. It’s cool to the touch. Ripples forming as my feather moves with the current of the wind. The deep crimson in my fluff seeping. Poisoning the pure body of water.

Silent pin drop tears roll down my cheeks. Consciousness drifting back to when I was young. The reality of my youth was hard to embrace. But at this moment I’m not afraid. I’m never going to be afraid again.

Fear takes me back to a towering rusted, cherry red barn. That sat in an overgrown field. The warped paint chipping. Weather and abandonment are the only things for acres. The weeds and grass overgrown the doorway. The broken hinged, gaping hole. Is shrouded in all surrounding nature.

I sit in the window opening. Laying in the one spot that still remains on the second floor. A small pile of straw, sticks and other miscellaneous things are beneath me.

I’m unsure where I am. Questions overwhelm my brain. So many to ask and all I was sure about. I was alone. My young newborn eyes look up. The wide silver there to greet me. I wanted a sweet embrace. Trying to reach out, but unable. Wishing for the day that I will be.

I turn my face to the sky. “The cold is nice down here”. My delirious mind is talking to me. My flooded eyes meet the light above. The silver ahead calms me. Wide eyed and welcoming me in open arms. Becoming bigger and bigger. Consuming everything around. The warmth embraces me. A heavy contrast to the almost bitter air.

There’s no more chaos at this moment. Everything is calm and peaceful. Driftwood out at sea. Never afraid of anything. After a tireless journey; searching. Counting the nights, never giving up my last bit of hope. I’m finally free.

My body feels back in the sky. A glorious spectacle. Drifting; but not against chaos anymore. There’s no more fighting, and for the first time reaching true happiness. The silver embrace engulfs me. Finally I’ve reached home.