Le Monstre

They’re right you know? You deflect and deny the feelings they’ve imposed on you but deep down you know they’re right. When you were younger you were a warrior. You protected your self and you didn’t let their jokes and names get to you. Look at you now. You’ve been fighting so long and you’ve started to give up. How does it feel to know that your seven year old self defended herself better than your twenty two year old self. Its pathetic.

Tell yourself it’s fine. Doesn’t help, does it? That’s because it’s true. You don’t understand social cues, you interrupt often because you don’t know when to speak, and hardly anyone reaches out to you first. It’s because you’re destructive. You’re a toxin. You’re forgettable.

You said it yourself when you were twelve. Your like a new toy on Christmas. The first month you get played with everyday but by the time month two rolls around you’re rotting in the back of the closet with all the other forgotten toys from Christmas past.

Your kindness and tolerance are wearing thin. You’ve started to become cold and it’s showing. You care so much if people like you yet you don’t care at all. You’ve go around like a revolving door. Maybe things would be different if you were normal.

Imagine you were put in a public school, on the cheer squad, getting your heart broken by high school boyfriends, going to parties and underage drinking, etc. Maybe that would have made you normal. Or maybe none of that would have changed you at all. What if it’s not the environment that’s made you this way? What if it’s the way you came?

What if you were meant to be alone? What if what you were made for giving more love than you’ll ever receive? What if you were made to be the freak?