Larry The Talking Wall

If walls could talk conversation would be eternal. New stories are generated at approximately ten times the rate any yarn could be spun from our closest and most unavoidable friends. And if anyone is a talker, it would be Larry The Talking Wall. His life started simply enough. He was cast out of concrete, timber, aluminum and pure sweat. A foundation that was sure to last two hundred years. It was somewhere around 1910, when he was erected in a span of a couple hours, at perpendicular angles to his closest friends.

Once the building was completed, Larry found there was surprisingly little to do. It would be a good twenty years before Larry realized he could talk the same way the humans (who took him for granted) did. He watched two Italian immigrants find their first home, get married, have children, and then grow old and die. Larry didn't say to much to them. He spent a long time just listening.

By 1970 Larry got a lot more talkative. He found he could broadcast his thoughts and opinions into the mind of whoever lived in his four corner universe. Later on he realized he could just talk openly. The next resident was a man named Garten, who was a hippy and a musician. Garten seemed to run on LSD, vegemite and potato chips; which was how he and Larry first bonded (in Larry's opinion).

Garten was the one who initiated the conversation. He would lean into Larry late at night, confessing all sorts of thoughts and opinions. He shared all of his hopes and aspirations too; as well as the darkest parts of himself.

One day Larry decided to talk back. He felt he could no longer let Garten suffer alone.

"Have you tried eating a more balanced diet?" Larry suggested, in a first, initial attempt at connection with Garten.

Garten's response was (for reasons Larry couldn't grasp) to go into a state of shock and denial. He seemed to become afraid of Larry after that. Larry continued to try to converse with, and comfort Garten; but this seemed to only make things more complicated. It seemed the harder he tried, the more confused Garten got. Eventually, on new years eve, 1980; Garten decided to throw himself out of Kyle (the window Larry had stood adjacent to for seventy years). Larry wasn't sure why his jovial, inspired rendition of a happy, new years chant had propelled Garten to do such a thing.

Aside from squatters and revolving sets of rule breaking teenagers; Larry spent the next forty or so years alone. It was the year 2020 when Karissa moved in. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, and had decided to move to Larry's city to find a new life. Once again, she initiated the conversation. Larry liked Karissa more than the previous residents. She was kinder and more animated. The kind of woman a wall could really get behind. She would wear the most interesting and trendy outfits. Larry always liked starting the new day by being greeted with whatever masterpiece of woman's fashion Karissa had quickly thrown together.

She mostly filled Larry's slightly cracked, faded turquoise paint job surface, with all sorts of musings and regrets about her previous relationship with "Keith." As much as Larry liked (and even admired) Karissa, he couldn't help feel, based on his hundred plus years of being a wall, that there were certain inconsistencies and self destructive tendencies in her relationships.

"Do you really have to keep going for the same type of guy!!?" Larry shouted back to Karissa one afternoon (finally introducing her to his ability to speak).

There was a long and epic silence after Larry said that. He started to worry Karissa would go for the window just like Garten. She did not. After the long silence she replied.

"Well...damn," she said, putting one of her unusually small hands on the dividing line between her forehead and black hair that was getting increasingly curly.

"I never thought about that..."

"You haven't thought about that at all?!" Larry said, realizing his discontent with Karissa's deficit in self-awareness was stronger than he thought.

"Well, it's not like I plan this out ahead of time...," she said. "Things just happen to me. You know, like everyone else."

"Right...," said Larry.

"I'm sure you have had girlfr--

Karissa put her hand on her head again.

"Um well...," she continued.

"I'm currently single," Larry joked. "But that doesn't mean you have to be."

"Harsh dude," said Karissa. "I don't need a man to define me."

"Of course not," Larry said. "I just couldn't help but notice you keep running into the same situations."

It wasn't completely apparent if Karissa's sudden wave of being flustered and divided was based on a sudden realization, or because she was having a conversation with a talking wall; but, whatever the case, she quickly fled her apartment after that.

"Nice work dude," said Chester (Larry's long time friend from across the room) sarcastically as Karissa disappeared.

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Karissa came back that night in better spirits and with more insights for Larry.

"There is this guy at Kustom Game Market (the 'indie game' developer Karissa had just started working for)," Karissa started to explain. "His name is Vincent."

"Uh huh, uh huh...," Larry replied.

"He's pretty cute, but he's kinda' dumb. Like, he thought a Capybara was a kind of Australian fruit drink."

"That is exceptionally dumb," said Larry. "This guy sounds a lot like Keith, to be honest Karissa."

"No! Oh my god! He is so different from Keith. Keith had these stupid fake canine teeth that he had inserted after a lacrosse injury. I always hated looking at them."

"I don't see how that makes Vincent different from Keith," Larry insisted.

"HE JUST IS!!!" Karissa protested, suddenly becoming upset.

Larry worried he might have pushed too hard. He started to re-calculate his strategy with helping Karissa.

"Maybe you should just enjoy the single life for the time being," Larry said. "Or get a cat perhaps?"

"We don't need a #$%^ cat in here!" Yelled Fernando (the closest wall to Larry). "She can't even remember to turn the AC off! I don't need a box of cat s#$% reeking up the place next to me!"

"Hey, screw you man!" Karissa yelled back to Fernando.

Larry noticed Karissa's hair would always become eccentrically unfurled in proportion to how upset she was.

"Let's not get distracted from the main point," Larry said.

"Alright...whatever," said Fernando.

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The next weekend after that:

Karissa was considerably vexed and discouraged about an ongoing situation at work. Kustom Game Market was creating a new, "rouge-like" style game called "Helm." Karissa had been changed from collaborating on the games art direction (which she had earned a degree for in college), to helping with raw data crunching. She knew very little about the process and felt she had been treated unfairly.

"Well, things don't always go the way you like," Larry insisted. "There was a guy living here for ten years who played the lottery everyday. He won a total of five dollars, and probably spent about ten thousand."

"What does that have to do with video game programing?" Said Karissa, leaning back on an ottoman and resting both her feet up in the air on Larry.

"The scenario is analogous," said Chester, breaking his usual silence.

"What is the point in studying for four years...just to get switched to menial work I know nothing about!"

"Aghh!!!" Karissa continued. "What's the point!"

"The point," Larry said. "Is that you continue to move forward in life. You have to play the long game."

"Or she is just bad at her job," Fernando added.

"I AM NOT BAD AT MY JOB!" Karissa yelled, craning her neck swiftly to counter Fernando.

"I'm not here to question your work ethic," said Larry. "I'm just encouraging you to have an optimistic outlook."

"You sound like my grandma," said Karissa.

"MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING!" said Fernando.

"Look, I'm no Great Wall of China," said Larry. "But I know what I know, and I've seen it all over the years. People reap what they sow. So I am encouraging you to preserve through this trying scenario."

"You knew the Great Wall of China?" Karissa asked, changing the subject.

"I know of her," said Larry. "Obviously, she is one of the most famous walls in the world."

"I knew the Berlin Wall," said Fernando. "That guy was a nightmare...he was a real piece of work."

"Let's not get distracted," said Larry.

"So, what should I do!!" Karissa insisted, completely discouraged and out of ideas.

"What I'm saying you should do, Karissa," Larry continued. "Is realize life isn't just one big helpless shout into an infinite void. The universe has principals. What you need to do is preserve nobly through this challenge, and things will get better."

"But when will it get better!" Said Karissa.

"That's millennials for you," said Fernando.

"It will get belter when it gets better," said Larry. "That's not the point. The point is that, the way you look at things can drastically shift your scenario. So take this upsetting development as an opportunity to grow as a person. I think, with that kind of outlook, you will find that things will turn around at about the same time you accept what is happening to you."

"Hmmm...," said Karissa, looking a bit more optimistic. "Maybe I will try that. Thanks Larry."

"Well, I'm just here for support," said Larry.