Keys to the Future

He-….Hey. H-…how’s everybody doin today? I’m sorry for the repetitive stammering. I’m a set of keys. Yes the kinda keys you use on a daily basis to drive your car or get into your house, I’m them. I’m currently bouncing up and down and all around because my owner is lost and looking for me, but what this idiot doesn’t realize is…I AM IN HIS BACK POCKET!!!

I know what you’re thinking, how could I possibly be lost if the owner I belongvv B to has me in his back pocket? Well the thing is this genius doesn’t know I’m back here. He also couldn’t hear or even feel my jingle because he has a lot of junk in his pockets. I swear this fool Carrie’s his whole life around with him in his pockets. It’s mad silly, I mean the kid keeps his phone, wallet, charger, a bunch of cash, a lot of coins, even ibuprofen and a couple Benadryls for the season just in case he gets sick-like. All of this is the reason he doesn’t know I’m in his back pocket.

Just in case you’re wondering what the rush is, no, he’s not on his way to work running late and he’s not due for a date. He’s actually attending a Black History Month festival today downtown and he’s one of the most important guest speakers. He’ll be paying his respects to Frederick Douglass and his struggle through slavery. Personally, I’m proud of this kid. I’m glad he’s got a hunger for his heritage and that he’s speaking up for it, but I really do wish he would have been better prepared. If he was I wouldn’t have to be all rock the boat in his back pocket, he’s making me sea sick and that’s physically impossible for an object in my position.

So let me break down what exactly happened. This event was arranged about a month ago by members of the city council. My owner agreed to be a guest speaker given his well known love of Black history, so as you could imagine he was well prepared. Fast forward to last night he wanted to make sure he was super duper prepared for today with nothing out of order. Normally he puts all the essentials that he carries in his pockets on his bedroom dresser, but last night he decided to put it all in the pockets of the pants he laid out to wear today.

With me being the mode of transportation he made sure to put me in the back pocket first and everything else just followed suit however. Being that he put me in his pocket first he forgot I was even in here and being that he’s used to me being on the dresser he thought he left me there. Now he’s frantically turning the house upside down trying to find me, completely unaware that I’m right in his back pocket. He just finished trashing the kitchen looking for me, then he went to the bathroom and caused a hurricane looking for me, which also explains why it now smells like someone dropped a bomb in his pants because he farted out of nervousness, right in my face.

Now he’s back in the bedroom and he’s nearly done turning upside down. He’s now more frantic than ever because if he doesn’t leave now he will be late. All of a sudden he takes a brief pause, then I start to feel hand coming into the back pocket to empty it out. I think he finally got the memo that I’m probably in here. He quickly start Ms throwing everything out of his pants, ending with you guessed it…me. When he spots me in the junk he quickly picks me up in a fit of joy and storms out of the house. Yes, all is well and we will make it to the festival.

Wait a minute. Though he found me and picked me back up, he forgot to put all the other essentials back in his pockets. With the way he drives he’s gonna need that wallet because he will be getting stopped for a ticket, not to mention his allergies will be bad and he left his medicine too. Here we go again…