Kespoogwitik

I was excused from the dinner table and finished washing up when there was a knock at the door. I said, "I'll get it!" with girlish anticipation. I then walked past my parents and younger siblings dignifiedly. My father said, "You are to return at sundown." with a firm tone as my sisters giggled and my brothers exchanged whispers.

Andrew and I had been walking the shoreline at the East End of Sable Island every evening for the past two weeks, searching for wreck wood from the sinking of the Titanic. Items found were being stored in one of the shelters for return to Halifax to be cataloged, owners found or items auctioned off. He was the Captain of the life-saving crew members and was responsible for managing all salvaged items. He searched the West End of the Island during the day, and I volunteered to assist him with his search at our end after supper.

Andrew was older than I was. He was highly educated on life-saving boat manoeuvers, passenger rescues from shipwrecks, ship cargo recovery, weather systems, shifting sandy sea beds surrounding the Island, the Continental Shelf 50 miles south, and the wireless communication between ships and the Central Station. As a result, over the years he had been awarded several medals of honor by the Shipwreck Fisherman and Marines Committee of the Royal Benevolent Society for saving lives.

His father, Mr. Blackadar, was my manager at the Central Station. My father, who was the East End Keeper of the Lighthouse, had made arrangements with Mr. Blackadar to employ me on my sixteenth birthday because both my parents had hoped for me to leave Sable Island and go to university after my seventeenth birthday. My duties at the office included filing, cleaning, preparing lunch, ordering provisions, and confirming shipping and receiving dates using wireless communication. As instructed, all communications I overheard between Mr. Blackadar and captains of passing ships, as well as conversations in the office were to be kept in the strictest of confidence from my family and islanders.

After turning seventeen on the first of April, I began planning my trip to Alberta to study law in the fall. I had been educated by my grandmother on the importance of defending the rights of the poor, ill, and imprisoned. On my fifth birthday, my grandmother gifted me with a book, 'Prisons and Prison Discipline' given to her by Dorothy Dix. When I was young, on the days I lay in bed with a fever, my grandmother would visit me and read her favorite book passages. She would also recount the day Ms. Dix came to Sable Island on business and stayed in her parent's house for a week.

My grandmother's lasting impression was not inherited by my mother and was pleased to entrust Ms. Dix's book to me, hoping it would be my ticket off Sable Island one day. It was also her firm belief that we are all living on borrowed land the Mi'kmaq's named Kespoogwitik, meaning where the land ends, hundreds of years ago. I was instructed not to forget it because this fact was never documented. After she taught me to read and write, I would lie in bed at night reading until the candle's light burned out.

This past winter, as she lay in bed with a fever, I brought my book and read her favorite passages to her. It gave her great delight when I also shared my favorites. During this time she bestowed words of wisdom that I will never forget. She said, "Katherine, I want you to remember your faults can be your greatest strength. Use them wisely." On the third night, she whispered to me before falling asleep, "Now Katherine, promise me you will use all of your abilities to help the less fortunate." I stood from the bedside chair and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. I softly replied in her ear, "I promise grandma."

"You'll need to dress for the weather Katherine. There's a cold wind with rain clouds coming in.", Andrew said as he patiently waited for me. We walked down the path through the tall grass, sharing our activities of the day until we reached the south side of the shoreline. His fellow crew members were in our sight, continuing the search because the tide was at its lowest exposing 10 miles of the sand bar. Andrew would only take me out a couple of miles before crossing to the north side and returning me home before sundown.

Walking back towards the lighthouse in the evening was less of a romantic stroll. We kept our eyes looking down because the Lighthouse Frensel's white light was blinding and flashed every five seconds. As we approached the path leading back up to my parent's house I was comforted knowing I would see him again tomorrow evening. I did see Andrew during the week when he would come into the office but there was no time for casual conversation. The past two weeks of evening outings forged a deeper friendship, but either one of us was ready to discuss it.

We turned our backs from the rising tide and crashing waves to walk up the beach towards the path when I saw a piece of driftwood partly covered in the sand. I pointed it out to Andrew and we investigated. To our surprise, it was the cover of a wooden chest. We got down on our knees on either side of it and began to remove the sand using our hands. It was no bigger than a toy chest. Andrew removed the remaining sand along both sides so he could gently grip the bottom and lift it out of its sandy grave.

The toy chest was removed and placed between us. In silence, we looked at each other when he said, "Would you like to open it, Katherine?" I swallowed and hesitantly rested my fingertips on its latch. With the light illuminating us every five seconds, I counted and waited for the next flash then opened the lid to reveal its contents. Before us was a beautiful doll and a letter. I first removed the letter from its envelope and sat next to Andrew. He leaned closer with his hand resting on the sand behind me, his strong arm provided shelter from the wind and support for my back. I opened the letter and he read it aloud.

April 14 / 12

Dear Annie,

Today truly is a special day. On your 5th Birthday, your Daddy has boarded the Titanic and is coming back home to you and Mummy.

I am bringing home a special doll for you as a promise that this will be my last voyage at sea.

I have named her Elizabeth also as a reminder that your Daddy was in London, England.

I shall be home soon to tuck you into bed and sing our favorite nursery rhyme, once again.

“Jack and Jill have equal will and strength and mind. But when it comes to Equal Rights poor Jill trails far behind.”

Be a good girl for Mummy, help her when you can and Daddy will be home very soon to take care of you both once again.

Happy Birthday my little Princess,

Love Daddy

I removed the doll from the toy chest, held it sitting on my lap, and looked at its delicate porcelain face.

I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself or from them coming out of my mouth. I said, "What a load of nonsense! I'm sure Mummy and Princess are doing just fine without Daddy taking care of them. What does he think they're doing while he's away? It's probably the only time they have to enjoy a little bit of freedom from his control and demands." I no longer felt the cold wind. My blood was boiling and racing through my veins like a wild horse from head to toe.

Andrew shifted his arm from behind my back and pushed himself to his feet with a heavy sigh. He brushed the sand off his pants and lowered the letter back into the toy chest. "All right now, the doll goes back in the chest and I'll bring it to the shelter for processing.", he said. I did return the doll to the toy chest and closed the lid but then I returned it to its sandy grave and began covering it with the sand we had removed. In his calm voice that only fueled my fire, he said, "Katherine, you know by law anything found on land must be turned in." I firmly replied, "Then I'll wait until the tide rises and takes it back out to sea where it belongs." I sat down on the beach right next to the hole with the toy chest in it looking out at the Atlantic Ocean coming in fast.

Andrew understood me too well. He said goodnight and would inform my father of my whereabouts. I calmed down after some time and as I stood to make my way back home, my father was slowly walking down the path towards me with his hands in his coat pockets. He stood before me looking for the toy chest and said, "All right now, where is it?" I told him I buried it and he released a long heavy sigh. Once again my lungs filled with air and I steamingly said, "What chance does a little girl have to grow up thinking and doing anything independently when she is being raised to be subservient?!"

My father reassuringly put his arm around my back, gently gripped me by the shoulder, and turned me around to see the path before me.