July 23rd

She blows out the candles ‘Happy birthday my beautiful boy’ she says.

I blow out the candles ‘Happy birthday our beautiful boy!’ My family says.

She sits down at the table and pulls out a photo. She looks at it and gently wipes away a tear.

She puts the photo down and gets up to grab a knife. She neatly cuts two slices of cake and puts them on two plates. She places a slice in front of an empty seat and sits down with the other one. ‘I wonder if he would have liked chocolate?’ She says to herself.

We ask the waiter to take a photo of us. Dad gently wipes away a tear while telling everyone how proud of me he is. He pulls out a photo of me as a baby. We all laugh at my big gummy smile and dark black hair standing up like a Troll doll.

My son quickly reaches out and grabs a handful of cake. Chocolate sponge goes flying and thankfully lands at an empty seat on the table next to us. The people sitting on the table do not look impressed. The cake is ruined but we don’t care. Instead we decide to grab a fork and just eat straight from the cake. I do love chocolate so it will be gone pretty quick!

She walks over to the couch and closes her eyes. She starts to think ‘What would he look like? Would he have had a beard? Would he have had children? Would he have married? Would he had been happy?’

We get home and decide to watch a movie on the couch. My son falls asleep in my arms. The champagne has given me a headache so I decide to close my eyes.

I think to myself ‘I need to do something about my grey hair. Oh and I need to trim my beard tomorrow.’ I look over to my son and wife. They make me the happiest man on earth

She gets up off the couch and walks to the bathroom. She starts brushing her teeth and looks into the mirror. It was thirty-five years since her son left her. She remembers his smile and the sound of his cry. She remembers his cuddle and the touch of his skin. She remembers his smell and his small hand wrapped around her fingers. She remembers the nurses coming in and taking him away. She remembers him screaming and the hurt and the pain her heart felt.

She remembers crying herself to sleep every night for a year.

She then wonders where he is. Does he thinks of her. Is he happy? Is he safe? Was he looked after? Was he loved as much as she would have loved him.

She gets into bed and curls up into the foetal position under the doona and cries herself to sleep. She has another twelve months to prepare herself for this date again.

I get up and go to the bathroom and start brushing my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror. It’s been thirty-five years since she left me. I wonder what she looks like. I wonder if she is still alive. Did she ever get married? Did she have more children? Did she hold me? Did she even get to see me? Does she even still think about me?

I get into bed and cuddle my wife until we fall asleep. Even though I am ageing, my birthdays keep getting better and I love spending it with those I love.

I have another twelve months to prepare for this date again.