Julian The Killer

Sir John Devilak believed in witches because he was a good and faithful Catholic and because he was married to one.

Lady Dolichena was a wicked, power-mad schemer who was constantly plotting to maneuver her husband into the vacant Barony of Suffolk left by the spectacular suicide of Hugh Boyle. On the 26th of June, year of our Lord 1281, Boyle fashioned an 8-foot cross out of gunpowder imported from Muslim Spain. Then he wrapped his arms around it and had his valet light the fuse.

Pieces of him were found for miles.

Some of the hungrier peasants considered the meat a blessing.

Lady Dolichena wanted Sir John to campaign for the Barony by spending time at King James III’s court. But Sir John hated James, whom he believed to be a drunk and a pervert and a minion of the Devil. This led to bitter conflict and recriminations. They fought over every issue, even the lives of their children.

When Julian was born on 5 April, year of our Lord 1286, he was the Devilak’s seventh surviving child. He was a sickly child with pigeon toes and what was at first thought to be both male and female sex organs.

Pale, almost albino, he had a grossly deformed jaw.

When Lady Dolichena first saw him, after her ladies washed the blood off her feet and thighs, she wept and cursed the one true God.

“Why have you forsaken me, Lord?” she cried out from the birthing bed. “I am a good and faithful Catholic! I martyr myself every day for your glory! You are supposed to give these terrifying little monsters to poor people! “

But when the midwife presented Julian to Sir John, he took to the child and felt a great love for him. Lady Dolichena, naturally, wanted to throw the child in the river.

“He is an abomination, John. Kill him. Save the world the trouble,” Lady Dolichena hissed at him during a copious bloodletting in the bathing chamber.

Sir John watched as the barber knelt by her hip, clutching a blade.

“He is my son, you vile pig. I will do no such thing.”

“The other boys will terrorize him. They will break his spirit. He will be a constant source of shame.”

“It will make him stronger. Feel free to take all of her blood, good doctor, she doesn’t need it…”

*

Julian grew into his awkward, ugly body and by the time he was seven years old, looked relatively normal. But Lady Dolichena was right. His 6 brothers did terrorize him. They made him wear women’s clothing, silks and bells and silver ringlets in his hair, and forced him to shove his fingers in the holes of many different animals.

They beat him unconscious and left him for dead at several different places around the county. But he somehow always made his way home. This gave Sir John a glimmer of hope and he made it a special mission to help Julian become a man.

He decided that his youngest son needed a companion, someone to help him in the manly arts of jousting and riding and hunting. He woke his youngest son one morning and told him to get dressed, that today was a special day.

Julian misunderstood his words, jumped out of bed and wrapped himself in a powder blue silk cape and put a crown of laurel leaves on his enormous head. Sir John stood in shamed silence while his youngest son danced around the room and spoke passionately about his poetry and all the love songs he would sing for the mighty King and lovely Queen.

“We’re going to the house of bastards to find you a boon companion,” Sir John said as Julian flung rose petals in the air.

“You are my boon companion, father!” Julian sang in a lilting contralto as they left the room.

“House of bastards! House of bastards!”

As they left the main gate and took to the south road, Sir John walked 10 paces ahead of Julian, who was prancing like a pony and waving his arms like an insane bird.

“I am walking with my father, my great and noble father, and we’re going to find a friend, someone for me to dance and sing with, someone to laugh and live with, who will be with me forever…”

Many of the peasants applauded and cheered, not because of Julian’s talent, but because they feared the terrible anger of Sir John. Julian soon tired and stopped singing as they walked in silence down the road to the House of Bastards, a long, low stone and straw house at the bend of the road and the river.

The proprietor, an awful-smelling rat-faced ex-priest named Royer, welcomed them with a deep bow and a disturbing flourish of his short fat arms.

“Welcome to my home, Sir John. To what do I owe the honor?”

“My son needs a friend.”

“You’ve come to the right place, my Lord. I have many good children here.”

“Line them up, Royer."

Royer picked up a stick and a tin pail and banged on it with vigor until 20 filthy, emaciated children spilled out of the house and lined up in the road. Sir John took one look at them and spit in the dirt.

“Are you feeding them, Royer?”

“Oh, yes, my Lord. Like little kings and queens I treat them.”

“If I find out you’ve been stealing from the poor, I’ll cut you in half.”

“Your terrible majesty precedes you, Sire.”

Sir John grabbed Julian by the neck and dragged him to the west end of the line, closest to the house. Standing there was a tall, lanky black-haired boy with no teeth named Andrew. Julian stepped up and stared deeply into his eyes.

“What of this one, Julian?”

“No father, he’s not right.”

They walked down the line and Julian turned down each one for a variety of reasons, until they came to the end of the line and found themselves standing in front of a short ugly boy squatting in the dirt and picking at the partially eaten corpse of a black bird. Julian patted him on the head and asked him his name.

“Edward, my young Lord.”

“Would you like to be my friend, Edward?”

“I would like that very much, my young Lord.”

“Then you shall be my friend, Edward.”

Julian turned to Sir John and said he wanted the little ugly boy for his companion. Sir John tried to convince him to take anyone else, but Julian’s mind was resolute, and he refused to back down even when Sir John threatened to have all the bastards killed if he didn’t choose someone else.

Sir John picked up Edward, put him on his shoulder and carried the ugly boy back to the castle. His son danced in circles in front of him, but this time he felt pride, because the boy stood up to him, he’d become a man…