Judge Me Not

Something had always felt missing in Alexs life leaving him with a sense of longing. Growing up he had a small family unit consisting of his mother, stepfather and himself. Throughout his life he had always been curious about his father, who disappeared when he was just a baby. The fact that his mother never talked about him and the lack of a connection with his stepdad made Alex feel lost. Despite this Alex had a childhood treasuring every moment spent with friends and creating wonderful memories that overshadowed the absence of his father.

It wasn't until school that Alex began to question his sexuality experiencing feelings of uncertainty and self discovery. Throughout his life he had felt somewhat disconnected from his friends but it wasn't until he developed a deep connection with a boy in his class that he truly understood himself as a gay man. Unsure of how his family would react he grappled with conflict and struggled to reveal his true identity.

Unexpectedly after than ten years, without contact Alexs biological father reached out to him.

During their fishing expedition Alexs father shared a revelation with him. He confessed that he had left because he had come to terms with being gay and couldn't cope with the pressure and expectations from his family and society.

Feeling shocked and bewildered Alex found it hard to believe that his father had gone through struggles to those he was currently facing. However amidst the confusion there was a sense of relief and solace in knowing he wasn't alone anymore. Having someone who understood his journey was a source of comfort for him.

Despite the nature of their conversation Alexs bond with his father grew stronger after this revelation. He appreciated how their fishing trip reconnected them and valued the support and acceptance he received from his father. This newfound closeness brought an end to the feeling of emptiness within him as he discovered an understanding of himself alongside a loving father who embraced him wholeheartedly.

As the sun dipped below the horizon painting Key Wests tranquil waters, in a mesmerizing hue 22 year old Alex sat on the dock gently skimming his feet over the crystal blue sea.

Fishing had always been his solace. Today was another day of seeking tranquility amidst the gentle rocking of the boat. However this day was different as there was a companion by his side. After than a decade apart the reunion with his biological father brought mixed emotions as they sat together their fishing lines dancing on the surface of the ocean.

A blend of bitter feelings washed over Alex as he recalled the unexpected message from his father, Mark a few weeks back. Tears welled up in his eyes mingling with memories of their relationship.

Alex; Hi, Dad. Its been some time since we last talked.

Mark; Yes it has indeed. I reached out to check in on how you've been doing.

Alex; Thanks for that gesture Dad. Honestly my emotions have been over lately.

Mark; I understand. I've been feeling a mix of emotions too. It's strange how time can alter things.

Alex; True. Receiving your message a weeks ago caught me off guard. It stirred up memories.

Mark; I know, son. Its been ages since we last connected. Time flies, by quickly—it feels like just yesterday and yet so much has changed.

I wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about you.

The weight of his fathers words hit Alex deeply. He felt a strong sense of gratitude knowing that he was being taken seriously. Referring to you as Dad seems like a task considering the emotional distance between us. Yet there's a hint of sadness intertwined with sweetness. Whenever I reflect on all the time lost I can't. Feel a pang of regret.

Mark; I share your sentiments, Alex. I wish things had been different in the past.. I hope we can now move forward and collaborate to set aside the past for both our benefits.

Alex; That's what I want too Dad. I've missed having you in my life. It's just tough to shake off the pain from before.

Mark; I understand, my son.. I apologize for any hurt caused. While we can't change the past I am committed to being, for you now.

Alex; Your honesty means a lot, Dad. Healing will take time. I'm willing to give it a shot.

Mark; That's all one could hope for, Alex.

Lets seize the moment and create memories together.

Alex; That sounds good Dad. Lets start afresh and work on our relationship.

They never really had a bond as Mark had left Alex and his mom when he was a baby. The quiet between them felt comforting, like an embrace.

After some time Mark turned to Alex. Said, "You know I've always wanted to take you fishing. Back when you were an one I used to take you out on my boat all the time."

Alex; Really? I had no idea you were into fishing.

Mark; Yeah it's something I've always wanted to do with you. It could be a way for us to spend quality time together.

Alex; That sounds nice. I've never tried fishing before. I'm open to it. My stepdad is into motorcycles and muscle cars.

Mark; That's awesome! We can plan a trip to the lake for the weekend. I'll bring all the gear we need.

Alex; Thanks, Mark. I'm grateful, for this opportunity. Looking forward to it.

Mark; I agree, Alex. This is going to be a moment we won't forget.

Alex looked at his father with surprise on his face. He always thought Mark had left because he didn't want to be a father.. There was more to the story that was yet to unfold.

Feeling a mix of excitement, nervousness, fear and happiness about reuniting with Mark. His father Alex grappled with the idea of calling him "Dad." It took some time for it to feel natural. It carried a sense of respect. However there was a resentment that Alex couldn't shake off.

As per their plan Mark arrived to pick up his son. Alex for their boat trip. Getting approval from Alexs mom. His ex wife wasn't easy as she had insisted on Mark spending time with his adult son. Mark felt anxious as he waited for this moment. He saw it as an opportunity to make amends and conquer the guilt that haunted him.

With years of experience, at sea Mark expertly navigated the boat through waters. The ocean mist splashed on their faces as they moved ahead smoothly.

With movements he introduced Alex to the 29 foot long Contender TM, a sleek boat powered by the gentle hum of two four stroke Yamaha Outboard engines.

Excitedly Alex stepped onto the vessel sinking comfortably into the angler seats that embraced their body. Their gaze wandered over the designed aft fish boxes appreciating their elegant appearance. The subtle blend of saltwater scent and fresh ocean breeze enhanced the moment.

Mark prepared himself diligently. Departed from the dock with determination searching for that perfect spot in deeper waters to reel in some fish. As Alex observed the surroundings soft country tunes played on the radio in the background setting a calming atmosphere for contemplating a secret he longed to share with his father.

While they conversed and fished together Alex couldn't shake off a lingering sense that his father had something to reveal. It was Marks demeanor—the lines above his eyes and the slight twitch of a muscle, at the corner of his mouth—that gave it away.

As dusk approached and painted colors across the sky faded away Mark turned towards Alex. Confessed "I left because I was afraid—afraid of judgment afraid of facing my true self."With each passing second Alex could feel his heart pounding faster and faster the sound resonating in his ears. There had always been a lingering sense within him that he was an outsider in his stepfamily as if he didn't quite fit in. Now sitting beside his father the weight of it all became clear to him.

In the weeks leading up to this journey Mark had been grappling with a sense of guilt that needed addressing—no he needed to share his truth. He had kept his distance because he wanted to avoid disrupting Alexs life and ensure he had stability within the family.

Mark was well aware of the realities faced by people like him. He had experienced firsthand the biases and judgments that existed in the world.

"I'm gay " Mark confessed softly above a whisper. The wind gently brushed against them on the deck creating a sensation overhead as if nature itself was diffusing the tension.

Emotions surged through Alex as he sat beside his father. He had never felt truly connected to anyone, in his family before. Now it felt like he had finally found someone who truly understood him. Tears welled up like an overflowing pool.

"I'm gay too " Alex trembled as he spoke out loud.

Mark was taken aback at first. A faint smile crept onto his face. "I had a hunch " he responded.

Reflecting on a conversation with Alexs mother about concerns of Alex being somewhat reserved and not having romantic relationships Mark saw similarities to his own past struggles.

In a moment Alex found the freedom to be true, to himself as his father embraced his authentic identity without reservation.

As they chatted by the sea with the refreshing ocean breeze enveloping them Alex closed his eyes. Breathed in deeply feeling a sense of peace and belonging. Suddenly he impulsively leaped into the water.

Reacting swiftly Mark dove in after him. Their laughter echoed across the water as they surfaced releasing the days tension and emotions into the embrace of the ocean.

Mark; ( splashing water) Hey Alex! You alright?

Alex; (coughing lightly) Yeah I'm good now. What a plunge!

Mark; (grinning) Couldn't leave you hanging all alone could I?

Alex; (chuckling) Definitely not.

Thank you for helping me out there.

Mark; (jokingly) Helping me? It's like tagging along on your impromptu adventure! Maybe a spontaneous baptism?

Alex; (chuckling) Touche.. Seriously today has been so full on. This laughter is what I needed. I don't really vibe with the whole church scene.

Mark; (agreeing) Same. It's incredible how the ocean can just wash away all the stress and pressure.

Alex; ( splashing water) Lets linger here a bit longer savoring this moment.

Mark; (with a smile) Absolutely. No more fretting, joy and soothing water.

After they settled down they swam back, to the boat. Relaxed on the deck. Alex gazed at his father. Asked, "Why did you leave? Why were you gone for long?"

Mark took a breath and replied, "I was afraid. Afraid of what your mother would think, afraid of my familys reaction. Most of all I dreaded losing you. I didn't want you to face a world where people judged you for being yourself."

Tears welled up more in Alexs eyes as he absorbed his fathers heartfelt words.

He had long believed that Mark had abandoned him. Now he realized his father had been looking out for him.

As the evening progressed, father and son. Chuckled, making up for lost time. On the drive to Alexs place Mark pledged to visit more frequently. Alex taking the plunge symbolized a start and renewal especially considering his lack of swimming skills.

From then on Alexs bond with his father transformed. They spoke on the phone every week. Mark made sure to visit for special occasions and holidays.

Alexs stepfamily didn't react well to his sexuality news. Alex remained unfazed. He had discovered acceptance and love from the one person he truly craved it from. His father.

Mark had one surprise for his son. He bared a tattoo on his shoulder that read "Judge Me Not" with a heart containing an "A." Alex beamed and they shared a warm embrace.

As they sat side by side on the pier watching the sunrise, over the sea Alex felt like he had finally found his family.