It’s all about you

Once upon a time there was a funny boy called colton Clifford. He was on the way to see his Tommy Humble, when he decided to take a short cut through Greenton Woods.

It wasn't long before colton got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Molly, but Molly was nowhere to be found! colton began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Molly. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a yellow badger dressed in a yellow waistcoat disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought colton.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed badger. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, colton reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from butternut squashes, a house made from crisps, a house made from muffins, a house made from macarons, a house made from macarons and a house made from toffees.

colton could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

colton looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving colton a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Molly!

"Molly!" shouted colton. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Molly back!" cried colton.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Molly out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, five yellow badgers rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. colton recognised the one in the yellow waistcoat that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Badger," said the witch.

"Good morning." The badger noticed Molly. "Who is this?"

"That's Molly," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Molly would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the badger.

The witch shook her head. "Molly is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." colton interrupted. "Molly lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Badger ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Badger looked at the house made from toffees and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from toffees if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next badger. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Molly."

colton watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Molly to Big Badger. He didn't think Molly would like living with a yellow badger, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other four badgers watched while Big Badger put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Badger. "Just you watch!"

Big Badger pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from crisps. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Badger started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of crisps, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Badger.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Badger never finished eating the front door made from crisps and Molly remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Badger stepped up, and approached the house made from muffins.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Badger. "Just you watch!"

Average Badger pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from muffins. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After a while, Average Badger started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

   ...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a badger!" said Average Badger.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Badger, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the badger away under his arm.

Average Badger never finished eating the front door made from muffins and Molly remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Badger stepped up, and approached the house made from macarons.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Badger. "Just you watch!"

Little Badger pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from macarons. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Badger started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating macarons for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Badger into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Badger. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Badger was never seen again.

Little Badger never finished eating the front door made from macarons and Molly remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Tiny Badger stepped up, and approached the house made from macarons.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Tiny Badger. "Just you watch!"

Tiny Badger pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from macarons. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

However, on the next mouthful, the food fell straight out of Tiny Badger's mouth. She tried to stuff in another forkful of macarons, but once again, the food fell out. There just wasn't enough room left in her belly.

"This is just not fair!" declared Tiny Badger, and stomped off into the forest.

Tiny Badger never finished eating the front door made from macarons and Molly remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Even-Tinier Badger stepped up, and approached the house made from toffees.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Even-Tinier Badger. "Just you watch!"

Even-Tinier Badger pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from toffees. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Suddenly, Even-Tinier Badger stopped eating and started dancing. While he danced, he sang at the top of his lungs, "Toffees! Watch me eat all the toffees!"

"It looks as though the toffees are making you hyperactive," laughed the witch.

"Oh no they're not!" cried Even-Tinier Badger. "I'm always this excited." With that, he walked into a tree.

Bong!

Even-Tinier Badger banged his head and fell backwards onto his bottom. He passed out, exhausted.

Even-Tinier Badger never finished eating the front door made from toffees and Molly remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Molly."

"Not so fast," said colton. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from butternut squashes. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the badgers. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said colton.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Molly back."

colton ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from butternut squashes and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

colton sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained colton. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When colton's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from butternut squashes. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, colton was down to the final piece of the door made from butternut squashes. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. colton had eaten the entire front door of the house made from butternut squashes.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Molly or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

colton hurried over and grabbed Molly, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Molly was unharmed.

colton thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Tommy. It was starting to get dark.

When colton got to Tommy's house, his threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Tommy. "You are very late."

As colton described his day, he could tell that Tommy didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Tommy.

colton unwrapped a doorknob made from crisps. "Pudding!" he said.

Tommy almost fell off his chair.