Is Karma A Bitch?

Is Karma A Bitch?

When it seems that the cause of one's pain is other humans, a favorite phrase of many, commonly offered in support or solidarity is, “Karma’s a BITCH!”

I muse about this a lot.

The idea of Karma, according to the dictionary (because I am not a theologian) is: (in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences. (Dictionary.com)

So let’s unpack this. “Karma’s a bitch!” is something I have definitely heard screamed, yelled, and hatefully spat toward an offending party.

Say it is true. Say Karma is the biggest bitch, the bitchiest bitch who ever bitched. Does Karma want to be a part of your vigilante hate squad, balancing the cosmic scales of good and evil? Does Karma want to sit on your shoulder like a parrot with a bad attitude, while you play hateful hype man? I don’t practice Hinduism or Buddhism but I am going to make a leap here and say I don’t think that is how this works.

If you WANT Karma to be “a bitch” to someone, doesn’t that, in theory, result in Karma being a bitch to YOU?

Karma may be a bitch. But ultimately, shouldn’t Karma be what YOU make it?

I don’t believe in Karma in this way, because I don’t see life as fair. I don’t see that good balances evil. I’m not able to make sense out of tragedies, on a micro-level or a global level.

I DO believe in resilience, and in fate and destiny, but I also believe that even though I can’t control the weather conditions of life, I have both of my hands firmly on the steering wheel, and my foot can pump the breaks or press the gas.

I don’t care if Karma is a bitch. I don’t live in a reality in which the world owes me anything, and I’m certainly no cosmic snitch, trying to make sure that some other human out there is due to get a spiritual ass whooping. Karma might be a bitch, but Karma is not an ally.

Sometimes life is hard. Stating it as such may seem trite or simple, but it just IS. LIFE IS HARD. And life is unfair. And life is precious and beautiful, and all of the things in between.

I gave up trying to control or police others, and I focus fully on trying to feel better, or do better, or be better.

I practice not letting other people’s problems bother me. I practice protecting my mind. I practice protecting my heart. I surround myself with goodness, and try to feel the goodness and be good for as long as I can each day. And it is hard. It is really hard, because people don't do what they are supposed to do, when they are supposed to do it. And people like me (like us, probably, if you are reading this you get it) are carrying those fools in the Group Project of Life, because we just want to do what we can to limit our lives to the NORMAL sort of problems, and not create additional problems for ourselves.

I have the personality of a saint. This is not a brag but an actual result of some kind of seemingly official personality test I took for a job application of some kind. I think that it means I excel at altruism and idealism but probably come up short in other areas in the realm of “self-care,” "decisive leadership," and “putting up with way too much crap”.

I moved to New York in my 30’s and that helped remedy some of my lack of backbone; maybe that isn’t the way to phrase it because I have always been very principled, but also seem to have been born feeling a massive amount of guilt and inadequacy. I was also a female in the American south, which in and of itself is an entire unspoken craft of passive-aggressive-syrupy-sweetness to act as a delicious candy shell with which to encase the cauldron of rage behind the "Bless your heart!" comments.

Once, when I was already a young adult, my dad asked me in an exasperated tone, “Why are you so guilty all the time? We aren’t Jewish!”.

Like many neurosis, it all started with my being involved in a conservative religion during my formative years.

To summarize, it was explained that I, like all humans, was both a worthless piece of crap AND loved deeply by God, who showed me mercy by forgiving me for all of my wrongdoings EVEN THOUGH what I really deserved was to be punished eternally, because I was born human and no human can be perfect though God is perfect.

As a result, I felt really guilty all of the time. Being a worthless piece of crap deserving of an eternity in hell weighed heavily on my mind. Not wanting to be sentenced to hell by an oversight, I sought God’s input on all manner of decisions ranging from teen boyfriends to a course of study at University, because I was aspiring child of a God who was at turns described as a “loving heavenly Father” and a deeply disappointed and possibly angry, well, God/deity. Which version of God you might encounter or awaken was unpredictable, like a box of scary, eternal chocolates.

I am still a very black and white thinker, which serves me well in certain instances like bargain hunting and business dealings, but is less useful in terms of human relationships of any kind.

I have a tiny rebellious streak in my heart; I love and obey rules IF (and only if) I understand the REASON for the rules. It bothers me greatly when things don’t make sense. BUT for the most part, I like to have a semblance of rules because I like to know what to expect.

So, while I might have dressed in an unconventional style, I also had perfect attendance at school from 4th grade until high school graduation. I was always on Honor Roll, I agreed to Just Say No to drugs and alcohol, and I signed the True Love Waits pledge (actual tagline: Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder).

I like to know that my contract requires I have a lunch break after 4 hours on the clock. I like knowing that if I write 5,000 words a day, my employer will be happy and consider me for a promotion. I like knowing that if I collect 300 Kool-Aid points, I can earn the Wacky Wall Clock (which I did).

I brought this logic and reasoning to my romantic relationships. Sorry to spoil it, but it did not turn out well. I will tell you more about that in the future, and I assure you that it has nothing to do with Karma.