In This Existence

“You know, Charlotte, I really appreciate you doing this for me.”

“It’s no problem at all, Felix. You have had a rough life, this past year being the worst. You need someone to talk to and what better person is there than one of your best friends.”

The two friends were on their way back from the telescope tower, enjoying the conversation that had recently taken place. Nothing was as they wanted things to be and neither individual had enough strength to cope with that for as long as they had. Rebecca was with Don and Ed was infatuated with Lily. They really did not want to screw all of their ties up to where they could not be mended so what other option did they have other than to sit back and watch as their lives gradually fell apart. Charlotte and Felix were all out of options.

“You really understand what I am going through and for that I owe you everything,” Felix assured in a strong voice.

“That’s nonsense, Felix. You owe me nothing. But if you did, than I would owe you everything as well and then where would we be?” Charlotte smiled, confident that he would not be able to argue her point. “This is what friends do. They help each other out when they need it. You needed help and so did I. It’s a favor, Felix, not a payment.”

“Too bad Ed is not being a better friend…” Felix muttered under his breath, slight anger rising in his face and tone. He turned toward Charlotte’s broken expression and immediately regretted what had slipped from his mouth. “Oh, Char, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just he’s out there running around while you and I wallow in our own misery. It’s not fair and I mean that realistically. He’s hurting you! And he’s not doing anything to help me out either.”

“But do you think that this is really something that he can help us with? Felix, I have fallen for him; he can’t solve my problems. Let him be happy if it’s what he wants. That’s all that I want for him. And you? Do you really think that he would be comfortable trying to assist you with your needs? I don’t really think so. Rebecca’s his sister; personally I feel that that would be quite awkward.”

Felix sighed beside her, stopping to run slender fingers through his thick pile of ebony hair. Charlotte halted in her steps as well, unsure of his next move.

“Felix, I-“

"I can’t stand this anymore, Char! I just- I can’t!”

Charlotte bobbed her head and shuffled her anxious feet. “I know.”

“You are so torn and I am so torn…is this really how we are supposed to live our lives?”

“Not forever, Felix. Just until things work out and everything.”

“And when will that be?”

"Who knows, but we can do this. I know we can! Let’s get through this together.”

The massive heartbreak and immense torment was too overwhelming to witness.

Felix threw his back against one of the cold stone wall and slapped his face with both of his calloused hands. He let out another sigh, this one uneven and off pitch. “I am so stupid, Char! Of course we can get through this. We always have been able to get through things when we feel that we have no chance. Why should this be any different?”

Charlotte smiled and let out an insignificant laugh. “I knew you would come to your senses.”

Felix brought his hands away from his face and grinned widely. “And I knew that you would be the one to help me get there.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes and tried to stop herself from breaking out into a full beam. “Stop it, Felix; you don’t have to compliment me. I didn’t do anything.”

“But you did. You were there for me when I needed you and that is more than anyone else has ever done. You are always there; always. I cannot thank you enough for that.”

Charlotte simply stared at the smooth marble floor and mumbled a hasty “thank you.”

“You are the most amazing friend that anyone could ever have. I love you for that.”

Charlotte brought her eyes up to Felix’s and immediately something changed inside of her. Ed was no longer buzzing in the front of her mind, or her fingers, or her toes. He was not gnawing at her heart to go flutter after him when she next saw him. Instead, he was invisible- or gone. She was not sure but the thought was more confusing than anything. How could this have happened?

But the connection did not stop. Emerald eyes pierced brown and a weight was lifted from both of their shoulders.

Where was Ed when you need him? One glance at the man that she had fallen for over the years and Charlotte would be his again. One brush of his arm and things would never be the same.

But he was not there. He was not here. It was almost as if he no longer existed.

Felix felt the same.