In The End We All Fall In Order To Get Back Up Again.

It was the summer of ‘09 when I almost lost everything and embraced life with all of its ups and downs. My family would always go down to our lake house in Oregon. This summer my parents were finally fed up and decided to part ways. Since their divorce wasn’t finalized yet the whole family went. There’s my oldest sister Rosa, the second oldest sister Tulip, then me Aspen, and my baby sister Dahlia. Upsettingly I’m the only boy in a family of girls, I’m usually ignored because my parents adore my sisters.

On the ride down there’s a strong tension in the car, Rosa was always mad at my dad for something especially since finding out about what he did. This time she blew up when her boyfriend wasn’t able to come along. My parents are a whole other story, I still quite don’t understand what happened but then again they don’t like to tell us much. It took them a year to tell us they’ve been speaking with a lawyer about it. I did have my feelings once and a while, but I noticed my mom gradually declining as the weeks went on. Her being our mom tried to hide it for as long as she could but I can see through her very well, the girls on the other hand tend to be a bit slower. They were surprised when we were all sat down to hear the news.

Our dad was the first to ask who wanted to go where and then proceeded to slam his wife through the mud by saying we would have more fun and opportunities with him. My mom just sat in silence as he paraded his lecture, Rosa was the first to leave in disbelief. She wouldn’t talk to my dad for months because she knew it was his doing. She’s been with our parents longer than all of us so she’s aware of dad’s history. Our little sister was just two at the time so she didn’t understand much, she just sat on my lap playing with my dark curly hair. Tulip began crying as she always does in tough situations begging them not to go through with it. My mom couldn’t take it so she went into the kitchen before she was flooded with emotion.

Dad has been the bad guy for almost three years now, it’s never been the same since that day. So I didn’t know what to expect on this trip, I was hoping I would get to spend time with Noah again to take my mind off of everything. When we arrived at the lake house everyone spent the day settling in, we learned that night over pizza we would be staying for a month. Almost the whole summer because dad wanted us all to spend one last time with each other as a family. As predicted my mom didn’t speak much, come to think of it at all the whole trip.

She would eat, clean up after us, ask if we kids needed anything, and then she would sit at the edge of the dock with her feet in the lake reading her favorite book. I would occasionally bring her a snack, and tea and then kept her company for the rest of the night till she was ready to go in. We didn’t talk much after she asked me about my day and kissed me on my forehead. Then we would sit there with my head on her shoulder as she flipped through the pages of her ten-year-old book. She’s read it so many times I can bet she could read it to me by heart.

This one night my dad came home really late if I remember correctly it was almost four in the morning. I got out of bed because I heard claws tapping on the downstairs window, it was the neighborhood homeless cat everyone agreed with the name Betsy. She ran away when my dad unlocked the door and crept in. I met him as I stepped into the living room which connected to the front door. He seemed shocked to see me, almost embarrassed but a little relieved. Probably because he was expecting it to be my mom.

I remember asking him where was he this time of night and that was the night I’d lost all respect for him. He stood there with a grin painted across his face, half bending over to knock off his sloppy tied shoes. I could see the marks of lipstick smeared around his lips, face, and neck. It’s as if he wasn’t even trying to hide it, what if it was my mom and not me. I began to understand my mom’s deep depression she was being betrayed right in front of her face by a man with no remorse for her feelings or the lives of his children. He tried to wrap his arm around me and laughed as I pushed him away in disgust he was despicable.

I stayed away from my dad after that night, everyone noticed immediately and always asked me what happened. I could never say, I wouldn’t want to embarrass my mom any more than he already had. My mom even asked if I was okay and if he had done anything to me and that I could tell her. I refused to let what I saw pass my lips, I tried my best the rest of the trip to make my mom smile in some way. It was hard the first few days but eventually, I was able to get some sort of happiness out of her.

The local fair arrived a day early to prepare for the number of people who were vacationing this summer. I wanted to take my mom with us but I was rejected, she kissed my forehead and smiled heavenly as she said she wanted us to enjoy ourselves without the burden of her depression. So our dad drove us all there and everyone parted ways, only Dahlia and Tulip stayed with dad. I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom that day everywhere I looked I saw something she either loved or enjoyed doing. I would think to myself of what she would say if she were with me right now.

I got the idea of getting her a snow cone one of mom’s favorite summertime treats but I decided against it because I knew it would be melted when we got back. I went with her second favorite a crispy powdery funnel cake, she told me about the time when her dad would take her to this fair. They would buy so much junk food and sit at the dock together by our lake house. I thought it was going to be a great gesture hoping it would lift her spirits. My friend Noah offered to give me a ride on his bike since he was heading back home himself. We only lived ten minutes away but the cake was kind of cold when he dropped me off on my street. I thanked him and began my five-minute walk to the lake house.

When I reached home the sun was about an hour from setting, I could see my mom sitting at the dock reading. My heart fluttered as a smile showed on my face, I sped up my walking getting excited to show her what I’d brought her. She finally finished her old book placing it beside her, she just looked up and stared into the distance watching the sun glaze against the surface of the lake. She stood up as I walked onto the beginning of the dock with her hands at her sides. I felt a knot in my chest as I began to feel anxious. As I walked up to her I saw her eyes were closed with tears falling down her face. I held onto her arm and asked her if she was okay, she seemed spooked as if she wasn’t aware I was around.

She smiled gently and hugged me as hard as she ever had before. She wiped her face with her sleeve and asked me how did my day go at the fair. I explained it wasn’t the same without her and that the family wasn’t together anyhow. I hesitantly handed her the funnel cake and told her I wanted her to enjoy something that had a happy memory attached to it so she wouldn’t be so sad all the time. We sat down at the dock after she had brought me in for another hug and kissed my forehead. She told me she always appreciated how I would look out for her and that I was a great kid.

Together we finished the funnel cake while she told me stories of her family as a child they were always fun, crazy, and exciting. Nothing compared to ours, as the sun began to set she stared off into the darkness in silence. The thought of her standing there when I arrived made me wonder what would’ve happened if I had never come. What was she doing or even thinking about? How damaged she was to have such thoughts to the point it makes her cry so deeply she feels she has to hold it back. It made me upset to see how much pain she was really in, mom was always great at hiding it.

When dad and my siblings got back to the house we all sat down for the last night in our lake house. No one was talking except for Tulip and Dahlia, it wasn’t uncomfortable as before more so an environment of acceptance. I think that was the night everyone knew what was going to happen when we got back home. Dad told us to be packed by tomorrow morning because we were leaving at eleven so we can make it past the traffic and be home sooner. In the morning after I finished helping mom pack up the car, I walked over to the dock and fixated on the view of the morning light shattering against the rushing lake waters dancing by the force of the strong winds. I looked beside myself distracted by a tap on my ankle, it was my mom's old book cover slapping against my leg from the wind. The pages fluttered back and forth I was surprised my mom left it out here all night. A knot formed in my stomach thinking about that evening I spent with my mom, I wondered if she came back out when everyone was asleep. I picked up the book to read the cover ‘In The End We All Fall.’

I inhaled deeply as I held the book to my chest, from that day I decided to stick by my mom's side I could never go back to living with my dad, not after that night. The honk of the car interrupted my thoughts, my mom waved me over with a smile across her face a genuine smile. Was she really happy? I asked myself, I always wondered if I saved her or helped in changing her mind but I could never muster up the courage to ask. I eventually didn’t want to ask with the fear I would bring back unwanted memories.

Rosa and I decided to stay with our mom she of course had to take Dahlia because she was only five and our dad made it very clear he wasn’t dealing with that load. When their divorce was finalized my mom was able to get a good chunk of change for the abuse she sustained with the help of Rosa. My dad tried to leave our mom with nothing saying she didn’t deserve it because she was just a burden and a terrible wife who never did anything. I was too young to appear in court but I was able to have a written statement which was read by an attorney who was my voice. Rosa appeared with tears, frustration, and disgust from what I was told by my grandmother anyway. Rosa came to me eventually and shared what she had told them, she wished I was there because I knew mom more than anyone.

At the end of it, the lake house was transferred to my mom and she moved us all down to Oregon after she received the okay from her lawyer. It took a few months for us to settle in, reorganize the house and get rid of anything with bad memories. Mom got a full-time job at some government agency in town, Rosa and I started school together while Dahlia went to a local daycare.

Rosa eventually started a part-time job, I began volunteering at Noah’s animal shelter, and about a year into living in Oregon we were all happy, truly happy. Every summer Tulip would come down to see us, we would all go to the local fair the girls would have a blast while mom and I would buy our yearly funnel cakes and sit at the dock on our lake house.

The summer of ‘09 had shaped me into the man I am today, I would say I wouldn’t change it for anything but a part of me wishes my mom didn’t have to endure that absurdity. I’m just grateful I went back that evening to be with her or I wouldn’t be able to go down to Oregon every summer to sit at that dock with my mom eating our favorite fair food; funnel cake. Funnel cake with a strong meaning of love, strength, and FREEDOM.