how You make me Feel...

So it always starts like this right?

You looked at me, and I back at you, and all of a sudden there was a connection, or maybe there wasn't, maybe I was just kidding myself from the beginning and there was a fly in your face and you looked my way. Or maybe the sun that was shining in from the window was so blinding that you had to turn your head and just happened to face my way.

Either way I caught your attention and somehow now we are a thing.

Woah woah woah, there is so much more to it than that though, right?

Well yes there is, ups and downs, backs and forths, lefts, a few more lefts and then a right. But do you really want to know about it all? (Insert sort of long pause so you get to decide) Ok well fine, I guess I'll tell you already.

Yes, he was gorgeous, and still is, and we even knew each other in a past life, years before, but barely at all. So I guess you couldn't ever say love at first sight because the first sight could have been caught glances in hallways, or on the track field when I wasn't watching, but the world may never know, and that's only because you are so in your head about everything, which is somehow still hot. I don't even know if any of this is making sense, but somehow words just fall out of my mouth when I'm with you. (That's how I think of him, as if I'm talking directly to him, but what girl doesn't do that when crushing on a guy?)

So then we met again, on apps but couldn't hold up a conversation enough to make it last, and it was barely even something I could remember. The only significance about it is that he went from being on my phone, someone from so long ago, to coming into my life, a physical body. So then like two years later we meet in person again, randomly at a mutual friend's party thing.

Ok so this might start to get a little confusing, so for the sake of sanity let's call this dude "7," don't ask me why, it's just too many letters are associated with old flings and exes so I'm not even touching the alphabet. And I know what you're thinking now, wow Claudy, you seriously couldn't use any letter to code for this guy's name because you've had that many bad flings the letters remind you of someone's name??? Well no, not really, it's just that "7" somehow suits him.

So "7" and I met at this random boat party as mentioned and we are now a thing. But it took a little while to get there, and it's also super unconventional how it all happened. I honestly didn't even think he'd remember me upon seeing me, but he seemed to.

We made very very small talk at first, and only really exchanged glances, but once we got a little more comfortable, and each had a shot we were both a little more talkative. I'm honestly surprised he wanted to talk at all since I'm pretty sure I ghosted him on the dating app because he didn't respond in time to my liking and I deleted my app (well I actually deleted my app because I started dating a another guy that I met on the app, but then we ended that stupid fling and I never re-downloaded it). So back to it..."7" and I were chatting, and there was this other really pretty chick there that I thought he'd be way more into, so I was laying low for my terms and just playing it cool. But he kept coming back to my area to talk and have fun.

So naturally we were all having a great time at this boat party and even hung around another party group that sort of became part of ours. This big mesh of people was really random but exciting, new faces, sounds and bodies all dancing. So there we were dancing with these other people and I almost fell but "7" sort of caught me and I'm telling you, in the lighting his golden yellow green eyes were the most beautiful gems I had ever seen. They just lit up, as if with his eyes were telling me "it's ok, I have you, and wow you're so pretty Claudy." But of course that was all in my head. Oh and did I forget to mention how he rescued me from being swept away by a current of partiers? It was like somehow he knew I didn't really need a knight in shining armor, that even if my dress ripped I'd still be the kind of princess to save myself, but at the same time, having his help was welcome. He just came over, found me and brought be back to our group.

It was really refreshing how a guy could be so helpful and looking out for me, both figuratively and literally.

So the rest of the night goes by and we party around each other, get lost in the music, get separated every once in a while but keep finding our way back to one another. Then as the others from our group seemed to be mingling with each other and challenging each other to new things, we got caught in this weird situation.

So this other girl who was single, and made mention of it quite a few times how she wanted to date someone so badly, was challenged to a chicken fight against another couple there, using "7" as her lift. If you know what a chicken fight is you can understand how this would be a little weird for me, but whatever I wasn't really thinking of wanting to date "7" at the time so I wasn't all that phased. So they worked together to beat the other couple, this single girl on "7's" shoulders. And while it felt a little odd that him and I had talked all night, and we seemed to have a connection, I knew he wasn't attached to me, he was free to leave and mingle with anyone else he wanted, as was I. So I watched it play out and it was pretty funny to see the other couple get creamed twice by "7" and this girl. But then "7" came over to me and was like "ok now we have to cream them."

And I thought to myself there is no way this is going to work, I am too heavy for you, and your shoulders. I would feel terrible if you had to deal with my weight on your body. And I'm really not that heavy, but I do have muscle, it's just me. But he insisted and made it like a challenge too, stating that he was sure he could handle me. So I caved and matched the other couple in another round of chicken fight atop "7's" shoulders. We didn't win, which kind of made me feel bad for both of our egos but I thought, it's not like this game really matters. So we ended the game and all laughed about playing chicken fight at a party. We then went back to our big group, but I couldn't stop thinking about how I was just sitting on "7's" shoulders and how he is so strong for being able to hold me up. Like wow that was pretty hot too.

Geez, and with every cute thing he does I become more of a mess for him. Like this is bad guys, I had just gotten out of a really odd, yet short relationship about 2 months before this. Could it really be that easy to move on? Well that other guy lied to me and it was awful, so after just a month of dating I called it quits because I found out about the lies and said heck to the no. Sometimes for the sake of caring for yourself you have to move on from someone even if they "love" you, and so I did with that other guy, and here I was with a new handsome dude, super chill and seemingly interested in me.

But now I was starting to see myself catching a feeling for "7." And that is so like me, to be given a glance or a little bit of attention from a really hot guy and think woah he's so into me, are we going to date now? Which is so juvenile, yes I am fully aware it is, so thanks for the judgement while reading, and probably re-reading that, but whatever. Hey at least I know myself, I am aware of what I do. Most people can't say that.

But there I was, at this part of the night, after having been on his shoulders, saved from crowds, caught from a fall, and seeing him again after what seemed like a lifetime and a virtual meeting up for 2 seconds. So I just thought to myself, could this be one of those meant to be moments, like no matter how much I try to run from it, it's just going to follow me till I crack?

I'm honestly still not sure, but after having talked a little more and exchanging phone numbers over a comment I made about music, we seemed to hit it off.

We made it back to my friend’s house just a short boat ride away from the inlet we were all just swimming in. As the night is coming to a close and every one from our party is getting more and more tired from the dancing, picture taking and chicken fighting we fell to the couches present and chatted as a group. One of my best guy friend's girlfriend fell asleep on the couch after about an hour of us talking. One by one people started to leave, the single girl left for a university group project she had to go finish and the other couple had a long drive ahead, but "7", myself and the other couple stayed. Once my best guy friend, who I've known for almost 10 years realized that his girlfriend fell asleep on the couch we all decided that it was probably time to go home. I didn't have a car with me because I knew I'd be drinking, and after some back and forth about whether or not I should get an uber, "7" said he would be cool with driving me home. And so we went, into the darkness and onto the road. We chatted even more about possibly seeing each other again, joked about the day, and when we got to my building I think I can remember giving him a kiss on the cheek, or maybe a Hungarian style goodbye with a kiss on each cheek, feeling how ever close our lips were when going from side to side.

And so I went upstairs with the notion that this guy might like me, but that I can't afford to get attached right now. Check back next week, when you find out how badly I caved in this area.