How to: Put Your Pants On

The two-holed conundrum has baffled billions. Over the course of our existence, we have done our best to conquer this issue. Many solutions have been proposed but none have solved the problem. The mere fact that you are reading this proves the existential crisis that we all struggle with on a daily basis (except for that one day we spent watching all of the LOTR extended editions).

Some of us think we've figured it out. Others have ignored this topic. Still others are apathetic to this global dilemma. But we all know it's there. We all know it will forever be a debate. How do YOU put YOUR pants on?

The classic, and most divisive way is obviously one leg at a time, but such a simple act can be split into many different variations. Do you go right leg, then left; or left, then right? Do you pull the pant leg up above the knee before you go for the other leg? Do you tiptoe in with one foot, then the other and jump up while simultaneously pulling up on the waistband to shove your feet through the holes? Do you sit down until both feet are through and then stand up to cover your backside?

The choices are seemingly endless. I've broken them down for you into three popular choices.

The "One Leg at a Time" (OLAT)

Though there are many iterations of the OLAT method, the only important decision you need to worry about is which leg first.

Studies have shown that left-handed people put their right leg in first. Whereas right-handers put their left leg in first. If you don't think this is true, take your pants off right now* and put them back on, cognizant of which leg goes in first. Then, take them off again and try the other way. Chances are it's going to feel weird. Don't worry, you're normal!

*If you are at work, I recommend going to the bathroom for this, or finding a secluded corner, or trying it in front of your coworkers and asking them how they do it.

The "Bunny Hop" (tBH)

To be honest (😉), this one seems dangerous, but we've seen it done in movies. The problem is that it almost always ends in the still-pantsless person falling over. If you are a risk-taker though, The Bunny Hop method is for you. You simply place both feet in the legs and start hopping up and down while pulling up. This is especially effective with pants that are almost too tight or if you're one of those people with a large amount of fat on the buttocks and it takes a concerted effort to "pack them buns in them jeans". (Here's a word I bet you didn't know! steatopygia)

The "Scrunch"

This one is tailored for stretchy pants. It's important to get your foot through the hole before you start pulling up. The Scrunch method has you scrunching up the pants so the entire waist-to-ankle section fits between your thumb and forefinger. You then slip your entire foot through the portal you've just opened up and proceed to stretch the portal from your ankle up to your waist (please excuse my nerd analogy). Many of us use this very technique when we put on longer socks. It does come with its downsides though. Easily wrinkled pants obviously pose a problem as well as pants with a large amount of thick fabric. But in this post-pandemic world of athleisure clothing options, the Scrunch is inching its way towards the top!

The Takeaway

There are obviously a slew of strategies out there vying for a top position amongst the most popular methods, but the OLAT, the Bunny Hop, and the Scrunch have stepped forward into the limelight as the most efficient means to put your pants on. But just as the best wine is the wine that you yourself enjoy the most, so too is the best way of putting your pants on the way that feels most comfortable to YOU!

I'm an OLAT guy—right leg first.