How to go from Radiohead to The Beach Boys in Two Simple Steps

OK COMPUTER- Radiohead

2:29

Track : Let Down

About two and a half minutes into "Let Down", hearing the empty echoes of the guitar through my headphones, the sound swimming through my ears and straight to my heart, straight to my head, straight to my soul. Where music makes me feel this passion and wisdom and peace and tranquility all at once. Music gives me a safe place to think about all of the things I wonder about the world. Inside the noise my brain ponders what these answers to the great questions of the world are, and how exactly she came to be at this particular moment in time, listening to the song "Let Down" by Radiohead and busily typing away on her computer as if her life depended on it? It wasn't like Alice in Wonderland, and yet a lot of times, I feel like Alice, especially when I hear Thom's haunting voice through the speakers of my headphones, sinking deep down into my soul. It's an indescribable feeling. I've seen two other people in my life have the same kind of feeling and expression when they listen to music; my mom, and my brother.

MADMAN ACROSS THE WATER-Elton John

2:44

"All the Nasties"

I saw it one late night when I was watching my mom listening to her favorite Elton John record and she mouthed the words "oh my soul", as the tears came streaming down her cheeks. The dim light of the dining room made a yellow constrast against the darkening blue evening beyond the window, where the fireflies lit the sky and my mom stood there, with her headphones on. I could hear the echoing of "oh my soul" coming out of her headphones. I didn't ever understand WHY she was so sad, but there she was, having this unforgettable moment with music. It's like even though she always pretended not to be a deep and emotional person, here she was all along, feeling the music with everything inside of her, getting lost in the feeling of the music. The only other song I saw my mom get so emotional over was "The Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley. (or "New York Minute". Take your pick, depending on what kind of evening she was having. Actual Miles Don Henley's Greatest Hits was one of the album she listened to a LOT on the lonely nights when dad wasn't home).

PET SOUNDS- The Beach Boys

2:10

"God Only Knows"

Then, we get to my brother. My brother who has a mental illness, so I don't get to see him or talk to him anymore, because our relationship is strained and complicated, but when it was good, I looked up to him. He taught me about all the greats: Brian Wilson, John Lennon, Weird Al (yes, I'm serious, Weird Al is great! lol). Anyway, this song, "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys was "our song". One night we went out to the sports bar for drinks and karaoke. (Well, I was 18, I still couldnt legally drink). Anyway, my brother puts in a request for a duet for him and I to do together at the end, but he won't tell me what song it is the whole night. So we go through the night alternating entertaining the "masses" (the people that happened to be at that bar with us that evening and got to here a concert featuring mostly myself and my brother. It felt so wonderful to get on a stage with my brother. It was a beautiful feeling). As the night came to a close, he passed me a mic and I heard the infamous sleigh bells in the background. He was going to sing "God Only Knows", with me. He said, "This one goes out to my kid sister," and then I got up there, put my arm around my brother, and we sang the song like we had been taken back to the 60s and were with Brian Wilson himself in the recording studio, watching Brian wave his arm frantically with a firemen's cap on his head. Whatever and whenever the mood struck him, when Brian had an idea. I smiled at my brother. It was the most beautiful and close moment I've ever shared with my brother. I cried, because I was happy. The thing is, life doesn't turn out in the ways you want or expect.

My relationships with them now are not what they used to be, and I find myself often feeling isolated from it all, except that feeling. The feeling music gives me is the same I see in my mom's eyes, my brother's eyes. In my eyes when I look in the mirror listening to the sounds of my heart; the soundtrack of my heart....

"Sometimes I feel very sad, sometimes I feel very sad, sometimes I feel very sad. I guess I just wasn't made for these times"- Brian Wilson

--in honor of Brian Wilson, you will be missed--