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How To Build Utopia

Shockwave

By Sean A.Published 9 months ago 2 min read
Second Place in 500 Word Shockwave Challenge
How To Build Utopia
Photo by Sergei A on Unsplash

Khaira stood at the cliff’s edge, looking out over the world she’d wrought, and proclaimed it was good. Not since the apple had a human being seen such a Utopia. A thousand times the great Generals had claimed peace amongst the nations was impossible. Too many profited from the Great War of Attrition (not them of course). The engines of industry and strife, oiled and maintained by so many of the same companies with the same shareholders, had finally run out of fuel in the new world she had created. Now, she could hear peace being screamed by a chaotic rainbow amongst the trees behind her. Birds whose songs would not be cut short by bombs. In that same forest, deer leaped through beams of light and the underbrush to escape the drooling mouths of hungry wolves. The deer’s flesh may be stripped from their bones to feed the pack, or the wolves might waste away if they fail. All as nature intended. Neither would be torn apart by shrapnel guns, their rotting flesh left to feed the nightmares that kept Khaira up as a child. After years of effort, her dream that all those vile weapons be laid down for good was realized.

She let a sudden spring rain wash over her, with no fear it might burn her flesh away. Afterwards, she let the breeze fill her lungs. A hint of exhaust underscored the damage man had done for so long, but already the world had begun to clear away the caustic haze and grime. The changes she’d masterminded were already starting to cool the Earth, like a child whose fever had broken. But wasn’t cured yet.

Following in the footsteps of prey and hunter, she crossed into the woods. The last danger to her Utopia lay buried beneath the forest floor. A dangerous beast using the land it would devour as camouflage. Her compatriots, martyred souls, saints of the new world, had eliminated all the other caches of horror.

She hunted the leaves for almost imperceptible air vents, smashing them with the rocks she then used to bury them. She searched her memory for the design of this bunker and located the hidden opening. Khaira set out her tent and unfolded her sleeping bag. Starting a tiny fire for tea, she waited. A dormant disease lay hidden here. It could be hours, days, even weeks before it would be forced to emerge, but she was ready. The fate of her Utopia depended on it.

Sun and moon took turns in their study of this sculpture of patience. Until her enemy climbed out like corpses during revelations. Then she came to life. Khaira felled the scouts with poison darts. Next, she pulled a pin and tossed a black canister filled with the virus she had developed. No human could survive it. None but her and once she was done she would gladly give her life. Earth had suffered the disease of humanity long enough. Khaira was the cure.

MicrofictionSci Fi

About the Creator

Sean A.

A happy guy that tends to write a little cynically. Just my way of dealing with the world outside my joyous little bubble.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

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Comments (23)

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  • Mackenzie Davis4 months ago

    Ooh, such a perfect sci fi story. I really like the action we see Khaira take at the end, smashing the air vents and releasing the virus. I'm also loving how unsure I am as to what exactly Khaira is, if she can survive what she enacts at the end. Congratulations! I can see why this piece placed so high. It's dark, well-wrought, and completely vivid in its short world-building. I'd love to know if you developed this into something longer. It could easily be expanded; but I also love how compact and effective it is as well. :D

  • J. R. Lowe4 months ago

    Love the dark twist!

  • Well done on the twist, Shaun, a shocker and well-deserved challenge win!

  • Stephanie O.O8 months ago

    Congratulations Shaun,I found it easy to travel through dimensions landing on that specific one where you story was set. Beautiful.

  • JBaz8 months ago

    Jeez, dark and dirty. Great twist and well deserved win

  • Peace Oputa9 months ago

    Wow, I don't know how many exclamation marks I would need to express the extent of my shock 😲😲. Absolutely beautiful 😍😍. Congratulations 🎉🎉

  • Matthew J. Fromm9 months ago

    A well deserved runner up! Great entry

  • L.C. Schäfer9 months ago

    Unexpected! Well done on your win 🏆

  • Laura DePace9 months ago

    Well done! I did not see that coming. Great job!

  • Susan Payton9 months ago

    Compelling Story- Nicely Done!! Well Deserved Win!!!

  • Shirley Belk9 months ago

    Congratulations!

  • Novel Allen9 months ago

    A keen suicide mission, seems everyone wants to exterminate us. Congrats.

  • Gabriel Huizenga9 months ago

    Brilliant work, Shaun! I was so drawn into the vivid, rich descriptions that build up this world- and then the twist at the end is so brutally clever. Fantastic work, and such a well-deserved win!

  • Addison Alder9 months ago

    Absolutely true, the world won't end, but we will. Congrats on the prize! 🏆😁

  • Andrea Corwin 9 months ago

    ah, ha! rid the earth of we horrid humans, I love it! CONGRATS on your win, fabulous!! 🎉🥳 💕👏

  • Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Lamar Wiggins9 months ago

    😮🤩🤩🤩 YES!!! Glad to be in good company on the winner's list! This story was outrageously good. Powerful and expertly told. Much congrats, my friend!

  • Clyde E. Dawkins9 months ago

    Congratulations!!! Very amazing story!!

  • D.K. Shepard9 months ago

    Congratulations, Shaun!! Had a feeling I’d see one of yours on the podium where it rightly belongs!!

  • Kristen Knutson9 months ago

    Great story! Congratulations!

  • Congratulations. So well deserved 😃

  • D.K. Shepard9 months ago

    Impressively done, Shaun! Such beautifully composed imagery in that first paragraph! And loved the visual of her heating water for tea as she prepares to wait. Also really struck by “Sun and moon took turns in their study of this sculpture of patience.” What a stunning and poetic way of indicating passing time!

  • Rachel Deeming9 months ago

    Last woman standing? I like this vision of everything in harmony, Shaun. That rainbow screaming peace? Nice image.

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