Hope is wherever you are

"Oh Harry, why won't you go out? There is a festival at Garden street. They're selling jewelry and beaded stuff. You can get that beaded alligator that you want. Come outside with me. It'd be fine!" "Sal, I can't. I have my inner world to tend to. It calls desperately for me to heal it. To be with it. To- to drown in it... I-I" he sighed, "You go. Have a great time. Go out without me, Sal. Go out." Sal was not her nickname. It was her name. Chest length hair, ember hued, slightly sheep curly (in such a good way! Not as an insult, the narrator clarifies), the girl was stunningly beautiful.

She was Harry's best friend. Always happy, always friendly, the antithesis of him. That's why he loved her so much. He wanted to be her. Sure, he had some parts in him that were like hers. But he wanted friendliness, compassion, openess. Like her. Sal looked at him, disappointed, a gleam of anger in her eyes. He noticed that, he noticed that her eyes were tinted with a hint of red. Metaphorically speaking. He cringed. Sal said, "Well, Harry. Do what you want. But I'm warning you - as a friend - this WILL NOT end well. I know what I'm saying; I've seen you going there before... this cannot end well."

"To each their own" Harry said, smiling sadly, "to each their own." Sal looked at him, fiercely, focused, fixated on his cloud-colored eyes, his grey, wise, saddened eyes. "I'm still warning you, son." She said. She took her car keys with her. At least she told him. At least there was a warning. Maybe he'll come through.

All jacked up, Harry went straight into business. 1) his imagination 2) a guided meditation, where someone with a manly calming voice, talks to you about fantastic inner worlds. Maybe it's called... a fantasy meditation? A fantasy themed meditation? Well, he'll find it. No problem. And 3) he didn't know it, though, but he'll need to find a keyhole. Peek right through it. Shrink and go to the other side where he'll find... okay, what WILL he find? Only time will tell... only the choices he'll make will determine the outcome.

'Whatever. She will never understand my point of view. All she ever cares for are her ineterests alone. Oh, whatever." At the same time, Sal thought this: 'Lonely child. I'm so worried about him; he gets lost in his own inner world. When he was volunteering in kindergarten, there was that child. In her own inner world. He viewed her so - well, he didn't like it. He judged her. He said, "poor girl... poor girl." But he said it so condescending. And he is so like that... he's so - he's so - ugghhh! So ANNOYING! The little brat! Lonely child..."

Harry spiraled around in his inner world. Outside, cars were honking. People were talking. He always hated all of that noise, covering his ears, shutting his eyes down. He'd get his senses overflooded like that. A sensory overload, Harry's way. He'd go "Noooo, I have to get ouuuut" usually, storming out of his house. But that was not this case now. Now, he's honed. Focused. He wants to get that golden fleece. That I-did-it sensation, of healing his inner world. To heal his illness... his mental illness...

Harry didn't know that you can't heal illness with illness. You can't beat a sick mind with more sickness. You need that "going out, having a routine, get yourself a life, move your ass boy!" that his mother always told him to have. He loved her, and she loved him so much, as well. But she was concerned about him. Always closed in his own inner world creations, she felt it was too much. That he was too much in. He had this "Alice in Wonderland" vision: to be found, to find magic. But that was not his case. He was losing it. Though help will come. From his beloved friend Sal, his former girlfriend Marina, and from his own brother, Roy. His once inseperable best friend. (Well, who said you can't have a few best friends?)

'I'm sinking to the bottom! Mayday, mayday!' No one could help him, though. No one could hear Harry. After peeking through the door's keyhole in the third level of freak out, Harry was in another world. In the deep, deep core of Harry's soul, beyond the keyhole, there was not only ache. There was peace. There was authenticity. There was his own psyche. Glowing, beaming, radiant. That was his soul. That was what he was looking for. That golden fleece. That Aluce in Wonderland. But the sun of his soul was too bright for Harry.

He sought the comfort of numbness. Of bleakness. He found his treasure, but it frightened him. He didn't have enough self esteem to confront with the pure pight that he is. With how beautiful he is. But everything in him remembered, and took notes, of that gleaming, non ending, radiant light that he is. His DNA did. His cells. His brain. His mind. His heart. His body. He. But it was pushed aside for now. For the moment. That's his untapped potential. That is Harry's greatness. In fact, it's everybody's greatness. That deep, bright, beautiful light encoded in our DNA's. Our own soul.

The things Harry saw... monsters, big, venomous, with their mouths open wide. Once a monster gulped him into his' stomach, like Jonah and the fish. Harry lit a lamp there that was made from scratch, told stories he invented to the monster's stomach inhabitants. Yep. Wild. Storms raged. Golden storms. Silver storms. Rainbowy ones. Rain flooded in, screaming voices at the background. And just when he thought he'd be lost in darkness forever, after he learned his lesson of - well - NOT to be lost in your own inner world - he heard a scream, sharp, frightened, concerned.

Then, he heard two other screams. All three voices were familiar. Those were... wait, are these Roy, Sal, Marina? Yes! Yes, indeed! His beloveds! Light came flooding in. Harry blinked three times, frantically. He was overjoyed. "Marina! Roy! Sa-Sal..." he looked bashedly sideways, looking away from her. But what will happen then will surprise him. She ran and hugged him, sobbing anxiously. "Don't you EVER do that again, Harry John Robinns! Don't you ever do that!" She wiped a tear, inhaling sharply.

"We were worried sick about you, Harry!" Said Roy, "I saw Sal on that festival, EVERYONE was there. She told me you were doing that one of your "soul healing quests". Oh, right away I knew it wasn't a good thing for you to experience! It's dangerous! My gut feeling told me it just wasn't right. And Sal thought the same... she was so guilt-driven! She said she wanted to do something, and that she was so glad that she found me. She wasn't there for long until I arrived and we left, with Marina... only half an hour..." 'really? All of the experience that I had, all, in half an hour?' Harry thought.

Marina, blushing, shyly said: "I was selling at the festival. That beaded alligator, it was a trend, everyone was creating it. Don't know why. I decided I'd make one, too," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "It was actually kinda fun. There you go. Made with love." She gave him the beaded alligator. It was beautiful. Shiny, viridian green hued alligator, with light blue eyes. The design was so sweet, the final product, so beautiful. Marina totally knew her craft. "It's... it's so beautiful!" He said, his voice cracking. It's so so lovely! Thank you, why thank you so much!"

Marina smiled. "You're welcome." She said, calmly, calmingly. "Sal..." Harry said, "You were right. I'll never do it again. I'll go to therapy, have my hobbies, go out. But this... never again." She gazed at the ground, saying, quietly, "You can still explore your soul. Not like this." "I know. I know, Sal." Harry said, putting his hands on her shoulder. Sal straightened her gaze. "I'm glad, Harry."

Remembering the radiant soul thing, Harry gathered his courage and asked Sal, "Sal... do you want to be my girlfriend?" His eyes darted from her beautiful ice-blue eyes to Roy, to Marina, to her eyes again, and finally at the ground. Then, after 2 seconds, at her mesmerizing eyes again. "Wha-what?" Sal replied. "Where does that come from?" She looked amused, but her eyes were sparkling. She waited for this moment for 3 years, since her eyes laid on this handsome, troubled boy. "Will you, Sal?" He said, smiling.

"Why, why... yes, of course, Harry! Of course I will! I love you!" She said and looked away. "I love you too, Sal", he said, so softly Sal couldn't help but smile. Two years after he proposed. Twelve years after, they had 5 kids. They were happy. Harry learned from his mistake, and is now healed. Truly healed, as much as he can. It wasn't fairytale happy. It was their own way happy, satisfied, and whole. Finally, finally whole.