Mom's Facebook Page

"Wow, she's hot! Is that really your mom?"

"Yeah. Mom's in love with herself. A real selfie queen."

"Man, I think I'm in love with your mom."

"Get over it, Dude. You don't know her like I know her. You don't have to live with her, put up with her crap."

"Can't be that bad. I mean, like, she’s your mom.”

"You should see her in the mornings before she's spent two hours in front of the mirror primping. Might change your mind. Then it’s a selfie here, a selfie there, take my picture, how do I look, I don’t think I look 38, and crap like that all the time. She drives me crazy with this obsession about how she looks.”

“Well, you ask me, she looks pretty damn good, especially being your mother. Besides, what’s wrong with a woman wanting to look good?”

“It’s all fake, that’s what’s wrong. She started going to the gym a couple of years ago and lost a lot of weight, then she started getting all of these operations for one thing or another. You know, like cosmetic surgery, the nip and tuck stuff. Nothing major but now she thinks she’s some kind of beauty queen.

“That’s one of the reasons Dad left her. He couldn’t deal with it anymore.”

“Man that sucks!”

“It’s okay. Dad still comes around and they’re still friends. He just can’t live with her. Dad’s pretty cool. We hang out when he’s not on some business trip.”

“A hot mom and a cool dad. What more could a kid ask for?”

“Ha-ha, maybe a Corvette. That’s what I told Dad I wanted for my birthday. He said I had to get a driver’s license first, then we’d talk.”

*****

“Hi boys. Whatcha doin'?

“Hey, Mom. This is Matt. He’s in my English class.”

“Well, Matt, I’m happy to meet you. I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before.”

“We’ve just moved here so I don’t know too many people yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll make a lot of friends. Stevie knows everybody. Wish we could talk, but gotta run. I have a yoga class in thirty minutes. Maybe another time.”

“I was just showing Matt your Facebook page. He thinks you’re hot.”

“Well that’s a sweet thing to say, Matt. I do like to take care of myself. That’s why I gotta run to yoga now. You boys behave.”

*****

“Damned, Steve. Why did you tell her that?”

“Chill out. She’ll probably forget it before she gets in the car. Besides, you did say it.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean for you to tell her. I feel like an ass, now.”

“Hey, look at this. Did you see Mary Morgan’s new profile picture? I would’ve never recognized her.”

“Let me see. Ha-ha, wonder how many filters she used for that. Doesn’t even look like her.”

“Makes me wonder.”

“What?”

“About people on Facebook. I mean, how many really look like their pictures?”

“Nobody’s going to post a bad picture of themselves on Facebook Even old people post pictures of themselves when they were twenty years younger. I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Anyway, I’ve had enough of Facebook for one day. Let’s go hang out at the mall and watch the real people.”