Holocaust Hope

Roger rented two rooms, one for himself and Yuri and the other for Erika. Yuri was profoundly relieved that he wouldn't have to battle the desire that had welled inside him ever since he and Erika had begun sharing a bed. Erika wondered how on earth Roger could afford it, as he didn't look particularly wealthy to her.

"My family back in Philadelphia send me money from time to time," he told her.

"But why are you doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you spending so much money on us when you don't even really know us, and we'll likely never be able to repay you?"

Roger cleared his throat. "We Americans have a concept that may be foreign to you. It's called compassion. We know how your people have suffered, and we want to do everything we can to help."

Tears came to Erika's eyes as she looked into Yuri's. He gave her a quick hug. "Go to bed, Erika. As early as we'll leave tomorrow, you'll need a good night's sleep."

Erika gasped in delight when she saw her room. The single bed was covered with a pink and white quilt with a flower design on it, and a small table with a matching tablecloth was beside it. There were two windows, one across from the bed and one parallel to it. One corner contained a dresser with a mirror, the opposite corner held a small sofa, and along the wall joining them was a desk with a light stand beside it. It was the most luxurious room she'd ever seen, and she simply couldn't believe it was hers alone for one night.

She had a difficult time falling asleep. Accustomed to the warmth of Yuri's body pressed against her back, it seemed the bed was entirely too large.

In the adjoining room, Roger and Yuri talked quietly together. "You do realize that if you come to America with me, you'll never see your family again," Roger told the younger man.

"I'll never see them again anyway," Yuri replied. "Since I abandoned the Red Army, I can never return home. If I were ever caught, I'd be shot." The memory of his father's booming laugh, his mother's gentle smile, and Sonya's gay chatter weighed on his mind, and his heart grew very heavy.

"Why did you do that, when you knew what would happen if you were caught?" Roger wanted to know.

Yuri stared at the wall, unable to respond for a very long time. "It was Erika," he said at last. "The first time I met her, she just seemed so helpless, so - lost. I knew I couldn't just leave her to find her way on her own. She never would have survived." He gave a sharp laugh. "She actually wanted to return to Berlin after the camp was liberated."

"Of course she did. It's the only home she's ever known, and I think she's tougher than you give her credit for, Yuri. Otherwise, she never would have survived everything she's been through."

Yuri thought of Erika, alone at night for the very first time, and had the sudden urge to burst into her room and give her a goodnight kiss. Not wanting to alarm her, he resisted it.

Erika was deep in a dreamless sleep when a knock on the door awakened her the following morning. She rubbed her eyes and, a moment later, remembered where she was.

The bed's covers were so comfortable she hesitated to withdraw from them, but not wanting to seem selfish, she forced herself to throw them aside and go to the door.

For breakfast there were warm biscuits and hot tea with milk. There was even butter and jam or honey to go with the biscuits, and both Yuri and Erika marveled at such extravagance.

From the inn, it was a short walk to the dock to board the ship. Yuri asked about the car, and Roger told him he'd arranged for a friend to pick it up. As she stood on the ship's deck a short time later, Erika gazed at the retreating shoreline in awe. She'd never been outside mainland Europe in her life, and now here she was, striking out on her own for lands unknown.

Not completely alone, she reminded herself, as Yuri was still with her, like he had been every step of the way so far. Beyond simply becoming accustomed to his presence, she'd developed a genuine fondness for him and concern for his welfare.

Was what she felt for him love? Before it had all started - before Kristallnacht, before Auschwitz, before everything - she'd had innocent crushes on classmates, but that had been nothing compared to the soulful exchanges she'd shared with Yuri.

"My father would say I'm a coward." Suddenly he was there, standing right beside her.

"I think you're very brave, the bravest person I've ever known," she replied.

Yuri shook his head. "I've always been taught that to abandon one's homeland is the ultimate cowardice, deserving of death." His voice grew so soft she could barely hear him. "But I don't want to die."

"Of course you don't. Life is precious."

He gave a slight chuckle. "Is that what you were always taught?"

"Absolutely! My grandmother always said life's a gift and should be cherished."

Yuri was silent, thinking of the stench he'd smelled coming from the burning buildings behind the concentration camps, remembering what Roger had told him about Erika. It occurred to him that his relationship with Erika had given his life a spark that had been missing before, a reason to want more than ever to survive, not only for his own sake, but for hers as well.

"Even after Toni - after I'd lost everything - I had to keep going. I knew that's what they would have wanted - " A paroxysm of coughing interrupted her.

Yuri frowned and reached for her. "Are you all right?"

She nodded. "I get this way sometimes when I've been out in the rain. I'll be all right. I always have been before."

The next morning, he waited for her in the dining room, but she never came.

He waited for her until his breakfast was almost cold, then gobbled it up. As soon as he'd finished, he went to her cabin and knocked on the door. A glum-faced physician opened it a crack, and Yuri felt his heart begin to pound.

"Where's Erika?" he asked.

The physician held a finger to his lips. "She has pneumonia," he whispered. "She's delirious and running a high fever. It's too soon now to know which way it'll go."

Yuri felt his heart sink into his shoes. Had this brave, strong young woman he'd come to admire so much survived what was probably the darkest era in human history only to succumb to disease mere months after her release? He balled up his fist and slammed it into the wall in frustration.

"You really care for that young woman, don't you?" He turned to see Roger standing beside him.

"I do." He had to swallow a lump in his throat. "She's like nobody I've ever met before. Even after everything she's been through, she never lost hope."

Roger put a compassionate hand on his shoulder. "That's what will see her through."

"The physician didn't sound very optimistic."

"If her will to live is as great as I think it is, she'll be fine."

Yuri spent most of the day in his cabin, reading or playing cards. He had no desire to stand on the deck; it would be too quiet and lonely without Erika there.

That night, he was awakened by violent rocking. He looked over at Roger's bed to see it was empty. Alarmed, he jumped to his feet and dashed to the door. He opened it to find Roger standing there, wide-eyed.

"Winds are fifty-two knots, and there are ten-foot waves out there."

So they'd rode into a storm. There were worse ways to die than drowning, but it was such a shame about Erika. After everything she'd been through, to come to such an end.

He had to wipe a tear from one eye. The storm raged all morning, the wind direction changing several times so the ship was buffeted from all directions. It was late in the evening before the winds finally began to abate. The physician caring for Erika had remained in her cabin for the entire duration of the storm.

Longing to know how she was but unwilling to disturb her, Yuri lingered outside the door until it was bedtime.

Erika opened her eyes and stared at the dark wood ceiling. Was she still at the Bakowski's? Where was Yuri?

Her mouth felt as if it were full of sawdust. She opened it to speak, but only a soft moan came out. The physician held a cup of water to her lips, and she drank gratefully from it.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"On a ship on the way to America," the physician told her. "You've been very ill for the past few days. You gave me quite a fright, young woman." He gave a slight smile.

Erika tried to sit up but became so dizzy she fell right back onto the bed. "Where's Yuri?"

"Is that the young man who's been asking about you several times a day? I'll let him know you're awake."

The physician left, and about ten minutes later, Yuri entered the room, his face a mask of worry. "Erika!"

A moment later, she was in his arms, her cheek resting against the soft cotton of his shirt. "I was so afraid I'd lose you!" he whispered.

"I can't remember - " Her voice was so faint he could barely hear it.

"They told me you had pneumonia." His voice was husky with remorse. "It was my fault. If I hadn't left you alone in the rain to bury that Nazi, you wouldn't have gotten sick."

It all came back to Erika - meeting Roger, the car, the inn, the ship. "But you came back to help me," she pointed out.

"It wasn't enough." He held her closer and stroked her hair. "I promise you, Erika, I'll never leave you alone again."

Secure in his arms, she closed her eyes. "So will we soon be in America, then?"

"Very soon."

"And what will we do when we get there?"

He wasn't sure how to answer her. Overwhelmed by the storm and her illness, he'd only given the vaguest thought to his future.

"I suppose we'll find work on a farm, or perhaps in a factory, but first, you'll have to get a lot better."

"I feel all right now, just very weak."

He smiled as his fingers drew light circles on her cheek. "I'll have you back in shape in no time."

That evening, she was able to sit up in bed and eat as Yuri fed her soup with a spoon, and the following day, she was strong enough to stroll on the deck in the fresh air, holding his hand.

"It's so nice to be out in the sunshine again!" she exclaimed.

"Right after you got sick, there was a big storm," he told her. "I was afraid we'd capsize. All I could think about was, what if I never see you again?"

"I must have slept through the whole thing."

He chuckled. "I guess you were lucky in that respect."

She smiled. "I always wondered what it would be like to have an older brother. I guess I know now."

He turned to face her. "I don't think I've ever told you how beautiful you are."

She gasped. "Beautiful? Me?"

He nodded, giving her an impish smile. "I'll bet you've never even been kissed, have you?"

"Well, no - "

He leaned his lips toward hers, but before they could touch, another passenger cried out. "Look!"

They turned to see a speck in the distance. As they drew closer, they saw it was a small island, and on it was a large white statue of a woman with a torch in one hand held straight up into the sky.

"It's the Statue of Liberty," Roger told them. "We're almost there!"

The ship finally touched down on Ellis Island, and Roger, Yuri, Erika, and all the others disembarked. They entered the Immigration Station, where Roger greeted his family members who'd come to welcome him home, and Yuri and Erika joined the others in line.

The building was very large, and it was two stories high. A chandelier hung in the center of the roof, and on each side were arched windows with square grates.

Except for when she'd arrived at Auschwitz, Erika had never seen so many people in one place at the same time. The air was filled with the noisy din of lively chatter in various languages, and the stench of unwashed bodies was overpowering.

"Are you all right?" asked Yuri.

"I guess so," she replied.

By the time they reached the front of the line, her feet felt like numb blocks of pain.

"Name?" asked the man behind the counter. He was thin with short blond hair and blue eyes, and he looked to be about twenty-five.

"Erika Gretchen Messer."

"Occupation?"

"Seamstress." It was what Roger had advised her to say.

"How much money do you have with you?"

She showed him the five dollar bill Roger had given her. He frowned, and for one terrified moment, she feared he'd send her away, but at last he nodded her on and turned to Yuri.

"Name?"

"Yuri Leonidovich Shevchenko."

"Occupation?"

"Laborer."

"How much money do you have with you?"

Yuri showed him, and the man nodded him on as well. There were many more questions to answer, and a stairway to climb. They were at the Immigration Station for about three and a half hours, and when they were finally approved to enter the country, they rejoined Roger and met his family for the first time.

"My father, Bennett, my mother, Janice, and my sister, Ethel," Roger told Yuri and Erika. Bennett was about five feet eleven. He had thinning white hair and bright blue eyes. Janice was slender, with brown hair and eyes, and Ethel was slightly taller than her mother, with hair a shade lighter and blue eyes like her father's.

"This is Yuri Shevchenko and Erika Messer," Roger told his family. "They're concentration camp inmates I met up with in Poland not long after I gained my own freedom. Neither of them has a home to return to, and I offered to help them get a new start in America."

"Oh, the poor dears!" Janice exclaimed. "They can stay with us as long as they need to!"

"Thank you, ma'am," said Erika.

"Thanks," echoed Yuri.

Bennett and Janice led the others back to their car, which turned out to be a 1944 Rolls Royce. Bennett, Janice, and Roger got into the front seat, and Yuri and Erika got into the back with Ethel.

"We were horrified when we found out about all the terrible things that had been done to those poor people in the concentration camps," Janice said as they rode along. "I'm just so glad for the opportunity to help."

When they reached their destination, Yuri and Erika could only gaze at one another in stunned disbelief. The house was two stories high, with four windows going across on each level. It was painted light blue and supported by six large pillars in front.

They were both thinking the same thing: all this for just one family?

"Come along," Janice said to them. "I'll show you where you'll be staying."

She led her guests up a staircase made of varnished wood to the second floor. "This will be your room - Yuri, isn't it?"

Yuri nodded.

"And Erika, you can stay in this room."

Erika could only lightly trace her fingers over the room's furnishings, her mouth agape with wonder. The wallpaper had a design of little pink flowers, and the bed had a matching pink bedspread with ruffles. The window had dark satin curtains, and beside it was a chest of drawers made of burnished wood. Beside the bed was a small table that held a white glass lamp stand in the shape of a nineteenth century woman. Its shade was trimmed in dark pink fur.

I haven't stayed in a bedroom this nice since I was a young girl and lived in Berlin with my family, she told herself. Can all this really be for me? Lost in euphoria, she didn't even notice her stomach rumbling in hunger until she heard a knock at the door.

"It's time for dinner," Yuri told her.

They went downstairs to the large dining room and sat beside one another at the table. They were across from Roger and Ethel, with Bennett at one end and Janice at the other.

"I'll say grace," Roger offered. He and his family members bowed their heads, closed their eyes, and held hands, and after just a moment's hesitation, Yuri and Erika did the same.

"Dear Lord, we thank You for this food and for Your many other blessings. Please keep Your hand over us all and let Your wisdom guide Yuri and Erika as they begin their new lives. In Your name we ask it, amen."

"Amen," echoed Bennett, Janice, and Ethel.

So their benefactors were Christians. Erika didn't know what to think. Hadn't the Nazis also been Christians? Yet she'd heard of other Christians as well - families who'd sheltered Jews, who'd risked their own lives and freedom to protect others - perfect strangers, in some cases. Both groups of people couldn't really be Christians, could they? So which were the real Christians?

Yuri claimed not to believe in God at all, yet he'd been with her every step of the way since her release, comforting, protecting, and encouraging her. If his kindness and compassion didn't derive from religious faith, where did it come from?

How she wished her grandmother was still alive! If anyone had the answers, she would.

Erika hadn't realized how hungry she truly was until she tasted the pot roast. As the flavor filled her mouth, she relished it for as long as she could before swallowing, then eagerly reached for a second bite. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Yuri shoveling food into his mouth at an even faster rate.

"Eat all you want," said Janice. "There's plenty."

Erika had seconds on the pot roast and potatoes, and Yuri had thirds on the pot roast, potatoes, and green peas. Once they were satisfied, the other family members began to ply them with questions.

"Where are you from?" Bennett asked Yuri.

"I was born in Kiev," Yuri told him. "My parents worked in a factory, and my grandmother took care of my little sister, Tasha, and me. When I was a little boy, there was a famine and a lot of people starved to death. The only reason we survived was because of the ration cards. During my teen years, a lot of people simply disappeared. I remember whispered stories they'd been taken to labor camps in Siberia, but no one dared speak of it out loud. As soon as I was old enough, I joined the army. Many of my childhood friends perished in battle four years ago." Remembering the horror of scores of dead bodies lining the streets near his own home, waiting to be gathered and deposited in mass graves, made his voice become quiet. "Many times I have wondered why I was spared."

"God had a purpose," Janice told him. She received a scowl in response, which made her gasp and pale a bit.

"And what about you, dear?" Bennett asked Erika.

"I was born in Berlin. Papa was a jeweler, and Mama stayed home to take care of me and Tonia. My grandparents lived near us. They were observant, keeping the Sabbath and the religious holidays. My parents weren't observant at all. To them, blending in with our Christian neighbors was the most important thing. Bubbe warned us Hashem would reign destruction down on us, just like He did on the ancient Israelites who adopted the ways of their pagan neighbors. We didn't listen, but we should have."

All was quiet as she stared down at her empty plate. "Where's your family now, sweetheart?" Janet finally asked in a gentle voice.

"Gone." Erika felt tears well up in her eyes as Yuri squeezed her hand underneath the table. "The Nazis killed them all, one by one. No there's no one left but me."

"I'm so sorry," said Janice.

"Thank you." Erika's voice was barely a whisper.

Bennett cleared his throat. "You two must be exhausted. After awhile, I'll show you to the rooms where you'll be staying."

It turned out that Yuri would be staying in the guest bedroom while Erika would sleep in the day bed in Ethel's room.

"It isn't proper for two young people of opposite sexes to share a bedroom," Bennett stated, and from the tone of his voice, Yuri and Erika knew the matter was settled.

Erika watched as Ethel rummaged through one of her dresser drawers. "Here, you can sleep in this one," she said, tossing a night gown to Erika. It was white with a red flower pattern.

"Thank you," said Erika.

Before turning out the light, Ethel knelt beside her bed, and Erika heard her praying. Awkward and unsure of what to do, she got into her own bed and waited until Ethel arose and turned out the light.

Erika was asleep within seconds. Before she knew it, light was shining through the window and making patterns on the floor. She looked over at Ethel's empty bed, then arose, washed her face in the bathroom, and then went downstairs, where she found the family sitting around the table.

"Good morning, dear," said Janice, who was pouring coffee into Bennett's mug. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, ma'am," Erika replied, sliding into the seat beside Yuri, where she ate the bacon, eggs, and toast with relish.

After breakfast, the family parted ways: Bennett, Roger, and Ethel to their respective jobs, and Yuri to the employment office. Erika was left alone with Janice.

"I'll wash and you dry," Janice said as the two women stood at the sink full of dirty dishes. "Later, I have to go to the market to pick up a few things."

Janice's car turned out to be a yellow Mercedes-Benz. It was smaller than the Rolls Royce but just as luxurious. Erika was too awed to say anything at all.

During the short ride to the grocery store, Erika gazed out the window at the large houses with their immaculately trimmed lawns and white picket fences. Many front yards boasted tire swings hanging from shade trees and children and dogs running and playing.

This must be paradise, she thought to herself.

When she entered the grocery store with Janice, she was amazed all over again. It was larger than any other store she'd ever been inside. It's walls were lined with refrigerated bins holding all different kinds of fresh vegetables and fruit on one side, milk, eggs, and other dairy products on the other. In the back was a counter beside which various meats were displayed. In the center of the store were several aisles containing rows of boxed, canned, and packaged foods. Erika was speechless as she followed Janice, who pushed a shopping cart down the aisles, placing various items into it. At last she took the cart to the cash register at the front, where she paid for the items and then took them outside to the car.

"You're awfully quiet this morning," she remarked as she drove home.

"This is all just so hard to believe," Erika replied. "Do all American live like this?"

"We've been very blessed," said Janice. "Not all Americans live as well as we do. Some live in tiny apartments, some in shacks out in the country. Down south there are share croppers, and in the inner city there are factory workers. Places like the Bronx you wouldn't want to visit, even in the daytime. It's full of criminal gangs. I thank God every day for our many advantages."

When they reached the house, Erika helped Janice put away the groceries.

"Are there many Jews in America?" she asked as they were working.

"Yes," Janice replied. "They're mostly right here in New York. Doctors, lawyers, bankers, entrepreneurs - most of them are quite prosperous."

So what Roger told me about Jews being treated like everyone else must be true, then, Erika noted with relief.

The groceries had just been put away when the doorbell rang, and Janice opened the door to see Yuri standing there, beaming.

"Guess what!" he called to Erika, who stood right behind Janice. "Already I have a job! It's as a packer in a plant, starting tomorrow."

"Oh, that's good!" Erika cried. Yuri reached for her and pulled her into his arms, lifting her and spinning her around.

"In three weeks, when I get my first paycheck, I'll start looking for a home of my own," Yuri told Janice.

At that moment, it occurred to Erika she'd be separated from Yuri when he found a home of his own, and her smile disappeared.

"What's the matter, dear?" asked Janice.

"It's only I just realized I will soon have to seek employment as well," Erika replied.

"As it turns out, my maid resigned several weeks ago," Janice told her. "If you're interested, the position's yours."

"Oh, yes! Thank you!" Erika embraced the older woman.

"It's all settled, then," Janice said with a smile.

Yuri left for his new job early the next morning, and Erika eagerly began learning various tasks around the house, how Janice wanted things done. The work itself was pleasant, and Janice was patient with her, but in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but worry about what would happen when Yuri found his own place. Would he just put his past life behind him and forget she'd ever existed?

Although the morning passed swiftly, the afternoon seemed to crawl by. Erika couldn't wait for Yuri to return from his first day of work and wondered what it would be like. She knew he'd be tired from working all day. Would he be happy to see her again?

When he came through the door that evening, he had a big grin on his face.

"How did it go?" she asked.

"It went really well," he told her. "My new supervisor is very kind. When he heard my accent, he asked where I was from, and when I told him, he simply nodded. Later, he told me I was learning the job quickly and doing well at it. He even joked that I might be coming after his job soon."

"I'm happy for you," Erika told him, meaning it with all her heart.

During the evening meal, Yuri regaled the family with stories of events that had happened on his first day of work. Erika listened in silence, enjoying the camaraderie. For at least three more weeks, she would see him and hear his voice every day. Then what?

Before she realized it, Friday night had arrived.

"I was thinking, what if we drove you two into the city and gave you a tour tomorrow," Bennett suggested as the family ate dinner that evening.

Yuri and Erika looked at each other. "Would you like that?" Yuri asked Erika.

"is it a large city, like Berlin?" Erika asked Bennett, who laughed.

"Yes, it's very large!"

"And it's safe for Jews to go there?"

"New York City is full of Jews! You no longer have to fear for your safety, sweetheart."

Erika smiled. "Then I would very much like to see it!"

They started out early the following morning, taking the ferry across to Manhattan.

"Oh, look, Yuri!" Erika cried as she pointed to the Statue of Liberty.

"Yes." His arm slid around her waist, and he held her close. The early morning sun shone down on the water, and as Erika breathed in the fresh air, she felt truly free for the first time in longer than she could remember.

She enjoyed the ferry ride so much she was almost sorry when it finally ended and they were stepping onto land again. However, her slight feeling of regret was soon forgotten as she and Yuri marveled at the wonders now surrounding them.

"I've never seen buildings so high!" Looking up at the top of the skyscrapers made Erika dizzy.

"It's a real imperialistic capitalist dream, all right," Yuri muttered.

Erika turned innocent eyes to him. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Everything is very nice."

They walked up and down streets bordered by all different kinds of store fronts. Occasionally, Bennett or Janice, usually Janice, would lead them into one of the stores, where they would gaze around at all the merchandise.

"This so reminds me of my father's shop," Erika commented inside a jeweler's. Yuri saw her eyes fill with tears and wished he could buy her something pretty to make her feel better, but he hadn't been paid yet.

When they came to the tallest building of all, the Empire State building, Yuri and Erika stood hand in hand, gazing up at the top.

"What do you suppose is inside?" asked Erika.

"It's probably full of sausages and cabbage," said Yuri, which made her giggle.

"My grandparents never would have eaten sausage!" she gasped when she could speak again.

"And why not?"

"Sausage isn't kosher. It's against our religion to eat it."

Yuri snorted. "And your parents, did they eat only kosher foods as well?"

"No, they didn't." Her voice was so soft he barely heard it.

Everyone got hungry after awhile, and for lunch, they stopped at a deli called Nathan's for Reuben sandwiches.

"This is just like what we used to eat at home, before all the trouble began!" said Erika.

As the flavors of the pastrami, sauerkraut, and Swiss cheese blended together on her tongue, she was swept away to a time long ago - a time when she and Tonia had attended school with all the other children, their faces freshly scrubbed, their starched dresses stiff against their skin, the cheerful banter of passersby on bicycles, the sound of their shoes striking the pavement.

It was the world of long ago, one she'd never pass through again except in her dreams.