Happy Birthday!

“Happy birthday, buddy!” My dad says, bringing out the excessively decorated cake into the living room with the rest of my family. They wear those goofy smiles on their faces as they cheer. It’s just another year that I survived, it’s not special.

They sing that same tired birthday song that everyone sings as my dad lights the candles. I feign a smile, just sitting there looking down at the cake in front me. The large decorative 1 and 8 have their candle wicks lit as the tiny flames reflect in my eyes. I say my thank yous to all of them without taking my eyes away from the cake. I know that they just do this because it’s what everyone does. Playing along is just what needs to happen, so I’ll just get through today and then tomorrow will be back to normal.

They make more overwhelming noise, but I gather that their cheers are meant to urge me to make a wish. What could I wish for that makes sense? There’s nothing that really pops out to me, so why not wish to have nothing. I don’t want to exist anymore, I don’t want anymore celebrations like this that are merely a shallow attempt to say I lived another year then go back to my bleak life and isolation. So that just might be it, I wish I never existed. I take a long few seconds to appreciate the flames that will extinguish for this wish, and once I do, I prepare for the inevitable cheers around me…Waiting while their cheers slowly soften…Waiting as their supposed suspense will evolve to a huge eruption that might shake the house…Waiting for…Nothing?

I shift my eyes away from the cake toward the faces around me. All of which are frozen in place, their smiles are plastered like they’re statues. I shift in my chair, not getting up, but they couldn’t just be like this for no reason, right?

I wait another minute, uncomfortably shifting in my chair and tapping the table so I can watch them all snap out of it. No one can stay unblinking for more than a minute. None of them can keep their poses for more than a minute. They can’t stop breathing for more than a minute.

Each of them proves my claims wrong after this minute passes, and I start to rise from my chair. I give a nervous chuckle.

“Ok…” I look around the room at all of my family members, “All of you got me…” I say, hoping for an answer, but nobody responds, ”Um…Ha-ha, very funny…Can we please…continue the party?” Nothing, “Hey! Can you all stop?” Silence. “Anyone?” Nothing still… “Mom?” I wave my hand in front of her face, but she doesn’t even blink.

“James? James! Can you say anything?” I tap my brother, then shake him, but trying to move him is like moving a boulder. I couldn’t even make him turn his head an inch.

“Dad! Snap out of it!” I try to shake my dad, but there’s no response from him either. I didn’t want to seem desperate, but they can’t just be frozen like this, I just can’t accept that! I try to shake and draw attention to myself by yelling or hitting them, but nothing works. My grandparents, my cousins, my aunts and uncles couldn’t move at all!

As soon as I punch the last person in the room, I hunch over to take a breather. I still can’t believe any of this…This just doesn’t make sense, I blow out my candles and they all freeze? Everything was going normally, I didn’t want them to freeze like this, I can’t be alone like this.

I pause for a moment, realizing I actually can’t be alone in this. I rush toward the front door to open it, but like all of my family members, it just wouldn’t budge. The back door can't even move, and the garage door is the same. I shout, I scream, I call out to anyone that could even listen, and there’s no response at all!

I pace around the house, this just can’t be happening, I can’t be stuck in a house full of my frozen family, I can’t just starve to death while I see all of their smiling faces, what do I even do, I can’t open doors, can’t wake up anyone, can’t move anything, can’t-Wait.

My train of thought takes a pause as I come back into the living room to spot someone that definitely wasn’t there before. An old man wearing clown make-up, a dirty, baggy white clown costume with polka dots and a matching hat, and has giant red shoes and a matching nose to go with it. I stare at this clown sitting at the table for what feels like the longest minute of my life. The clown is still, but I see him blink. He blinks, his body can make the smallest shifts of movements, and his breathing…His breathing is heavy, I could almost feel it as he’s across the room from me. Then the clown speaks.

“Happy birthday, Michael.”

Once I hear the clown’s raspy voice say those words, I turn and run. The clown sounds like he stumbles in his attempt to try and chase after me as I hear the sound of a few squeaks and a hard thump on the wooden floor. I just keep my face forward and run upstairs.

“Where are you going? I just want to talk to you!” The clown says as I try to find any possible way to hide. I try to see if any of the doors open, but none of them budge. I frantically pull and tug on each door before I see the bathroom door open at a crack, I rush in, barely squeezing myself through.

“You don’t have to be scared, I only want to talk. I noticed that you tried to help your family, that’s a good trait, one of many that I know are in that head of yours.” The clown’s squeaky shoes slowly squeak their way up the stairs. The shoes make the most overdrawn yelps of rubber that I’ve heard, the clown doesn’t rush, but instead takes all the time in the world to make every step. I just try to pick up anything in the bathroom that I can find as a weapon, but everything is staying in place. Not like the clown can come into the door, but I try to fit myself through the gap of the curtains of the bathtub, hiding there and keeping silent.

“Doesn’t it feel awful? Knowing that you try to save them, even though your wish is just astronomically rude.” I can hear the clown’s shoes noisily make their way across the hall. Though, I can’t help but to think over the clown’s words. How could he know my wish? He read my mind somehow, can he read it now? Though, I don’t think I was trying to save them…I just didn’t want to be alone. Definitely not now, I wanted their stillness to be gone, but…I think I’d prefer it.

“Don’t you think about what they’ve done for you?” The clown’s shoes make their way past the bathroom. Though what has my family done for me? Everything they do is just shallow attempts of trying to make me happy, I can’t really think of a moment when they did something that wasn’t so generic or predictable. They had to support me, they had to celebrate my accomplishments, they had to celebrate every holiday, so…What is this clown talking about?

“And you think it’s fair for them to not be upset about you existing? Or even care?” The clown’s shoes stop right in front of the bathroom door. I just didn’t want to exist because they do nothing out of their way for me…I don’t matter, but what is this clown trying to say? I believe he can’t just walk into the bathroom.

I’m proven wrong again by the clown’s grunts and squeaks pushes through the door before I hear him stop, his heavy breathing now inside of the bathroom.

“I know you’re behind the curtains, Michael.” The clown’s shoe squeaks again as he steps forward. I just keep as still and silent as possible, not answering.

“Michael, just talk to me, I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t even want to fulfill your wish.” I still keep silent, and after some time passes, I hear the clown sigh.

“Ok…Have it your way.” Without warning, I see a hand stretch down in front of me, I scream and flail to no avail as darkness hits me.

I don’t know how long it’s been since I got knocked out, but when I wake up, I see the clown floating in front of me. I scream as I try to run away again, but I can't go anywhere. I can move my body, but I’m stuck in some sort of black void where it’s only me and the clown.

“Where…Am I?” I ask.

“In the void.” He says simply.

“Um…You wanted to talk? I…I can talk now…”

“Of course,” The clown nods, “Though I know why you made the wish now, but why don’t you want to exist?”

“Well…My life sucks…”

“Heh,” The clown chuckles, “Well I’m not surprised, you all say that.” The clown starts to float away, though I frantically wave my hands as I notice him going further away.

“Wait! What are you going to do with me? I don’t know what this place is! I can’t go anywhere!”

“You wished that you didn’t exist right? This is where not existing is.”

“But…I don’t want this…You said something about my family before, being upset and all, what about that?”

“Oh, they’ll still be with you, just not…This version of you.” The clown waves his hand, showing the house with my family and myself celebrating. I’m actually smiling, not a fake one, but a real one…That…That can’t be possible.

“Wait, what did you do?...Why am I smiling? What changed? I can’t be doing that! What did they change about the party to make me happy? What did they do!”

“Well,” The clown sighs, “You’ll have to figure that out for yourself…Until then, you’re free to watch.” The clown says as he starts floating away. Though, I couldn’t accept that answer, I just can’t! I scream after him more and more, but he’s gone. Leaving me alone in the void, looking upon a happy life that I can’t experience.